Things remembered
by Lymiryc
Summary: Lee Kara Angsty romance mythokink kinda random totally compiled.
1. Chapter 1

Things Remembered

Prolog

I watched as the brunette with the green eyes took a drag on her cigarette and let it go slowly. The smoke curled up towards the widow's peak on her forehead, her hair was heavy and loose it hung just past her shoulders. She paused and touched her ring finger to her lip and looked down at her glass. She was wearing make up, not a lot but her eyes were ringed in black and it made her look a tad exotic, like she was from somewhere dark and mysterious. Then I realized none of us were from anywhere anymore and I glanced away but my eyes are pulled back as I play with my glass. There was something very casual in her manner as if she lived her life at a table in a bar.

It had been a long hard pull to get things under control but I and three of my officers had finally gotten some down time and were relaxing on the Rising Star on a 3 day pass. Captain Taylor was off doing his own thing. Starbuck and Helo were supposedly still taking hot showers with 'real' shampoo and soap. Kara had been dancing around and squealing about conditioner when I had left to get a head start on the drinking. It had been a long several weeks, I was more than ready to let my hair down. I had been secretly excited about the conditioner; I would never have admitted it.

"Hey, you aren't gonna sit there all night alone are ya?" Her voice was low and smoky and deep like her eyes.

"Uh, no…have friends coming..." I felt a blush crawling up and tried to fight it "why do I look like a drinking alone kind of guy?"

Her laugh was throaty and genuine.

"No but you were staring..." She winked. Damn it, of course I had been. Frak, was she a prostitute? Had I just given her ammo to hit on me? "Names Chloe, which ship are you and your invisible friends from?" She sounded amused.

"Galactica…" Kara's somewhat crass sounding alto cut across the room and Chloe's eyes left me to look at Starbuck. The woman surprisingly didn't flinch or even bat an eye.

"Welcome then, protectors of the fleet, we don't get many of the military here to visit." She looked like that was nothing she thought much about. "I take it y'all are officers? I would guess that the enlisted end up somewhere else?"

"We are, but why would it matter?" Helo was twirling one of those damn suckers, he managed to speak around it without slurring, I was impressed.

She shrugged.

"The Captain seems to be pretty picky about visitors. You, and some bald colonel are the only military I think I have seen here. I talk to pretty much everyone, kinda taken my own census, so I would have remembered any others in the last few, well since it happened." Her eyes had turned hollow for a moment and we all knew what she was thinking.

She got up and came to our table then sitting between myself and Helo, across from Starbuck and she smiled. She looked over my shoulder and waved, at first I wasn't sure at who, since we were the only people there. It was really early for night traffic in the ships club, plus I wondered if there was ever much to go congregate about anyway. The bartender approached with a stack of disposable cups, which looked like they had been used already and put a bottle on the table. Chloe laid a hand on his arm in thanks and the gentleman, probably my father's age smiled at her as if he was hers.

"Uncle Bob…" she smiled letting us know what she called him, I doubted it was his real name but it really didn't seem to matter to her. "He keeps me hooked up, I try to make it worth it for him." I really didn't want to know what that meant.

A tall, dark man close to Helo's build appeared in the far corner next to the stage. He looked around the room and found Chloe and started toward us. He had dark longish hair, a high intelligent forehead and long formidable looking hands. He was wearing black trousers, with intensely yellow shoes and a red oxford type shirt unbuttoned halfway down with what looked like a mesh shirt beneath it. It screamed musician.

Chloe took another drag not seeing him approach and introduced herself to the table again, since the two beside me hadn't been there at her first attempt and she added a line as the dark haired man came up behind her.

"I am Chloe Mayer, and the quiet stalker type behind me is Gabriel Poe." The man behind her offered his long, soft hands for shaking. He had a strong, meaningful grip.

"Gabriel Poe? Wait don't you, aren't you…" Helo, always the one to keep up on planet side stuff evidently knew who he was.

"Well I was, but I'm kinda outa work now…" The soft tenor voice was laced with irony. His hands rested on Chloe's shoulders for a quick squeeze and she motioned for him to sit down. He pulled up a chair and did so.

"Karl Agathon "He smiled and pointed at Kara. Who piped up.

"Kara Thrace"

"Lee Adama" I felt stupid. I watched her eyebrows go up and she ribbed the quiet man next to her.

"Hear that Gabe? We have the Admiral's son on board…I thought your name was like Eros or Ares or something…" She quirked her mouth at me. I realized two things, she was gorgeous and she was messing with me. Kara picked up on it too and laughed loud. "So you must be ….Starbuck?"

"Guilty as charged..." Chloe raised an eyebrow and pulled her cigarette case out of her pocket. Popped it open and handed Kara a stogie. "You guys are legends." She seemed to be thinking hard again and offered smokes to both Helo and I but I declined and Helo pointed at his sucker.

"Thrace….Thrace..." She looked perplexed. Suddenly her eyebrows came apart…"Do you play?" Ok now I was lost, thought maybe she was channeling spirits or something when I saw Kara nod slightly.

"Not well…it's been along time, a really long time" Kara was rubbing her knuckles as if remembering something important, and not all that pleasant. I looked at Helo, dumbfounded and he wiggled his fingers on the table top. Oh right, duh.

"Hell if you could play a hymn I think I would kiss ya, do you know what hell it is to be stuck with a Bass player and no one else?" Gabe frowned outrageously and offered her a finger. She smirked and slapped it down.

"Wanna play around? "Chloe's eyes were suddenly lit from within, and she seemed a lot less casual.

"No, seriously, I don't think I could remember a thing, Apollo you're a book learned type didn't Caroline make you take Piano?" She looked desperate.

"Ya but I only had a couple years." I admitted.

"Good enough come on..." Chloe appeared between us and hauled Kara and I to our feet the look on her face like a little kid's. Helo was laughing and she winked at him and nodded toward the darkened stage. He stood up still laughing and followed us. I spared a glance at Gabriel to see him drinking the last of his glass and smiling a secret smile to himself as Chloe sent over her shoulder "Get your Lady Gabe we gonna have some fun."

She had us at the grand piano and I could see it was mostly covered with dust…but the keys were clean as if someone had been keeping them ready just in case. She plunked me and Kara down on the bench and ran to get a seat for Helo turned out he found one behind the trap set but he kept his hands held above them so to not be recruited. Gabe appeared a moment later toting his 'girl' which was a strikingly beautiful upright Bass. He set her down and began tuning her as we messed around trying to remember anything about how to play.

Kara didn't touch the keyboard at first, she sat quietly watching me pick out the melody for some of the lessons I remembered, children's songs most had nursery rhymes that went with them and I smiled that I could still pick them out. Then I tried the two handed version with both and found that I struggled a bit to put it together after a handful of bad keys and some wincing Kara stilled my lower hand and took over the bottom. We picked through one of the most universal two hand learning pieces and picked up speed as we went along. Normally it would have been hard to time it with someone else but it was Kara and her shoulder was pressed against me and there didn't seem to be anything more natural. It felt a little bit like flying with her. She flourished the bottom part a bit adding embellishments and turns while I stayed with her as best I could by just keeping the top part as precise and perfect as I could get it. We hadn't looked up from the keyboard but I could tell she had a grin on her face and I felt as if mine might crack. Gabe had picked up a likely undercurrent and added a loping bass line to our nursery rhyme. I glanced away long enough to see Chloe giving Helo a small instructional moment and a what looked like a whisk from the kitchen. He picked up the beat and brushed light strokes on the snare in front of him.

Feeling the music, as simple and elementary as it was made me feel light hearted, made me wish with all my heart I really knew how to play.

"Let's start that from the beginning?" Chloe intoned…Gabe slapped his hand down on the strings of Lucy, his bass and waited for a cue. I started to panic but Kara put her right hand on mine and winked at me. I knew she would lead me in.

The bass started first and Kara started us a measure later. We were slower this time more deliberate. A few measures in Helo added tentatively but it made me smile, such a small noise added so much. I could feel my face color.

"My sisters and I…."

Chloe's smoky, contralto voice rose above our labors throwing me off slightly, but Kara caught me and I played catch up to her for a couple measures.

"Have one wish before we die…"

I felt as if I was part of something bigger as it became easier to feel the music to be apart of what was going on.

"And it may sound strange, as if our minds are deranged..."

She had changed the words from the rhyme, but it was beautiful, intriguing and I played waiting on her next line. Kara was playing circles around me but it seemed so natural that I didn't mind. She had evidently played a lot longer than I had. Her hand had taken up residence on mine and she pushed my fingers down on my left hand so that we were playing two lower parts and I was still picking the higher part out with my right hand.

The song was over far too soon and to our surprise, there was applause when we finished, it rang out in the small lounge startling me and making me jump while Chloe smiled a stage smile that I recognized now, I was ashamed I had thought her a hooker. It was obvious now what she was and the happiness on her face told me she really missed her old life.

She turned and asked Kara if she knew a song I had never heard of and gave her a key and I sat feeling useless when Kara reached across and took my right hand shyly kissing me on the cheek mutely and placed it on the keyboard with hers she played a snippet and leaned into my ear.

"Follow my lead a 5th higher Lee, this part wont change just watch this hand and ignore my other". She took my left arm and pulled it behind her snuggling up to the left side of my chest. She started picking a tune and I matched her, slightly behind at first through the bars and she nodded when I started anticipating and as soon as she was satisfied she added her lower hand and let me adjust again and looked up at Chloe.

Chloe cued Gabe and just said follow to Helo…not sure he knew what that meant but he added counter points to the bass line without provocation smiling that it seemed that easy. We lost him a couple times and Kara leaned into me a couple times to keep me with her but over all it wasn't a bad sound.

Her voice made my heart ache and the music made Kara closer to me than I have ever felt. Like we were two halves of the same body. I glanced up to see there were people dancing and I realized that was what we were doing as well…intricately with feeling and I wondered how I ever quit playing, how she ever quit playing. Then I remembered how we flew and it made sense, a sad sense, at least we had something to do now…Chloe and Gabe were probably dying to do something with themselves. I realized my mind had wandered too far from the music and I gave myself back over to it as Kara swayed drawing me back in to the gentle rocking of her body against me and I sink into her. Her hand on mine leading me through different songs that I could feel even if I couldn't play them without her. I had to concentrate when they changed, there was always the adjustment to her right hand and the inevitable catching up and catching on but when I did the depth made my throat feel like it was going to close with unshed tears.

The third song was an extension of the second and to my surprise Kara started singing, her voice too soft for any one but me to hear at first but Chloe picked up on it and changed to harmony and Kara sang louder though I suspect it was for my ears more than anyone else, her face had flushed but she hadn't backed down and though she was not as smooth as Chloe her voice was comparable in range and blended well with the brunette's.

Gabe removed his over shirt after we finished the third song and stood retuning as Chloe walked back to Helo and showed him how to use the pedal on the trap set. I felt Kara breathing hard next to me and when I looked at her there was excitement in shining in her eyes.

"That was beautiful..."

She caught me before I could finish the thought kissing me soundly. The kiss was full of salt and unshed tears, and a humming excitement. As I sit trying to get my head clear feeling her heart beat against my left arm which was still wrapped around her Chloe came back and was telling her what the next number would involve, I just heard, "shouldn't be too hard, Bass part will carry it, He is doing really good."

True enough the Bass lead the next, it was more up beat and the crowd that had gathered LOVED it. They were singing some of it and dancing and I felt like a kid as Kara led me through it all smiling and giggling when we made obvious mistakes but recovering us enough every time to catch up.

Gabe's voice was rich and deep and I saw that Chloe was helping Helo with the "whisk" thing again Kara picked a complimentary tune periodically on my end of the keyboard, but the song was mostly the Bass and Helo. It made the crowd cheer. It was dark and told a story of some sort of monster trapped in a man's body. But it was moving and Gabe played it so well. His mesh shirt was obviously wet with sweat and I could see he sported a tattoo on his upper arm. Kara was playing around his vocals with the keys and it was seductive. She moved to take my hand again and led me into another song that involved Gabe singing it was a beautiful haunting song and Chloe had joined him singing back up.

Your love flows through me …though I drink at your pool, I burn for you..." It made my body ache, the words speaking to me and Kara's hand on mine became a form of torture. I leaned into her and whispered.

"I have to leave after this one…."

She meets my gaze and nods slightly not stopping, but leaning more securely against me and I know she can feel my heartbeat, she can sense my pulse and breathing, she knows what I need like she never had before. I have to stop playing and just let her finish it out. She moves against me like a lover and I close my eyes not caring anymore who is looking or what is appropriate. I let her move making this sweet torture last until the last strains of the song end and echo through the room and the clapping begins.

I grab her. She doesn't resist and we leave out the side exit. I can feel her heart beat in her fingers tucked into my hand as I pull her along. It felt so much like flying…I was vibrating from the music as sure as I would have my viper and she knew it.

There were no questions and hardly any talking, Kara had been mute save for the one song all night and I will never forget her hand on mine. I had felt as if she could have been in my cockpit with me with her hand on my controls with me. I have never told her what she means to me though I think she may guess at times. It's not appropriate and it certainly isn't healthy with how damaged we both are, but the world is over, and people like Gabe and Chloe don't get second chances to be what they love, at least not yet.

I refuse to let this moment pass, I refuse to ignore it. Tomorrow if we have to fine, but not now damn it.

I take her body into my hands and play her like an instrument I was born to play. Her sounds, only for me and when she calls my name it's deep and throaty and it makes everything we have been through, all of it, worth it. If I die tomorrow, I would die singing her name and hearing her voice singing mine. If this messed up our delicate balance then I would still remember her sounds, the feel of her leading me through those songs and the moment of absolute sync we achieved for a blinding moment in time. It gave me hope but I wasn't stupid I knew I needed to commit it all to memory because it was a song I may never have the pleasure of singing with her again, for whatever reason.

All other women were sight reading, practice for the concert that was Kara. She made me feel like the director of a symphony.

* * *

Chapter one

_She clinched her teeth, feeling the tearing of her skin as she pulled away from the nail she had backed into. A small whimper escaped her and she froze hoping that it hadn't drawn her mother's attention. The pounding of her heart was loud in her ears as she listened praying that she had been quiet enough. She heard the creak of floor boards above the sound of her heart and was blind sided by the light from the hallway outside of the closet as mother threw open the door._

"_I told you to be SILENT! " With the feel of the back of her mothers hand smashing her soft cheek against her hard teeth and rattling her skull with the force of her follow through, Kara fell back on the nail. This time it went through the flesh on the back of her arm. She felt the heat immediately it joined the flush in her face from the blow. Tears of pain and anger fell but she remained silent._

"_Answer me! " She was spitting and the alcohol on her breath was pungent and acidic. _

_Kara knew better than to rise to that, it was a trick. Demanding an answer after asking for silence was one of mother's favorites. It had been played out way too many times to count and she knew that she couldn't win by doing either. _

_So she held her breath and began the slow rocking back and forth that eased her mind and unsettled her mother. It was her one defense, the one thing she knew scared her mother. It made her mother think she had lost it, that her grip on reality had slipped and she had checked out. She knew better than to use it too soon. But Karen Thrace had been on the war path for nearly 12 hours now so she figured she could try it now. _

_She let her eyes slip into an unfocused gaze and her breathing slowed. The rocking was slow and easy unless Karen spoke or got too close. Kara knew it would only work if her mother thought she had pushed her too hard so she had to use this defense sparingly because it was the only one that worked. _

_Kara felt outside of herself. She looked down on the scene before her with disdain. The 6 year old sat in the closet rocking slightly, slowly, eyes far away tears forgotten while the mother stared at her, drunk eyes wide and skeptical. Her mother pulls back her foot and kicked her almost tentatively but hard. It rocked her a little faster but Kara held without looking or crying out. She was careful not to flinch. She compensated by rocking harder but that was the most response Karen Thrace got from her daughter._

"_You are crazy…" the woman hissed. _

_If Kara had been older, she may have had to laugh at that. As it was she carefully ignored it. Her spine lose as she rocked in her head she could hear her father playing piano. It always took her back to daddy playing, this trance or whatever it was. She could hear the notes and smells his cigar. Ironic part of the reason her mother hated her so was also her refuge. Daddy had died a year ago now and Kara felt the start of tears at the thought. Karen Thrace saw them, she saw through the rocking this time._

_This time when the foot connected with Kara's leg it hit her cast as well jarring the girl's broken hand and her mother's bare toe. Both Thrace's cried out. Karen grabbed her foot and fell over because she was too drunk to balance and Kara sat for a second shocked that this woman who was always above her screaming, hitting and threatening was suddenly looking at her eye to eye. _

_Something in Kara Snapped. She stood quickly pushing her way out of the closet her pulse so desperate she could hear it in her ears and throat. She rose above her mother and moved to swing the heavy cast on her right hand at her prone mothers head. _

_Karen Thrace's eyes had gone wide with fear. Her hands rose defensively. It would have been comical, considering the age and size difference in the two but the look in Kara's eyes promised that if she started swinging, chances are she wouldn't stop._

_Kara looked at her mommy. Mommy was scared, mommy who beat the living snot out of her almost every day of her life since her father died. Mommy was scared. Of her. Suddenly the anger in Kara bled out. Her six year old brain couldn't take it and she simply sat down and started rocking. _

_This time she really was gone._

_

* * *

_

Kara fingered the knuckles on her right hand as she moved her cards around in her grip. They ached sometimes. Now was one of those times. Playing Piano with Lee had been, well, disturbing in retrospect and the things he did to her after; well it was going to be along time before she could look into those blue eyes.

Sex and violence have been her only refuge since she has been old enough to do them both. Sometimes combined, sometimes (in Zak's case) completely separate. Whenever things were too much, whenever the weight of what she was became unbearable, she indulged in one the other or both. She tried not to think about Zak because it leads back to Lee and why this is so frakked up. She had efficiently avoided him for a week. She knew her luck would run out but she wondered if maybe he had been disappointed somehow because he hadn't come after her.

The music in her head, the feel of his hands it made her think of her dad. It was twisted and wrong and disturbing. Wasn't it? To have someone she has made love to invoke images of her father? He hadn't been anything like Zak and he certainly didn't remind her of any other men she had been with. Eww why did her father's song keep playing in her head when she thought of him?

Gods would never grant them a break, she knew that now. The reprieve had been spoiled by her fractured mind. She couldn't think of touching him again, it was too sick too weird and too frakkin scary.

The dreams had been worse than the flash backs to his hands on her. They were disconnected images of him mixed with half remembered snip-its of songs her dad used to sing her. If her memory wasn't playing tricks on her, he even kind of looked like her father. Tied to adrenaline and pain, every thing about him evoked her dad and the pain of losing him. Kara had to face the fact that her fear of losing Lee was a direct result of daddy issues and for once their problems weren't stemming from his father.

"Are you gonna play that hand?" She was jerked back to the game, her finger freezes on her bottom lip as she raises her eyes to Gaeta who is waiting expectantly, looking somewhat intrigued by the way she has been brushing her lips. His eyes had questions but he was too smart to ask them.

"frak," she whispered frustrated. "Nope, done here…" she stood abruptly and tossed her cards face down. "Got somewhere I need to be..." She stalked out of the room making one of her famous 'frak it' exits.

The gym was cold, colder than the rest of the ship because they kept the airflow up and heat down. She felt gooseflesh as she walked across the floor towards the punching bag trying not to be amused by the scattering of the enlisted and junior pilots alike as she made her way. She knew by the time she reached the bag that they would be scarce on that end of the room.

She tightened the strings on her gloves and started to warm up slowly stopping to stretch any time a punch felt tight. She felt the blood flowing to her tissues as she moved and the room got progressively warmer as she worked. Before long she felt slightly frustrated at the lack of motivation to actually hit the bag. Rarely did she lack the desire to hit things, it was a weird feeling to be so impartial, unmoved.

She removed her left glove leaving only tape on that hand and continued practicing the step in on her right cross. Her follow through left undercut smacked the bag with a satisfying spark of pain. It fueled her desire to hit it again and all seemed right with the world.

"Hey..." She tensed, her normal 'Lee-dar' had failed to tell her he was in the room. Her concentration on trying to want to hit the bag must have short-circuited it.

"Hey." She responded, trying for nonchalance.

"Been really busy lately I take it?" He gave her the excuse, because he was like that.

"yep...you too huh?"

"Sure, been playing catch up since the leave..." She winced that he mentioned it. She saw him note it and wondered what he would file it as in that brain of his.

He moved on, thankfully to less uncomfortable subjects, or at least that was what he was trying for.

"They found another one." His voice had dropped to just above a whisper and she realized why he hadn't tracked her down. He had been pulling advisor duty as well as Cag duty. Her heart fluttered and she felt sick. It had not been mutual. He had found her as soon as he possibly could.

"Another Boomer?" She was afraid of both topics he offered but this one felt safer for some reason.

"No, one of those blond women, like they had on Peggy." His conspiring tone would have been comical if things weren't so frakked.

"Oh, "she tries to remember what that one looked like. The image she gets is the blond bitch from Delphi. "Have they interrogated it yet?"

"No, they have Baltar working with it…but the VP has been, well weirder than usual about the whole thing. I think he has lost what little was left of his mind." It was odd to see Lee looking disturbed about that for some reason.

"They should kill it and get it over with…"

"That's the problem, Baltar swears he needs her alive for some reason."

"What the fra…?"

"I think you should try to talk to him." Her stomach lurches at the suggestion.

"Why would I do that?" Puke, she tasted puke.

"Because you are the last person he was, well 'normal' with." He looked as if he tasted puke too.

A sudden thought occurred to her about that. It made a sick kind of sense and she pushed Lee suddenly angry and wanting him away from her. As her feet hit the deck her brain shut down, she would NOT be thinking this, she needed to get away from Lee and she had to do it now. "Kara?" His confusion held him back for exactly three seconds and then he gave chase.

The route she took led them all over the Galactica. She ran until her lungs burned and her legs started giving way and she could no longer hear his strides striking the decks behind her. She was close to a trance like state, and as she ran her mind emptied and the only thoughts were simple and straight forward. She loved this man, be it right or wrong. She hated Baltar. She was scared of the Cylon. She wanted to live. She wanted the ones she loved to live. She would talk to him.

When he caught her it was in a deserted causeway. His grip on her arm, as they both struggled to catch their breath was bruising both of them. His words were staggered between gasps as he tried to get to her. She could see him watching her and his fear and worry.

It was the worry, that made her see her father again and something else clicked in her head and despite what he was about to ask her and how she would have to answer there was a peace that settled. He was like her father. That wasn't sick at all. He wanted to protect her and it occurred to her that even though that was hard for her to accept, that it was not weird or kinky. He made her think of her father because he wanted the same things for her. He wanted to take the pain away, he wanted to protect her and help her grow. But Lee wanted more than that as well and she wasn't ready to face any of it so she dealt with the problem at hand.

"Baltar, is my fault, I drove him nuts. I was callous and mean to him because he got to me." She watched his face, as the panting lessened and her words sunk in. He met her eyes and she saw the misconception of what she had admitted. She watched him wince and the pain start before she said the words that took it away. "He caught me when I was weak, I hurt his pride because when I was with him I cried out for you." There she had said it.

Lee's face changed three times before he met her eyes again. She could not read his thoughts. The expressions were easy enough but ambiguous. The last one, the one that stayed was awe. His bright blue eyes were wide and open. His mouth was slack and partially open as he gazed at her the muscles in his jaw loose. He looked easily ten years younger with this expression on his face. She remembered them nearly ten years ago and compared. Yep, he looked like he did before Zak died, just a little thinner, more intense. She wondered at the fact that her small admission had taken the pain and age from him but she moved on wanting to save this for later.

"He was crushed and angry Lee, and if what you say is true about his behavior then I was the one who cracked is last nut so to speak. I don't know if I could possibly help him. I could never lie to him and act as if I cared for him. I did too much damage to all of us the first time. I would be willing to interrogate the cylon though, if you ask me to…I don't claim to want to do it, but I would do it if you asked me to." She waited as he processed.

"Kara…I ...um Frak" She could see he had focused on the one thing she didn't want to get into and she violently redirected him, since she had no time for coddling him.

"Apollo, do you want me to interrogate her?" She pushed.

"The president asked me to convince you, but she knows how hard Leoben was for you so she said I wasn't allowed to make it an order." He admitted.

"Ok I will report after my next rotation."

"You can go now."

"You pulled me?" She looked at him surprised.

"I knew you would help." He shrugged and again she was reminded that he rarely doubted what he knew to be fact. He had known she would do it because he knew her sense of duty. Because he knew her better than anyone else.

Funny he had never understood how she felt about him. Now that she thought about that she realized it could be because she did not know herself half the time. The other half was spent in moments like this, contemplating his grasp of her and his total lack of ability to calculate her moves past the simple confines of their platonic interactions.

He must not be aware that everything he did was sex. Every word he spoke was passionate and feeling even if he was talking about after burn and conserving fuel at a briefing. She shook her head at how perceptive and yet how selfless he was at times. His emotions seemed to come from somewhere outside of him instead of inside. Inside, he had an amplifier. When he prevented an emotion it echoed with blind fury, when he shut down, it was anger so cold that it seared your skin. He was so expressive even in trying to block the feelings out. He was fascinating. He was staring at her.

"I'll go get ready."

He nodded realizing he wasn't going to get to talk about what she had said and seeming to accept it. She walked back to the duty locker wondering if she was up for this. Interrogation was damaging. It took her places in her head she didn't like to revisit. But it was necessary right? She wondered how cowardly it would seem to need him there for her when she was done. She would never ask but the things that this would pull to the forefront of her mind would be consuming and if he was there she could get through the aftereffects easier. She would never ask.

…

* * *

Chapter Two

"_Don't you dare tell him Lee…" Her hazel eyes were angry, scared and full of sorrow. "He doesn't need to know. He never needs to know"_

_If Lee had ever thought she meant to keep things from Zak for any other reason than to protect him he would have never have allowed it. But he was guilty of the same practice for as long as he remembered. It was instinct to protect that bright, expressive child from all things dark. He knew because he spent all of his years as his personal protector._

_He pressed his fingers into her wrist painfully. His eyes met hers, as he ran his finger nail up the mark on her skin._

"_You have to promise me that this will never happen again if you expect me to keep it from him." She shuddered but did not pull her arm from his grasp. Her eyes were empty when she met his gaze again._

"_It was long so ago, and I am way past trying to check out."_

"_There is too much here for you, Kara. Never, ever, forget that."_

"_You don't get it, I should never have told you. Things were a lot different when these happened." The faint scars ran the length of her forearms. They were obviously old but Lee knew them for what they were when Zak had never guessed. _

_The sunlight slanted across the glass that made up one whole wall of her flat. It bounced back and lit her eyes making the hazel appear green, with tiny flames of gold. Lee looked away, thinking he could see the fire in her and hoped she wouldn't ever feel the need to put it out again._

_She had a tattoo that covered the worst of the slashes, the one that cut across the grain of the muscle instead of parallel. He fingered it not even wondering at why she was letting him be so familiar with her. Not wondering why he was inclined to touch her in the first place. Lee wasn't particularly given to physical displays, except with Zak who was extremely tactile. It could be said that perhaps he viewed her as an extension of the one person he was comfortable touching._

"_Public property" He intoned wryly. Was it an affirmation of life?_

"_Don't ask it makes sense to me and me alone…"_

"_I think, you under estimate my ability to identify with that statement." It was her turn to look at him with the surprised and sadly empathetic eyes. "I know very well what it feels like..." He whispers softly. His thoughts on his brother again how Zak would never know those feelings and he felt a spark of pride that his sacrifices would allow that. _

"_How did you know what the scars were Lee?" She spoke barely loud enough to hear._

"_I am not all sunshine and healing despite popular opinion. There are things in my head that have nothing to do with success, if you can believe that." He felt his voice grow cold. "I have to be this for everyone else, we both know that, but there has always been a part of me that wanted to lay down and let it all go, to not be the big brother, son, star student. There is part of me that hates that none of the decisions I make are ever for me." He paused and chewed his lip slightly, unaware of how it made Kara shift to see that small gesture of worry. "I know I have had it good. I have not had to fight just to live like you have, but I have had to learn to live for others. No one gets that." He laughs mirthlessly. "I AM public property Kara. I have never been able to give into the urges to quiet the beat of my heart because it isn't my life to start with."_

"_Bullshit..." His eyes widen slightly but he says nothing waiting for her to finish. "You take all that on, no one makes you do it." He surprises himself by not feeling much about her denial of his admission; it really comes as no surprise someone who has no one else to look out for would feel that way._

"_Why did you want to check out?" He asked softly._

"_I couldn't stop the pain, it seemed like the only way."_

"_What if you dying would have transferred that pain to someone else, someone you loved?"_

"_I would never have even tried it…" She looks into his azure eyes._

"_Now take that a step further and think about if you screwing up could cause that pain. Would it effect your behavior as we know it?" Her eyes filled slightly and he looked away knowing she would hate him for catching it. He hated himself for admitting what he was telling her. "Everything I am is a façade. I don't exist anywhere. That's why I read, why I lose myself in the effort of things because it's all I have. I know people think its ambition, but its not, its distraction from my lack of self."_

"_What about flying?" He felt a small warm splash on his hand, now being cradled in hers he glanced up, she was looking out the window again. _

"_It is the one thing I am allowed to do for myself…even though it started out being for my dad, to be the achiever, the example, I can not deny it is the one thing I can do that I don't do for anyone else, not since I met you." He had referenced their chemistry, it was a faux pas. He wasn't supposed to admit that their flying was anything other than going through the motions, a strictly mechanical effort. He knew it wasn't and he could tell she did to. They had studiously avoided any mention of the connection they shared._

_She shifted slightly, and brought his hand up to trace the length of his fingers with her own. She refused to look at him. He could feel her holding her breath and he knew he had crossed a line they had been studiously avoiding since they had met. Zak was his burden his charge, he both loved and hated him. He could see her struggling with the same, her secrets were hers alone, he would never presume to know anything she didn't tell him. She had told him more than she ever would Zak and part of him was terribly protective of that. Zak got her body but he got to see a sliver of the girl that made the woman his brother loved. It seemed dirty and maybe cheap but right that he would know and understand this part of her._

"_I won't tell him Kara." He lowered his voice and felt it deepen slightly as he intoned her name. He felt it push out of his mouth like smoke from his lips, felt it drift up to his face, his ears. He saw her raise her eyes at the way he said it. He saw her fear, and her understanding. "There is no reason he needs to know…"_

* * *

…

Lee was standing outside the room watching through the small glass window as Kara sat at the table in front of the cylon. She had been at this for days. Today however Baltar happened to be in the room as well and it made Lee uncomfortable so he had adjusted the Cap and went to oversee the progress.

Kara looked tired and he knew immediately that she hadn't slept since she had started the interrogation days before. He kicked himself for not checking in on her sooner. She had made it plain though that she still wasn't ready to be around him since their whole leave experience and he didn't know if he could trust himself not to push her about her admission to what happened with Baltar so he had given her the space that she seemed to require.

Only he was doubting that he should take her cues anymore because her posture indicated this was hurting her and there was defeat in the way she held her own hands together. But her eyes, reflected in the glass behind the cylon were twin pits of fire. She was pushing and pulling this toaster with all she had.

She was doing it because he had asked her to. Gods why is the strongest woman he knows also the most broken? He tasted bile as he wondered at how he could have asked her to do this knowing all he knew about her. But in that lay the answer, as to why this was something she could do. One could take classes, read books, study all one could know about breaking a prisoner. But only someone who knew or seen a spirit broken could actually understand it. Kara knew about broken. He had asked her to relive it yet again.

He was frowning and Baltar happened to look up at him as he felt the anger at himself for what he had done to her. He saw the squirrelly little man flinch and he actually thought he saw him glance at the cylon like it would protect him. Gods he hated that smarmy bastard. Just then the Cylon itself looked up at him.

The blond model, six as they had come to call her because it's what they overheard Baltar calling her, was very very attractive and like Leoben, very violently intelligent, cuttingly perceptive. As Lee met its gaze he saw its mouth quirk slightly and to his amazement the thing licked its lips at him suggestively.

He felt sick suddenly. He saw Kara stand up her voice rising and he saw her glance towards the window and freeze when she saw him. Their eyes met and he wanted nothing more than to take her out of there and apologize for ever sending her in. The sickness of the situation was tiresome. He wanted to take her out in his viper and fly as far away from this whole mess as they could, and just coast until the darkness took them both.

She barely missed a beat but he could tell the cylon was taunting her and it had something to do with him. He saw her stiffen and Baltar's eyes widen and then become strangely animal as he watched Kara get in the cylon's face saying something Lee was sure he never wanted to know.

The cylon itself had been completely restrained, after Leoben he had made sure that it couldn't even move and told Kara she would just have to work around it. He watched as whatever the cylon said made Kara stop speaking and Baltar turn to it looking strangely fascinated. He saw Kara suddenly round on the Doctor. He knew it had something to do with him, and obviously Kara and it looked as if the doctor was reacting as well. Baltar had slumped, hands shaking as Kara ranted and the cylon sat smugly letting Baltar look at it as if it had just betrayed his biggest secret.

Lee suddenly had the sense that Baltar and the Cylon were strangely familiar with each other, that perhaps the good doctor wasn't on the right team. He tried to fight the fear of that and dismiss it telling himself that the doctor had feelings for Kara and wouldn't want her hurt. But then he thought about how a man with feelings for someone would react to that someone wanting someone else and Lee was moving to the guards as quickly as he could.

* * *

Chapter Three

_She had watched her father's face while he fought with mommy. He had let her be nasty to him. He never responded to her, not when she was angry like she got. Kara wondered how he could do that, it was like he stopped seeing her when she got that angry. _

_The first time Karen Thrace had hurt Kara had been before Daddy died. Karen had been mad at him and he had shut her out. She had turned on her daughter for stepping on her bare foot. Kara had been wearing her new paten leather shoes, the shiny ones that she never wore again. She had backhanded Kara across the coffee table. Drei had gasped and jumped to his little girl and the emotion he displayed elicited a strangely triumphant look on Karen's face._

"_Gods baby girl I am so sorry…" Karen's voice broke when she looked at her little girl's eyes, wide with fear and surprise. Karen moved to touch the child and saw her cower into her fathers embrace looking at her like she was from another planet. Her eyes narrowed and the look said 'I see how this is.'_

_Dreilide Thrace had held his little girl. He had rocked her and sang to her and told her it would all be ok. She had believed him, mostly._

"_Kara, I am sorry you have had to see your mother so angry. I know it's scary and you need to know it has nothing to do with you. You know that baby?" He was holding her on his lap as they rode on the bus to go to the college, to his tiny closet like office. His big gray eyes covering her face with a layer of love that Kara thought she could feel, like armor against the pain in her head._

"_Yes daddy." She responded but in her heart she knew he was wrong. She tried to shut that thought out and leaned into her father's chest smelling his after shave and playing with his hands. _

_Helping him stretch his fingers before he would play the piano, was one of her jobs. She took it seriously and anytime she felt like she was lost or unsure of what was expected of her she fell back on doing that for her daddy. She would slip her hand into his and start gently pulling his fingers first forward toward his palm and then back slightly each by themselves, and then all together. She would wrap her whole hand around each finger and warm it as well. She did it when she would hold his hand too. Daddy didn't ever tell her not to. He seemed to understand that even if he wasn't getting ready to play that Kara meant to be helping him. The last step in her ritual was to cover his fingers with her tiny hands and blow on them to keep them warm. This part always earned her a kiss._

* * *

…

The Cylon stood up. That wasn't supposed to happen. Kara responded immediately shoving the table away from her to pin the tall blond machine to the wall. She felt her heart stop as the table impacted the woman causing a predatory snarl to cross her features and Kara stepped back her mind racing.

"He can't save you Kara…" She was saying, her voice silky and seductive.

Starbuck glanced at Baltar. The Doctor was holding the keys to the bindings that were supposed to be holding the cylon to her chair. The bindings Lee had been adamant about.

"He won't save you….despite what you think." The cylon had followed her gaze to Giaus.

As she moved from behind the table, Giaus ran to the door and using the keys he had in his hand and jammed the lock with them, from the inside. Kara could see, though she could not hear the commotion out side of the room Lee was throwing himself against the door his blue eyes electric with desperation. The narrow glass panel in the door was framing him as he struggled and pulled his service weapon.

"Your destiny is written in the stars, Starbuck." She rolled Kara's call sign off her tongue mockingly.

Lee shot out the window. The percussion of the explosive round popped Kara's ears and reverberated but the cylon did not even flinch.

The cylon had Kara's throat in her hands and Giaus was sitting on the floor next to the door, key broken off in the locking mechanism. He was staring at the machine as it lifted Starbuck off the floor and brought her face directly in front of its own.

"You will be the mother of the future…"

Kara shook her head in denial, tears squeezing from the corners of her eyes as she fought to breathe.

"Oh rest assured, you need not be alive to accomplish your task….we have what we need from you….but.." She pulled Kara's head to her lips and whispered. "you will need to live long enough for us to get to him….to take from him …" Her voice broke off as the bullets from Lee's gun entered her head. She watched over the cylon's shoulder, as he wrenched himself through the opening in the door tearing his flesh and clothing to get in. If he had been a bigger man he wouldn't have made it.

Kara felt the machines grip on her neck tighten and the crushing start, she saw stars.

She hit the deck, and a haze of pain covered her letting her know she was still alive.

When she could see again, she saw she was in Lee's bloody embrace as he checked her. His shirts torn along with his skin, the narrow window in the door had been a few inches too shallow for his frame. He had forced himself through at the cost of much tissue.

The cylon was in a bloody heap next to him and Kara realized that besides the two shots she heard, that Lee had kept shooting until the machine had finally dropped her.

"oh Kara, I should never have asked you to do this." He was punishing him self as usual.

"God, you killed her…again…" The doctor's outrage was surreal, Kara wasn't sure who he was addressing.

Lee looked up and Kara saw his gaze trained to the doctor. His eyes narrowed. Before Kara realized what he was going to do, Lee raised the weapon still in his hand and shot Giaus neatly in the forehead. Kara watched the muscles jump in his jaw and how slowly he let his hand fall. She noted his bloodied knuckles and that his hands were shaking with rage.

She paused for only a second, catching the movement out of the corner of her eye as the marines ripped the door off its hinges, then she took the weapon from Lee and laid it on the floor.

She took his right hand in hers and carefully, gently pulled his index finger forward, and then back, moved to the second finger and did the same……

* * *

Chapter four

"_I did it sir, it was me." He watched as his father looked back and forth between him and Zak and he could see out of the corner of his eye as Zak shot him a look and then studied his shoes. _

_The glass on the floor in front of them sparkled like so many diamonds and Lee felt sick that the award his father had worked so hard for was now smashed beyond recognition._

"_You know this was very important to me boys?" Lee had stiffened at the sudden quietness in William Adama's voice._

"_Yes, ssir…" Lee steeled himself._

"_What were you two doing…that this could have been knocked off the mantle?" Lee squeezed his eyes shut for a second and took a deep breath. Working through the events he spoke carefully committing everything so that if asked to repeat he wouldn't falter._

"_I was swinging that bat around…I was just goofing around I didn't realize that I was that close to the mantle….Sir." He felt Zak shuffle his feet and sent him a death look to freeze him in place._

"_Lee, you know better….this was my service award…you will have to pay for it and you will be punished."_

"_Yes sir…"_

"_Are you sure that you did this?" Lee got the impression he wasn't being as convincing as he thought he was but he knew his father would take his word._

"_Yes"_

"_I will not go easy on you son..."_

"_I know sir…but it's the truth, I did it, Zak came into the room after it happened." He swallowed as William Adama started to remove his belt. He saw tears in Zak's eyes and tried to fight the ones that wanted desperately to fill his own. _

"_You know, I hate to do this, but there are consequences son…I take no pleasure in this." He father motions for Lee to come forward. Lee swallows hard repeatedly hesitating slightly, just long enough for the elder Adama to look at him. He looks down quickly, hoping his father didn't see the fear or the lie._

_He assumed the position stomach across his father's knee. His hands clasped onto the hand his father wasn't holding the belt with. He focused on the grip his father had on his fingers. He mentally traced his father's wedding ring with his eyes, feeling the cool metal and trying to ignore the flashes of pain as the leather impacted his backside. He kept his gaze on his father's fingers even though they blurred several times he never closed his eyes. He felt the pressure on his hand like an apology for what the other hand was doing. He was ashamed for lying but also that he hadn't stopped Zak from breaking the award in the first place that made it his fault, so the lie seemed justified. He could hear Zak sniffling as his father squeezed his hands one last time helping him stand back up. His backside was hot and he had trouble straightening his legs comfortably but he was proud that the tears had been swallowed. _

_His father was looking Zak up and down but said nothing. He looked back at Lee and his gaze was unreadable._

"_What have you learned Lee?"_

"_Not to play …" he felt his voice crack as he repeated what he had said to Zak just before the crash. "Not to play with out door toys inside…"_

"_Zak, what have you learned from your brother's example?" This was stated in a strangely louder tone of voice and Lee started and watched as Zak's eyes filled with tears again._

"_Daddy, I …I " Lee frowned furiously at Zak and twitched his mouth. "I learned not to play with outdoor toys in the house….and that there are consequences." The last part was thrown in because both boys knew that was the purpose of this._

_William Adama frowned and nodded looking at them both sternly and motioned to the floor before leaving the room._

_Lee watched him and moved to get the dust pan and broom. Zak caught him as he tried to get by him. His little brother's arms went around his middle and the tears fell in earnest as Lee tried not to push him away. He was hurting Lee's sore bottom because he was just short enough that his hug was wrapped more around Lee's hips, His little face pressed into Lee's side._

"_I love you Lee…" The sibilant whisper took some of the pain away. Lee relented slightly and ruffled his brother's hair. Zak's big brown eyes shown up at him and his genuine, adoring smile made Lee melt. Lee looked at his hand in Zak's hair and sighed, and pushed his sibling gently away so he could get the mess cleaned up._

* * *

...

"She hasn't spoken for days." The Admiral looked as close to frightened as Lee had ever seen him.

"She filled out her report though." He reminded his father.

"Yes, but Lee you have pulled her from rotation?"

"No…." he knew this was going to be hard to explain. "but she flies with me only…always my wingman, never alone."

His father regarded him, obviously wanting to understand. The logic in it was way off though, and Lee could tell he wasn't getting it.

"She needs to feel alive sir, she needs purpose…I don't trust her to anyone else. "

"I thought you two had a falling out after the last three day you had?" His father had heard about that? Gods he needed to smack some of the gossip prone crew around. The last thing he needed was his father speculating why they had fought.

"Falling out or not dad, she is my best friend." Truth, the best lie.

"Captain, you can't fix her, she is not a puzzle to be completed…" His father's voice had dropped and took on an admonishing tone. Lee was inclined to disagree with the statement anyway, maybe he couldn't fix her, but she definitely was a conundrum. "How do you communicate with her in the cockpit if she isn't speaking Lee?"

"We use a secure channel, "Lee held his breath. This was the closest to a lie. The channel was left open but she had only given hand signals to the booth for take off and he had talked her through landings. He had been talking, so technically the channel had been used.

"So she is speaking to you?"

"Yes, sir." This was more or less true, though she hadn't used her voice to do so. She had used touches and looks nods and head shakes but no words. He had been unable to deny her flight when she had looked at him and begged with her eyes to go with him. It was funny her mute state had left him silent for the most part as well. One would think he would be compensating for her lack of noise but instead it just shut him down as well.

His father regarded him solemnly.

"Tell her she will be pulled from the roster if she won't speak, captain. I am sorry Lee but it's dangerous for her to fly in this state. You,… you should….Damn it Lee we can't make exceptions for her." He watched his father sigh and look defeated. He cleared his throat and his father's eyes rose to his again.

"She is ok dad. She isn't letting me do it all….if she were I'd have in sick bay faster than she could turn around. And just to ease your mind, she may not be talking but she decked Jammer yesterday for mouthing off at her. He didn't file charges…" he threw in the last part trying not to smile.

He watched his father relax slightly.

"Is she sleeping?" The old mans fingers were squeezing the bridge of his nose.

Lee shuffled slightly. He hadn't expected this question. It was awkward because she was sleeping and because she had started some really weird ritual each night before she would go to sleep. If it had been frakking he might have understood. There was something much more intimate about how she chose to tell him good night as of late.

"Yes father, Kara is sleeping…and aside from a few bad dreams she is doing better than either of us in that department." William looked at his son, but didn't ask.

"Ok, I get it, if I have questions I need to take my chances with her? Listen.., "He saw his father straighten and enter command mode. "You need to remember you are her superior officer and conduct yourself appropriately." He tone changed again back to the father though it seemed more like he was her father in this instance "I know you are close but you need to make sure you aren't taking advantage of her current state..."

Lee felt his stomach drop and a red haze descend over his vision. The anger in his retort was quelled only because he was interrupted by a voice from the doorway.

"Like he could, if he tried…" Kara's voice rusty and surprisingly sexy.

Lee wanted to scream but she had spoken and it derailed his train of thought. He looked back at her and couldn't help but look down at her hands, the ones that put him to sleep for the last 6 days. The hands that spoke when her voice hadn't.

He watched his father smile and move to Starbuck taking her hands in his. It was an odd jealous feeling and Lee couldn't tell who he was more jealous of.

He watched as his dad noted the yellowing bruises on Kara's throat and jaw line. The Cylon had nearly crushed her wind pipe. He saw understanding crop up in his father's dark eyes along with anger. Then he watched as his father struggled with blame. He stiffened and braced as his father worked through it back to him.

"Your report said the reason you shot Baltar was because he had facilitated the attack? He was moving to hurt her?" His father's eyes were intent, expectant. It was Lee's turn to fall mute and he looked again at her hands covered by his father's large strong ones.

"Admiral.."

"He was moving toward me yes….and he had planned the whole thing he knew Lee wasn't in a position to defend me…he was moving to finish the job." Lee winced at her lie. "The marines can support that sir…"

"NO…Kara no…" He steeled himself. "I shot that bastard because of what he did, not because of what he was going to do… He nearly killed her, by his own hand or not, he had orchestrated the whole thing and I fell for it dad…I killed him because he hurt her."

"Walked in and shot him? Just like that?" His father's voice seemed too soft, the surprise was blatant.

"Yes sir…" He felt his spine go ramrod straight.

"Lee…" She started and his expression cut her off.

"You shot a man, for hurting Kara?"

"No, Admiral, I shot a man for planning, and nearly succeeding to kill one of my officers. Shot him for conspiring with an enemy agent and planning an attack on our best pilot. I killed him for his actions. But I should have caught it before, should never have sent her in. If I had been on top of it Kara wouldn't have been anywhere near that smarmy bastard."

"How could you know his intent, Captain?"

"Lets just say I had some insight into his motivations concerning Kara. It just took me too long to process it to prevent what happened."

"You knew he wanted to hurt her and you put her in there?" The Admiral's voice was incredulous and starting to get angry.

"No, not at first, I was too stupid to realize he was collaborating with the cylon and I had some misconceptions about his feelings for Kara."

"Misconceptions?"

"I thought he cared for her, I thought she would be safe."

"And this was untrue?"

"Oh he cared for her…but it got twisted." Lee felt his head spinning, this wasn't his forte. Love always eluded him, it and all its little artifacts. He had never understood it really but he knew jealousy and how loving someone amplified it beyond the confines of sanity in direct correlation to the type and amount of love involved. It was a near mathematical certainty that if someone had strong feelings of the positive nature that, if betrayed, those feelings had the potential for an equal opposite reaction.

"You put her in the room with him and this cylon, knowing he might hurt her?" The older mans voice was dangerously low now. He was gripping her hands as if she was trying to get away and Lee could see that maybe she was thinking about it.

"I didn't realize it at first; it was new information that I hadn't had an opportunity to consider. I would never have put her in danger…"

William was not thinking clearly, just as Lee hadn't been and his anger was threatening to send Lee into one of his outbursts and Lee was glad he was not armed because after shooting Baltar the idea that it could be that easy to end conflict was a seductive one. He felt sick that his father thought he would ever put Kara into a situation that would hurt her if he could help it. He also knew that he father knew this.

"He saved me…." Her voice was soft and raspy and Lee could tell it hurt her to talk. He had no idea how her words were stated in defiance of what the Cylon had been saying. The transcripts of the exchanges had yet to be completed. And she hadn't let him into her personal hell. He did know the Cylon had given precious little in return for the physical and emotional damage that Kara had walked away with and it made him feel horrible.

He watched his father search her face. He felt helpless. He shrugged slightly uncomfortable his healing wounds were at the itchy stage and he wished he could be dismissed to change the dressings.

"He saved me, sir. He did all he could….did you see his wounds?" As if she could tell his mind was on his pain. He was somewhat shocked, she rarely ever seemed concerned with such things…it was too soft, to nurturing to be a Kara thing to say. He began to worry that the cylon has done some serious psychological damage.

"A few scratches?" William dismissed them and Lee let out a breath in relief.

"No sir, he crammed his body through an opening edged with broken impact glass that was three inches too narrow for his body. He ripped tissue from his fame and bruised himself to the bone to get to me in time to keep that cylon bitch from killing me…."

He felt his face go red. He had never talked to her about it. He hadn't wanted to be kept from flying so he had treated the wounds himself. It was nothing she hadn't done on occasion herself and they really weren't all that bad. She hadn't seen him naked, he had been careful to change in the head and shower opposite her. He had been sleeping in his tanks. He should have guessed she would pick up on a lot of it but he had thought she was too out of it during, to have noted his injuries.

"Show me…" The concern in his father's voice was …new.

"But sir…" He started as Starbuck unbuttoned his jacket. He felt weird, like a zoo animal and a little freaked out that Starbuck was removing his clothes in front of his father like he was a small child. Truth be known, he suddenly felt like he was 6.

He swatted her hands away trying not to be mean, but showing his displeasure.

He pulled his tanks to the side to show the healing scores on his chest, hoping his father wouldn't ask him to remove the tanks. He had matching ones on his shoulder blades. He saw his father swallow and the anger resurfaced.

"Why don't I have med reports on this Captain?"

"They are just scratches like you said…" He was fighting not to shout.

Kara shook her head, and moved in, she was acting so strange…granted no weirder than she had been for a week now but her need to show his dad was just plain odd.

She looked him in the eyes, her pupils enormous. She blinked and asked him silently to trust her. He wanted to be angry, to feel violated, but the look in her eyes made him sigh and let her drag his tanks over his head.

"Oh my gods…Lee what the hell were you thinking? It's too late now but you could have had those treated…you are going to scar …" He looked up at his father feeling very much the 6 year old.

Lee saw his father unconsciously finger the scars on his face. It had never occurred to Lee how his father's own wounds effected him.

"I am fine, sir" He didn't know he sounded like the six year old Lee. His father considered him intently. "They don't hurt nearly as bad as they look." He frowned.

The marks were looking pretty bad, worse probably than they really were because of the bruising that was starting to heal. Yellow shadows of deep abrasions and contusions covered a path across his chest it was several inches wide and skipped a couple times where it had been his back that had taken the force. He had tried unconsciously, while shoving his body through the gap to avoid ripping off his nipples so the worst marks on his back were a reflection of that, deep gouges and bruising where he had leaned back. The worst parts had gauze and tape covering the ravines dug into his flesh by the pieces of glass that had been left in the window frame.

Kara had tears in her eyes as she helped him put his shirt back on. She froze as she moved around his back and saw the wounds there. For a second she touched each of the deep gouges gently making a strange gasp as she did so. She then silently pulled his tanks back over his head so he wouldn't have to lift his arms and pull on the tape that was holding the bandages over the worst of the gouges. Lee was thankful for that at least, even if he was going to kill her for starting this.

"Will that be all Admiral?" Lee had let his voice take on the business only tone. He was not discussing this further and his pride was wounded that they hadn't taken his word for it and left him alone.

He glanced at Kara but refused to meet her eyes. He was confused as to why this was so important to her and hurt that if she wanted to know why she hadn't waited until they were alone.

* * *

… 

"_We know about you Starbuck…we know your destiny…" the cylons voice was soft and taunting. Kara knew it was just a dream but she couldn't stop it from talking. "we know you think he has special meaning in your life….and we know why…." _

"_Shut up, everything you say is just a guess….you LIE." _

"_Oh, but you know when I am telling the truth, Kara, and I am telling it now…"_

"_Who are you talking about he – who?"_

"_As if I need to answer that…you know I am talking about your angel…the one the fortune teller told you about…."_

"_How do you know about that?" Her voice is trembling, it's such a give away, thank the gods this is a dream._

"_We know a lot about you Kara.."_

"_You think you know who he is …don't you? Well you're wrong, I already betrayed my angel, he is already dead, you can't have him, you are too late…." Kara feels satisfaction that she has saved Zak from this, that her one true love had died before, just as it had been foretold, by her hand before the cylons could use him."_

"_you are so blind….and beautiful in your misconception."_

"_he can not save you…"_

"_I know…he is already dead….you're outa luck bitch.."_

"_he won't save you…."_

_Kara woke, sweating but stifling the cry about to spring from her lips. She waited as her heart slowed and let her hand drop from the bunk she had moved to after the incident with the cylon. She immediately felt a warm strong hand take hers and hold it. She stroked her thumb across his knuckles and sighed._

_He didn't say anything but she knew her breathing had awakened him. He was sleeping very lightly as of late and she felt bad but knew she couldn't keep him from it. She held his hand knowing that when she fell back asleep it would fall back down to his own bunk._

* * *

…

She was standing at the door listening to the Admiral, he was being kinda hard on Lee. She felt responsible.

"Like he could if he tried…" She felt herself draw up, to gather the strength her dreams had been sapping from her. The words hurt to expel. She felt as if she were a punctured balloon and talking was the leak. She felt deflated.

The Admiral moved to her and as he took her hands she tried to clear her image addled brain so that they could get through this. The cylon had frakked her up good with its lies. It had scared her more than Leoben because it had been specific. Things she had told no one, it knew and had thrown in her face. She was hoping that it had been fooled, that the prophetic quality of its assumptions had been negated by her earlier failures in life. That in the grand scheme of things her failure with Zak could also be his salvation.

She is hearing the commander try to place blame and sees Lee taking it.

"He was moving toward me yes…and he planned the whole thing he knew Lee wasn't in a position to defend me…he was moving to finish the job. The marines can support that sir.." Every syllable hurt but she was deathly afraid Lee would be brought up on charges for shooting the Vice President. She needed to make it clear he had to shoot Giaus. Even if that wasn't exactly the case.

"NO…." Lee's words were lost in her shock. He was denying her simple truth and slapping the reasons up for all to see. He was taking a big chance she hoped he knew what he was doing. If he said it wrong it could come out like a jealous lover killing his competition. Even though the lover part wasn't quite right it would still take the whole ordeal into the wrong arena and he could be prosecuted. She hadn't lied about the marines they would say exactly as she had said, one had visited her in sick bay and told her as much.

"Lee…" Gods she had to help him.

He wouldn't allow it, she sees it in his eyes and the way he is holding his body. She lets him take it. She knows she can't stop him, she stands hoping he can put it all to words that will make it less dramatic, less twisted and pregnant with evil intent.

He surprises her and doesn't lose his cool. He doesn't rise to his fathers needling, nor does he respond emotionally in any way, until the commander pushes him just a little too far …until he questions Lee for putting her in the equation to begin with. Until he implies its Lee's fault she was hurt. Then she can't take it anymore…then she has to show the old man…he has to know who his son is…he needs to see the pain.

"He saved me…" In her head Kara was thinking hard, trying not to give in. She didn't want to tie it to what the cylon had said but it was happening anyway. She didn't want it to mean what it did. "He saved me sir. He did all he could…did you see his wounds?" She wanted badly to hold Lee's hand to apologize for this one of many betrayals she knew he would not thank her for making his father see. It was the least of what she would do to him, she knew that now. She wanted to hold his hand.

"A few scratches?" He sounded like she was wasting his time.

…Zeus doesn't know his son. He is unaware of his son's destiny, he can not see past the boy, to the martyr, he never has, and it will be the child's death…

She wasn't sure whose words they were, Zarek? Leoben? Some other nameless person that has taken up residence in her dreams?

. "I have to be this for everyone else, we both know that, but there has always been a part of me that wanted to lay down and let it all go, to not be the big brother, son, star student. There is part of me that hates that none of the decisions I make are ever for me."

Lee would never die for himself but he would for others and Zeus, Adama needed to see it.

She told the Admiral what Lee did and waited, hoping that she was doing it right, hoping that Lee would forgive her.

"Show me."

She moved to take his jacket. He slapped her hands away looking very pissed. But complied with his fathers order by pulling his shirts aside to show the bruise that started next to his left nipple. He only pulled it far enough to show the start of the first bandage. She was frustrated but waited as they sparred about reports that were skipped. She wouldn't allow this to be let go.

She moved willing Lee to forgive and the old man to take note. This was important it was the only thing she could do to help them later. William needed to see Lee as a man and as the willing sacrifice he seemed to want to be. He needed to know before the time came when it would all be on their shoulders. Her betrayal , his denial and Lee's sacrifice. It had to be circumvented somehow, she had to make sure of it.

Lee's blue eyes closed to her as she moved to withdraw the fabric that covered him. His fathers soft gasp was indication that she had succeeded in making her point. He declared his surprise to the gods and touched his own face in recognition of pain.

She listened to Lee's anger and humiliation. Her throat hurt terribly but she kept from coughing by biting her tongue violently to make her mouth water. It helped a little. Then she moved to help him put his shirt back down.

She froze as she saw the marks on his back and her brain pulsed with memory. The marks...looked like something had been removed…they looked like he had something amputated. They were higher than the marks on his chest because of the way he had wedged himself through the door. She touched each in turn and nearly sobbed. She was wrong, she hadn't prevented the first prophecy, it just hadn't taken place yet. She gently lowered his tanks into place and moved away from him. Her hands were shaking and her mind reeling. Her heart may just yet explode. He stormed out while she tried to get her eyes to stop leaking.

All this has happened before…

The Admiral thought she was feeling responsible and came and held her. She felt the anger and frustration of fighting against destiny and she took a few moments of comfort from the man who never owed her any then she tried to beat a hasty retreat to find a quiet place to think about all she knew, or thought she knew. Two words kept playing in her head and she wanted to scream that they meant nothing.

Angel, martyr, betrayer, father. These things the cylon had told her but it hadn't been the first time she had heard them. She tried as hard as she could all these years not to give them any credit. After all a carnival fortune teller is just for kicks, what little girl doesn't want to think she has some sort of enchanted destiny?…Except the story had been a tragedy instead of a fairy tale…well maybe she hadn't been reading the fairy tales right because when she thought about it they were all pretty gruesome.

_Fallen angel….fallen angel…_

He was the martyr, not the angel…Damn it. What if he was both? Kara felt herself drifting suddenly, her head swam and her vision hazed over. The last thing she remembered seeing was the lip of the commander's door as she tripped over it.

* * *

… 

Chapter five

"…_.Lets go daddy please…" She is pulling on his wrist, she never pulls on his fingers. His fingers are too important._

"_Kara, you will waste your tickets, wouldn't you rather ride something?" He was smiling indulgently. _

"_I want to know my future daddy…" Her dark eyes dancing as she begged him, he smiled thinking only at this age could she possibly think knowing her future was a good thing. He smiles and shakes his head._

_They enter the booth after giving the strange, placid looking bald man her tickets. It is darker than outside and it takes a minute for their eyes to adjust. Kara, being five, suddenly gets scared that it's so dark and Drei feels her hand grip his but is proud that she neither asks to leave nor does anything else that indicates her fear. Hell he was feeling a little uneasy suddenly and he laughed to make that go away. The sound fell strangely in the small room and did decidedly little for his unease._

_The 'room' which one would assume is actually the back of some truck, was hung with draped fabric from the ceilings and there was a table in the middle that held a candle, the only light in the room now that the door was closed._

_It smelled of incense, and maybe alcohol and Drei wondered if maybe this wasn't a good idea after all._

_As their eyes adjusted he realized they were not alone. There was a woman sitting at the table but she was mostly in shadow. He started just as she spoke._

"_Come forward and let the light reveal you…" Her voice was soft and raspy, it was impossible to tell her age._

_He moved forward feeling Kara steel her little body. She moved into the light and he watched it catch in her hair and cast shadows across her features making the baby curves disappear and he suddenly didn't want her there. She looked older, even though she was the same child he had entered with it scared him. _

_She was clenching her jaw adding angles where curves had been._

_He watched helpless as his daughter regarded the woman in the shadows beyond where the light fell from the candle and waited._

"_pick your medium"_

_He watched as hands appeared on the table top and laid three velvet bags on the table. She splayed long slender fingers across them._

"_cards, runes, tiles"_

_Kara stood only for a second before selecting cards. Her father wondered if she was thinking triad cards because she had always had a knack with those and he smiled._

_The woman went to take the bag she indicated as cards touching Kara's fingers as she did so. The touch would have been just a brush but she hovered. Fingers on top of his little girls and she breathed in it wasn't a sharp intake but it was pronounced, like she was trying to smell Kara._

"_Huntress…" she whispered. Drei felt odd. Maybe he should take Kara and go. That simple word sounded so, adult to him and he was suddenly worried that this game would be geared to him and not his child._

_She tossed the other bags back as she opened the one holding the cards. She passed her hands over the deck. Breathed on it and held it out for Kara to touch. Kara hesitantly did so and the woman spoke again._

"_Don't be afraid child, you are the bravest of us all, your destiny is great and vast. You must learn to face it." The woman leaned in and her white hair came visible her pale eyes reflecting the light. She would have appeared a crone except her skin was flawless, she was in fact much younger than the color of her hair implied._

_Drei was not comfortable so he began humming to himself watching Kara for any signs that she wanted to leave._

* * *

…

The sick bay was bustling and Kara was fighting irritation at all the noise. She wanted to punch someone, anyone. Her head was swimming and she was fairly certain she had lost her lunch somewhere on the way here. The commander came into view as she lifted her lids experimentally and she heard the PA call captain Adama to Med Core and she wondered what good Lee was going to do here.

"It's earlier than we would have normally caught it of course, its not 100 accurate at this point it could simply be a dietary imbalance causing her to discharge protein,"

"I have a feeling it's not.." the commander's voice was angry and soft, a deadly combination.

"William I would like to point out that this needs to happen on a fleet wide scale if we are to survive…"

"It should NOT be starting with my lead pilot." He spit. "Nor should my CAG be involved, he better pray he knows nothing about this…"

"You think he does…" It wasn't a question.

"They have been …'odd' lately"

"In my opinion, I don't think we could pick a better combination. Our animal natures seem to pick the best viable cocktail for survival, if it is as you fear you must understand the natural order. It has nothing to do with what happened before we were almost exterminated….it can't"

"Thank you for the philosophical input Major, I would like to talk to my son alone, if you don't mind"

* * *

…

_Kara felt funny when the lady's light eyes looked into her dark ones. She shuffled slightly but straightened. The woman had called her 'huntress and something in her expanded and accepted it as if it was offered, not declared. _

_She laid the cards that Kara had touched face down in a big cross shape 13 cards in all. Kara watched as she touched each in some sort of affirmation that the cards were where they belonged. She then moved to the first one and turned it over._

"_Queen of Swords" This is no surprise, huntress…she smiled at Kara then and Kara thought that she was beautiful._

_The next card caused the woman to blink but she laid it over just the same and Kara started. She tried not to be scared._

"_Death, upside down…could mean life…but I fear that it means change in this, it is not a bad card child, it just means things will not stay as they are…" the woman was blinking as if she was trying to believe it. The words were practiced as if she had to explain the death card so often that it just fell out of her mouth. The blinking spoke otherwise._

"_Prince or Knight of swords" He or they are your equal. They are your goal._

_Kara heard her father shuffle behind her and the woman looked up at him. Her fingers hovered over the card as if she was afraid to leave it but afraid to touch it she met Kara's father's eyes and made a decision. Her fingers fell onto the card. Her eyes flickered closed and she spoke._

"_Fear not father, these are meant to protect your child. It could be one man but the card is Gemini, the twins; perhaps a man with dual allegiances. He is her angel. He wears the wings of strength. He wears your mantle, he will protect her"_

_Kara felt funny but the look her father and the woman shared was strange and sad. She suddenly wanted to know what the heck that meant._

"_I have an angel?" She tried not to sound scared._

"_You do…though I would guess right now he doesn't know that is what he is.." the woman smiled again and it was encouraging but there was a glimmer of sadness._

"_What does that mean?"_

"_Its like a knight in shining armor sweetheart, it means you will have love.." Her father explained._

"_Not exactly, it will be love, it is true and he will protect her but he is not just the hero, he is also the weapon…he is swords. They are equal's, she will not bend to him. It is not the same"_

"_The hanged man…" the next card was ugly and frightening. "It is another facet. The Knight will sacrifice himself, but there is also a martyr. There are two lives in question, Gemini, but one man or perhaps two men and one life…." She looks unsure she fingers the card gently and her eyes seem to glaze over. "One is the lover, one is the twin. Both are the knight, both are the martyr. Only one is the angel, the true love, the weapon." She blinks and looks at the little girl in front of her and her eyes fill with tears, "I am sorry I can't get it to come clearer…I can't get the faces to split, they look the same but the eyes are black, no color has been given.." Kara thinks this lady may have had too much to drink but feels strangely uneasy about the words, though they make little sense. She shifts and her father clears his throat._

"_You want to be done with this Kara?" Daddy sounds as creeped out as she feels._

"_No daddy I wanna know about the knight and the wings.."_

_The next card is the lovers and the woman nods. _

"_There will be love and a lot will ride on it, a lot more than any of us can fathom." She moved on quickly as if wanting to avoid thinking about the love part any more._

_The next card is the fool._

_Kara laughs at the happy face on the card and points. See daddy he looks happy, I get to be happy…after all that stuff, she motions at the other cards and the movement of her sleeve across the table blows the fool card and it lands covering both the hanged man and the knight. The woman winces. She keeps her thoughts to herself._

_She leaves the card where it landed. _

"_That means a journey will ensue…another change that will effect every aspect of your life"_

_She turns the next card and it's the Emperor. Kara touches the picture of the man's face and the woman sucks in a breath. The child is touching her cards…and she knows this reading isn't like the others. _

"_The father figure, the knowledge that sees all, and nothing at the same time"_

"_my daddy?" _

"_not this one.."_

"_another daddy?" Kara looks confused. _

"_in a manner of speaking.., perhaps the father of the knight?" the woman moves on her explanations getting vaguer as she seems to get distracted._

_Queen of cups._

"_You will use your love to manipulate the knight to do what he must…he will die for your love .." Her face says she hadn't wanted to say it like that. Her hands are shaking and she looks up at Mr. Thrace. "You can get your money back for the ticket. I fear I am losing the aura , I can not continue the child's reading, it reaches too far…it isn't supposed to be this deep. The pale eyes are dilated and her slender hands are tapping nervously on the next cards she doesn't want to turn over. Her eyes are going blank and she looks directly at Kara suddenly taking the child's hands in her own as if Kara was something toxic and painful._

"_Huntress, you must garner all of your strength learn from your pain because pain is what you will reap. Love is pain. You will love more deeply and constantly than anyone but you will pay for that love. The knight will fight, the angel will die, the father will deny. It converges and splits so many times I cannot see the individuals I only see the pattern. You will have love and you will pay for it…..the father will deny, the angel will die, the martyr, you will betray and in that save us all…but you must be the huntress…your strength must not falter. Only in your strength will the twin be strong enough to change what the cards demand…….the father will deny….." the woman's pale eyes never leave her once._

_Kara felt her father snatch the woman's hands from her and the pattern starts ….Drei is denying everything the woman had just said and Kara, only 5, realizes it. She can still see those strange pale eyes in the dark. They should scare her, and sometimes they do, but eventually she welcomes them when the darkness is all she has._

* * *

…

"It's not yours Lee…" she felt sick, in every possible way. Her body is sick, her mind is fractured and her spirit is flailing in agony.

"Then who's...?" his voice is soft, just like his fathers had been. His face is a mask of indifference. She was hurting him in the worst possible way. She knew that neither of them had meant to move forward into the whole relationship frontier. She knew the trouble he would be in if she told him the truth. She knew her love would get him killed.

"I don't owe it to you to tell you…"she is hoping anger will keep him at bay.

"You took my best pilot off the roster indefinitely, don't you think I should get an answer?" His sorrow and acceptance made her chest ache.

"Lee, this is not your problem…"

"What if I want it to be?" She starts, this surprises her. She can't look at him. If she sees those blue eyes she will cry and that would do neither of them any good.

"Frak you Adama, I am not your charity case. I don't want you and I damn well don't need you so frak off and quit trying to rescue me. I frakked up, Lee. I frakked a lot of people, don't you remember I am the pilot that can't keep her pants on…" Her voice had risen to the point where the techs across the room had looked up and back down hastily.

"So, what your saying is you don't know if it's mine….not that you're sure its not." His frown would have been comical if the situation wasn't so sick.

"Frak it Lee you want to have a kid with a slut?" Her anger is making her spit the words out.

"No, I am saying that if it is mine, that you acknowledge it and we go from there." His voice is tight and tired and he seems to be giving up on something. As if defeat could be read in all the lines of his body.

"It won't be …I don't want this from you." She meets his eyes. She sees what she has taken from him. She sees yet again, the betrayal. Her heart cries out but her words cut because that's how it's supposed to be. "I don't love you. Not like that."

The pain on his face, the unspoken words suddenly dismissed by the spoken. He had never asked her about their tryst. He had let all of the issues slide, hadn't asked about the incident with Baltar, even though he had wanted to. She had watched him struggle and remain silent about all the things they had been shoving under the bruises they both wore from the cylon situation. She had landed the final blow by dismissing what had never been questioned. She had taken a truth they weren't facing and dispelled it with a lie. His pain was palpable but his pride held him up.

"Ok Kara, have it your way, you always do…" he splays his hands on the gurney next to her and she watches them, wishing she could take them into hers, "but I want you to remember something, something that I think you forget on purpose. I know you, because I have no choice, because it happened without my consent, you can fight it all you want and you can push me away but you will never be able to get rid of me…I face you every time you look in the mirror. Lords help me, I face you every time I do…"

She is seeing the angel, and the martyr and he is seeing the twin.

The pathways intersect, and converge. The lines are too convoluted to read. The real questions are answers and the answers are always questions. She watches his stiff back as he departs, imagining the wounds there, the ones that look like someone ripped his wings off. She knows she is responsible. She begins wringing her hands wondering if his child will have those long beautiful fingers.

* * *

...

Chapter Six

_Zak is pulling toward the scary bald man who takes tickets and Lee resists._

"_I don't want to go to a silly fortune teller…." He tries to hide the fear with disinterest. He scans the midway and tries to get Zak to pick a ride instead._

"_No Lee, I am too short for the bumper cars, lets go see the fortune teller maybe they can tell us when dad will come home again." Lee tries not to grimace at that. Zak looks up at him and unleashes the eyelashes. Lee sighs and follows the fearless little sprite towards the odd looking ticket taker and hopes that they won't be kidnapped._

_Zak has given the money and is standing in front of the table in a nearly dark room and Lee has a distinct urge to step between his brother and the table as the voice comes from the shadows. The woman sounds as if she has been crying but she asks his brother to pick one of the three velvet bags she has laid on the table. Zak points at the one she called cards. The woman's voice breaks as she asks if he is sure, the cards have been tricky today. Zak nods, he is sure._

"_Touch the cards darling…" the woman's soft voice is rusty._

"_Lee..?" Lee sighs and moves forward and even though he was the one who was scared to come in, he knew this would happen. Zak wanted him to touch them, he was afraid to do it himself. He went to do it and the woman grabbed his hand._

"_No if the little one wants a reading he is the one who has to…." The woman's voice trails off as she is clinging to Lee's fingers and she shakes her head. Before she can stop him Zak reaches and touches the cards._

"_Damnit….Dioscuri…I should have known," She sighs and looks intently at the two boys in front of her trying not to cry again._

_Lee notices that her hair is the color of moonlight and her eyes match._

* * *

… 

Lee is standing outside of the sick bay. He is taking shallow, careful breaths. He will not cry. His heart is shattered into a million pieces and his back aches with the weight of it all. He marshals his pain and pulls himself upright and moves finally in the direction of the hanger bay.

He will not let this stop him, he can't. All of this is more than he would normally be able to take but there is no choice, she gave him none. She doesn't want him. He knows the baby is his. He knows she is lying. He just can't figure out why. After all of this, why is she still pushing him away?

He thinks of her nightly ritual, the way she caressed his hands each night since the cylon incident. Remembering the way she worked each of his fingers back and forth, and then his hands ending each time by blowing on them until he kissed her. She would then climb up to the bunk above him and he would listen to her breathing until she fell asleep. He felt tears start in his eyes hating her for giving him that and then taking it away.

"Captain, I expect you in my office as soon as you are off shift." His father's voice cuts through his thoughts and dries the tears that have yet to fall. He doesn't turn but he nods, and continues fighting the anger that has cropped up. He hasn't decided yet if he will comply.

"How could you do this to her Lee? She was your brother's fiancé, damn it. How could you even take the chance? She is so fragile. You have taken the worst sort of advantage. I am disgusted and embarrassed of you…"

His father's words were like poison in his veins. He was ashamed but not because she was Zak's he was ashamed because she said she didn't love him. He had it wrong. He would never have betrayed his brother's memory for less than love. But he had been wrong. He had bet it all on the unspoken words that turned out to be just his own voice telling him what he had wanted to hear. He was worse than dirt. But he knew the kid was his so he would figure out how to do right by the child even if the mother and his father never intended to forgive him.

Fragile my ass, he thinks.

* * *

Chapter Seven

"_No Lee keeps your wrists up." His mother playfully slapped the underside of his wrists as he tried to practice. Her blue eyes sparkling mischievously as her oldest son tried not to laugh._

"_Mom, you are the one who told me to practice, why are you making it hard?" His ten year old face was wise beyond its years as he eyed her she felt her heart ache. His blond hair was long and crazy; his father would have a fit if they didn't cut it before he returned on leave for his visitation. Caroline couldn't help it; she always let it grow in between leaves, because this child, the one with the unruly strawberry blond hair and the wicked grin, was her boy, a mirror of her in her youth even with his father's jaw line and short nose. _

_His narrow fingers and small hands made spanning the octave nearly impossible, and truth be known Caroline didn't care if he played a lick, she simply enjoyed sitting here with him an hour a day, looking at him. Surprisingly, and maybe in spite of that he was fairly good. He picked it up easily, and if she had pushed he would have performed in a way that would make his father's ideas of vipers mute. She didn't push though; it was his life, she was just happy to have the daily reprieve with him._

_This boy, her boy, she knew she wasn't supposed to have a favorite but he just wasn't like other kids and she worried for him. She wanted someone to love him for his apartness even as everyone loved Zak for his charisma. Her heart hurt for her oldest son, so displaced, aloof. She told herself there had to be a reason he shut everyone out. A big epic reason, not something she did wrong. He was special and no one would ever convince her otherwise._

"_Is it time yet?" He was looking at her sideways. She sighed, it had been up for 5 minutes. She thinks he knew that but was humoring her, because that is what he did. _

"_Yes, Lee-Lee you are done." His hands spring from the keyboard and the notes he had been nursing died slowly in the air._

_She brought him to her before he could run off. Turned him and looked into his eyes willing herself to see the parts he never let anyone in on. Oh they were there; the boy was far from vacant. But no matter how many times she did this, he never let her in._

"_Mom?" Always with the concern, always for her, not himself._

"_I love you Lee-Lee" She whispers and he smiles and cocks his head questioningly._

"_I know mom-my" He sing songs back at her and she pulls him into a crushing brutal hug. She shocks the impish smile off of his face. Her hands tremble slightly as she lets him go. She tries to look casual._

_She smiles reassuringly at his confused look. And takes a mental picture of his little face, and his knobby knees, he is growing so fast, and though she has never been able to get into his head, she knows its only going to get worse. She shoos him out after she realizes that she is going to cry anyway and he bolts unable to keep the energy in anymore._

"_That's my boy…" she says to herself as she moves to mend a pair of Zak's jeans._

…

* * *

The mighty Starbuck is on her knees. Her sweat drenched face has hair sticking to it and if one was to look, probably not a little puke. She thinks someone is to blame for her current state but the idea causes tears to well so she lets that train of thought derail. She is hanging her head over the trash can in the CAG's office because she doesn't want to make a scene. Lee had made sure she knew his schedule so she could avoid him and seemed to understand that his work space was the only private one available. She wondered briefly what could have been going on his head after all she had said to him, to make him offer his refuge to her.

He knows, you idiot. He knows and he is determined to fix it. She shakes her head not wanting to deal with it. She knows there is nothing left in her stomach, but can't stand up yet. She wonders about moving a cot into the office, not for fist time. She doesn't have the energy to deal with questions yet.

She has heard he isn't eating. She knows he isn't sleeping. At least not in his bunk. The admiral has been quietly hostile about the whole thing concerning Lee, though he had been surprisingly gentle with her.

Why was she lying about it? They both knew. The commander would treat the child as family regardless, but it was obvious to her he had placed the culprit responsible and she wondered if he would bring Lee up on charges. Lately she suspected he might. She wondered if it was because it was her or if it was because it was Lee and she realized that most likely none of them would be able to answer that.

Kara lays a hand on her not at all swollen belly wondering at the scar, evidently someone frakked up. She thought of the new life within, which still didn't seem real.

( I'm sorry, you…you in there. I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. So you..you are a surprise. I was pretty sure I lost the equipment to make you so I guess you got lucky…well kinda you still have to hang out here for a while and I imagine that wont be all that fun…If I forget to tell you this after…I love you. Don't tell anyone I was being sappy, I just thought you should know. This is gonna be hard, I hope you have your daddy's strength because I'm gonna need your help )

Ok so she was losing her mind. She sighs and moves to clean up her face hoping that she can find some of Lee's paperwork and work on it to thank him for letting her use his office as a vomitorium.

…

* * *

Chapter Eight

"_How can you just sit there Lee?" Zak is bouncing around him wheedling and poking and begging to be clobbered._

"_Because my attention span is longer than a millisecond" He didn't look up from his book. _

"_It's making me crazy, let's go play ball…" _

"_No I want to finish this book."_

"_Just finish the page…"_

"_No I have to finish the whole thing."_

"_Why, it will still be here after we play ball..." He has started whining now._

"_I need to know what happens."_

"_You are a pussy, book-reading dorkus. I could kick your butt at ball" He has changed his tactic and 6 months ago it would have worked. Lee looks over the edge of his book. _

"_In your dreams, punk I would wipe the floor with you, goober, now leave me alone I want to finish this" He goes back to reading. Zak sighs dramatically. Lee grins as he flops down beside him._

"_So what's it about?"_

"_Pirates…."_

"_Pirates is good…"_

"…_.So the captain moved across to the helm asking after the topsails and worrying over the first lieutenant's comment about the weather…."_

* * *

… 

Kara is sleeping when he gets the orders. He goes into the bunk room quietly, making sure everyone is fast asleep and satisfied he approaches her bunk. She is still using the one above his for some reason though he hasn't had a chance to ask why she is climbing to a top one, she can have his, he has been staying on colonial one anyway.

He watches her, not really wanting to wake her. He takes a moment, knowing its one of the few he gets, with her quiet to do this. He memorizes her jaw line, he ignores the remaining bruises and shadows of bruises and tries to imagine a child version of her and the thought makes his eyes move to her belly. It is still flat as ever, she is only a few weeks gone. He is certain of the date even without her divulging it. He smiles sadly that her hand is draped protectively over the slight natural swell. He moves before he thinks and places his cheek next to her hand, not touching her. He whispers to her fingers.

"listen…things are pretty messed up. I probably wont be around when you get here. Not that I am sure it would matter if I am. But I want you to know, even if she forgets to tell you, I know …and I love you more than air. If you get a chance, and she is in a good mood you can tell her that, cause I love her too…tell her I'm sorry about all this I never meant to do this to her…." his voice breaks. "I thought she loved me …and I'm sorry…but not about you…you're special, you are loved, you are nothing like me, and you need to thank the gods for that….I will pray you're a girl, just in case, don't want my luck rubbing off on ya…" He starts to cry softly.

He sucks it up and swallows working his face into indifference he presses his lips against her ear, using a trick they figured out in the academy, he blew softly saying her name and stepped back.

Her swing was brutal. And because he knew what he was doing, she missed. He caught her before she tumbled out of the bunk and pushed her back. Her eyes fluttered slightly and he sighed. He leaned in and did the same thing again this time, her swing was more accurate, because she moved sooner. She clipped his retreating shoulder and it made her eyes snap open. She started to shout and he stepped into her space stopping her hands and pressing his forehead against hers, she shut her mouth. Her eyes got big.

"What's up Lee?" Just like that, like the last 12 or so years hadn't happened. He fought the smile that threatened. She was so honest, half asleep. He watched her become aware and the way her body and eyes changed as her system booted up. He stepped back regretting the new space between them.

He knew she was all the way back when she grated out.

"Apollo."

"Ok, I'm sorry Starbuck, I just wanted to let you know what was going on because I think you will be promoted in the interim. Chances are it will be permanent and I didn't want you to hear from anyone else"

"What the frak is going on?" Her voice was rising and he glanced around. He grimaced and decided it wasn't going to work to tell her here, but he was reluctant to spend any more time than necessary. Still unless he wanted the whole squadron to hear, he had better move her. "Come on, I'll explain, you can walk me part way to the hanger" He saw her start, seeing that he was in his flight suit.

"Lee, what are you doing?" Her voice was angry, but it was something else too and he wasn't sure he liked it, the hint of whatever it was, was making his pulse race and he could feel hope starting in the dark corners of his heart. He looked at her and frowned. He brutally squashed it.

_(I don't love you. Not like that.)_

She looked annoyed and raised her eyebrows at his sudden grimace. He felt the futility and the pain flood through him, he felt it slam up his spine and give him the calm to tell her what he needed to. His fingers were flexing and gripping at his duffle strap.

* * *

… 

"_I love her madly.." He was staring at the ceiling, listening to his mother in the kitchen and tossing the ball up in the air repeatedly._

"_don't throw that in the house.." _

"_yes , mom." His sarcasm falters when he realizes they are in the study. He glances at the mantle and back at Lee who is sitting at the desk staring at one of his damn books. He gets a funny look on his face. "I love …her." he says again and Lee looks up. He smiles at the slip, he understands. They have outgrown the talk but his little brother remembers just as he does what a brother's love is. _

_That's why Lee said nothing when he heard it was Kara that Zak was in love with this week. Even with the red haze of insanity shifting around the edges of his vision he simply can't deny his little brother. Well, he thinks that makes two of us, though I am not sure why. Kara is like the Adama men's Achilles heel. He smiles at that, she would appreciate that, maybe he would tell her when he saw her again. Not that he would admit to the love part. She did get under his skin though, and she knew it._

_There would be other girls, none like her, but he would never have another brother._

"_Have you ever been in love Lee?" The ball flies toward the ceiling again before Zak realizes he threw it. He grabs it on its descent and puts it down on the floor, kicking his feet up on the arm of the couch and spinning to face where his brother is sitting._

"_I don't think so…"_

"_What do you mean you don't think so? You don't know?"_

"_I guess I see love as something that never goes away, no matter what. And no I haven't felt that for anyone but family."_

"_And Kara…"_

"_Not like that…" He hears his brother sigh. He senses the relief and he reminds himself that he means what he says, Zak feels a lot more than he does, at least this week. Kara is his best friend. Its weird but he understands that whatever may have happened between them, now takes a back seat to Zak. He realizes that between the two of them his world is a full and happy place. Zak is everything light and innocent and Kara is his equal, he and Kara have an understanding that they exist to protect and nurture the youngest Adama. They also have an understanding that the dark places, the ones they themselves can't avoid, don't constitute the kind of thing that could ever preclude Zak. Lee knows even if Zak doesn't that Kara also 'Loves him madly'…Lee is really ok with that, even if it means that he dates too many blonds, and finds excuses to not see them again. _

_Destiny, he understands it, he always has. There is a place in him that knows it's not time for the love he will someday have. He knows not everyone has a brother like his. Even in the fleeting moments he hates Zak, yes he has them, he is human, he understands that they have something a lot of people never will and even in his young life he acknowledges it as the special bond it is._

"_I am sorry for you Lee…" _

"_Why?"_

"_Love is amazing…"_

"_I know, you tell me every time I come home.."_

"_I just wish you felt it once so you could know what I am feeling…" He studies the top of his brother's head as Lee licks his finger to turn the page of the text he is working through._

"_I really don't have time for love, goober I am way too busy with War…" He slams his text book closed and grins at his brother. "Not that I am getting any where at the moment," He stands and walks to the edge of the couch. "Since I have some moony eyed sappy brother whining about his beautiful princess while I am trying to finish my reading…"_

"_Beautiful princess?" Her hair catches the sunlight in the entry way and looks silver for a second. It sparks a memory in Lee and he whispers._

"_Queen of swords"_

_Zak doesn't hear him and he bounces up from the couch to gather her into his arms in his standard 'love-you' greeting and Lee swallows wondering where the words came from._

"_Oh my gods Zak, you just walked across the room without your shadow? Whatever shall we do…he is more than 8 feet away " She is giggling and Lee braces as they drag each other giggling and silly towards him knocking him into their embrace and the whole group falling on the couch in a tangle of Adama-Thrace that takes a while to straighten out._

* * *

… 

"You're Doing what!"

"I am resigning my commission and taking over the vice presidents office while we try to get ready for the election, we are moving it up because the presidents health has taken a downward turn, and well, because the VP is no longer with us…"

"Apollo, you are a pilot, not a politician." She felt sick, what the hell, is wrong with him?

"We both know I am marginal at best besides, It's only interim…I am sure I will not be elected considering I am the one who shot the vice president." He looked as sick as she felt. She couldn't believe he would say that about flying, surely he knew how good he was. "But," He brightened, because he would do that for her, "that means you will most likely make captain, and even with your impending family status, you should be able to handle the CAG's office, sans flying of course..."

She was sure he was off his rocker now…no seriously, he has lost his last marble somewhere and she was about to box him in the head to see if it fell out of one of his ears. Had he really said 'impending family status', what the frak?

_(Oh my gods he is going to leave her here.)_

"I know that things are going to get hard for you with the baby and all," As if he heard her thought…" And if there is anything you need me for please don't hesitate to send word to Colonial One. Kara I know when you find out who the father is that you don't owe it to me but…."

She felt the world spinning and couldn't believe this.

"Is this how you treated Gianne? I know it's not your baby and all but damn Adama, could you run faster?" She spit it out, horrid, filthy and seething.

He flinched, his eyes went wide and then narrowed. She was reminded of Baltar right before Lee put the bullet between his eyes and she swallowed, not sure why that just came out of her mouth.

"You made it clear that I wasn't welcome, wanted or needed in any way…are you changing that now?" His voice was the most dangerous she thinks she has ever heard it. She knew how much was riding on her answer. (_if I try to keep you it will kill you_)

"No, not at all, in fact I am unbelievably relieved that you are doing this, it will make it easier to have a real relationship with the father of my child…." She hoped her acting was good enough.

"Like you know who it is." He has accepted her lie.

"Maybe, Lee I do, ...and maybe, oh hallowed godlike one, he is a man, a real one…" She let the implications of that speak for itself but she wanted to grab him grab him and not let him go. She hoped it didn't show on her face.

His face took on a demonic squint. He met her eyes and she has never in her whole life felt more afraid. She met his gaze, letting an insolent smirk appear. _(Oh yeah hurt him, he was hurting her.)_

"You be careful, Thrace, we have been friends, but you push me, you take that away and all bets are off. There isn't much you have left me with in this, I would suggest not questioning my manhood. Not when I seem to remember you praising it at least once, not too long ago." His voice had the clipped, pointed quality she remembered from their argument in the hanger bay so long ago. She realized she had him in a spot to get some of her guilt out.

Her fist impacted his cheek bone resoundingly and she watched him respond body flying into motion, leaving his duffle stranded in the middle of his stride as he stepped into the punch, only to wrench himself backwards viciously before actually hitting her. She felt bitter disappointment.

The momentum of his movement indicated, had he hit her, she probably wouldn't have been getting up soon. His face was a mask of hate and pain.

He raised tentative fingers to his eye. She tried not to look at them. She let her heart beat envelope her head, make her deaf, wishing she could do the same with her eyes. His finger tips brushed the area that was already swelling gently, his expression incredulous.

"What ever you feel….I share it. I am so frakking ready to get away from you…I guess I should thank you for making this easier." His eyes refused to come out of the squint. It was hard to see the blue. She was shocked when he grabbed her arm roughly pinning her to the wall. His nose inches from hers. She knew that there would be a new bruise on her arm and she was sickeningly aroused by the heat of is fingers wrapped around her. (_Gods help her)._

"If that child is mine…and I will find out if it is…I hope you realize that I will fight you for it. And Kara, you have NEVER actually seen me fight…." She pushed him away, but it was half hearted. He placed his hand on her abdomen and held it there for a minute, possessively. "Besides, I bet you won't want it if it's mine anyway…" He shoved away from her and she watched as he picked up his bag and continued to the hanger not waiting to explain anything else to her.

She could still feel his hand on her stomach. She mentally outlined each of his fingers as they were splayed across her. She hoped it would be enough to get by.

* * *

...

Chapter Nine

"_I am suggesting you take what the president offers, Captain. This whole thing with Kara is disappointing, and awkward, and it's against regulations. She has made it plain that she doesn't want you involved in her situation. I really thought you were smarter than that, that you cared for her more than that. I thought that you loved your brother more than that. This whole thing is tearing her apart and in order to be fair, I would have to discipline you both and quite frankly don't want to put Starbuck through that. Taking the position will take this out of my hands."_

_His father thinks it was just a frak. Damn it, is he the only one who thought it could be more?_

"_She says it's not mine …sir." He is aware how lame this sounds, and can't believe he said it._

"_She is trying to protect you…"_

"_Doubtful, since when has she ever?" The bitterness almost drips off the words. "Dad, please, forgive me I thought she loved me…It was stupid and wrong, but I really did." He saw his father wince at the word dad….and his heart broke again._

"_She does, that's why what you did is so wrong. You used her regard for your own needs." Lee nearly bit through his lip on the retort that died in his throat. Sexist and archaic, his father doesn't seem to get it that Lee was the one who had been emotionally manipulated. It figures, and he could never explain it, now that she didn't love him, not without seeming pathetic, without calling Kara a slut. Now that she was the mother of his child, he was far more reluctant to imply that, especially to this man, who would not allow it._

_He pulls himself up, feeling the bruises and wounds protest as he fills his chest with Galactica's recycled air. He adjusts his shoulders to take the weight of his fathers blame. He steels himself. He wants the old man to hold his hand._

"_Will you forgive me …sir?"_

"_There are consequences for the actions we take, I tried to teach you that" He watches as the commander squeezes the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes. "You are dismissed Captain."_

_Lee blinks. Zak's brother, William's son, Kara's best friend, Caroline's boy, blinks. He bites his lip, turns on his heel crisply and heads to CIC to get a secure line to colonial one. _

_(I don't love you. Not like that.)_

_

* * *

_

His hand shakes slightly on the controls of his viper. He can't believe he is leaving Galactica as messed up as he came to her. Ok well more so, just he has learned so much that it seems he grew only to take more on.

He took the mark VII, because it was his, still had his name on the side. Frak them. They could come take it back. He needed this, just this one last time. The chief had watched him and said nothing. Apollo knew he had heard some of what had happened between himself and Starbuck in the hallway. The man had kept his distance and had been completely unreadable. But he had said nothing about his taking the viper instead of having some one shuttle him. Apollo was thankful.

The stars opened up to him and the blue glow from his helmet stripped him of his humanity. He flew pushing the machine to do as he asked. Feeling it shudder and respond like it wanted to please him. It was a welcome change from the constant resistance he had been living with. He felt the touch of eternity as he moved through the fleet at breakneck speed, knowing Dee would be getting calls and hoping she left him alone. His mind closed down, the thoughts of all that had happened drifted and a singular thought filled his head one he hadn't had in years. Familiar and comforting, here in the face of nothing...Kara had lied to him, pushed him away, his father had denied him forgiveness at least for the time being. His mother was gone. His brother, his other half, his innocence, the one who made up all the bright parts of him, was gone, that left something familiar that left who he was after all is said and done that left…

"…Apollo…" Dee's voice was tinny and hesitant. "Galactica to Apollo..."

"Go ahead Galactica"

"Colonial one wants an ETA" She had switched to a closed channel, bless her.

"Tell them I am making one last sweep Dee…20 minutes?"

"You got it sir…" Her voice sounded funny. "It was an honor serving with you sir, Gods speed come back to us soon…" He wanted to feel something for the way she said it. But something in him has forgotten who Lee is, and Lee is the one who liked this woman.

"Thank you Petty Officer Dualla…It was an honor serving with you" He cuts the channel.

* * *

...

"_Dioscuri…you are above and he is below…."_

_Her hair is like moonlight and he thinks she should look older, he knows he does._

"_Nah that can't be right, he is the nice one, the good one, the loved one…he should be above"_

"_You are the fair one…I don't make the rules"_

_Her eyes are sorrowful, and her voice is like the wind. He hates it._

"_How dare you tell me his hair color makes him the one who has to die?"_

"_Death is figurative…or at least it could be…"_

_He sees her consider. He watches her watching him. She knows she has to give him an out. He doesn't let her._

"_What if its not?"_

"_Then you will be the god…"_

* * *

…

He had felt the snap. The tension in his head broke open when Kara mentioned Gianne; it had started stretching dangerously after she told him she didn't love him, not that way…stretched harder when his father offered up the blame, when he took it. The snap had been damn near physical. He felt the red haze descend over his vision and an agonizing cold enter his heart.

The queen had cut him with her swords. She had gone for the soft spot, and hit her mark. In retrospect, he was accepting that it was calculated. But his new numb made it irrelevant.

The only thing that moved him was the thought of the child in her belly. It kept him from hitting her. She deserved to be hit, said his head…but his heart had stopped his body from complying. The snap had made his head stronger but the thought of his baby made his heart fight back. She had taken it all. He had left too much unsaid.

He tried at last, after she pushed him, he placed his hand over the place where his child was and he willed every ounce of his love and humanity to it. (I love you. You will not be like me.) He repeated it to the thought of the child in her body. If he had been a praying man he would have asked for a boon. He knew none would come.

He could barely remember who he was. For the next few weeks the president found he only responded to her favorite name for him though she had to drop the Captain part. He never even considered it.

They never came for the viper. It sat like a faithful steed in the hold of colonial one as Apollo poured over paperwork and spoke in cold, even tones with absolute conviction and near fanatical precision. He would go down to the hold once a day and visit it. If anyone had been around they would have heard him humming to it and would have seen a glint of sorrow as he checked it over. He thought of it as a female though he couldn't have explained why that was. He wondered if it missed the other birds.

The quorum all began to respond to his absolute perfectionism and the calculated smiles. They watched him move among them listening and answering with an intensity that made the former Vice president look like some sort of cartoon, not that it was hard.

They watched him justify his actions in the military and lords help them, no one could find fault with any of his actions. He was divine in his dedication and respected across the board. He suffered with no outward indecisiveness. Even Zarek had begun to realize that his charisma was overcoming his blood ties.

The days of the hot headed pilot with the hair trigger were gone. His allegiances had shifted and the fleets good was his only focus. In the back of his head it had to do with babies being born, and making sure they were safe. On the surface it appealed to all of the politicians who wanted to protect their own skins.

He seemed as if he had somehow gotten bigger, maybe taller somehow. His force of will was undeniable and he made them feel safe, watched over. He didn't answer to anything but Apollo.

* * *

… 

Her body is changing. Her hand splayed across her belly she fidgets trying not to remember the huge painful needle the doctor had stuck into her navel. It was hard letting Cottle run his stupid tests, because she knows the answer. How was she going to tell the old man? She knew he wouldn't be surprised but she was stuck on how to explain why she pushed Lee away. Hell she wasn't sure why or how she did it. But she knew she had hurt him. Hurt him bad.

He had given so much, accepted so much and gotten next to nothing. She had turned on him at first to save him and then out of panic and took from him what he had never questioned. Her love.

She feared the depth of it, if she were honest with herself. She had been so sure about Zak. But then the wounds, they had implied that perhaps her one true love had yet to die. She would rather let this go. She could live knowing he was ok because she had pushed away. She hadn't fallen that far…yet.

How it had gotten so twisted she would never be able to understand. Why she had to push him when all she had to do was let him be, he would have never left her if she had just been honest. But he wouldn't have left it alone either, he would have wanted to 'fix' it to 'make it right' and that would have meant marriage and all that. The old man's reaction had told her it wouldn't have been well received. He did not approve. Ironically it seemed to be his flesh and blood that he was not approving of.

"Young woman, do I need to tell you the results?" he took a drag on his cigarette and blew it away from her.

"Well, that depends what do they say?" Her flip response was met with a gaze that made her feel 5 years old.

"Well there are a couple things I know that you don't. But if you are going to be a pain in the ass, I'll just keep them to myself." He flipped his charts and made to walk off.

"Wait, major?"

"First, do you want to know sexes?" He looked at her blandly.

"Well, um yes I guess I didn't know we could find that out already." Something was off, not clicking. "Wait did you say …"

"Yup, I got two heart beats, two distinct markers."

"Oh my gods…" She felt her eyes fill and she choked it back trying not to let them fall. "Boys, or girls…?"

"Both, one of each." He walked away from where she sat staring at the wall. There were tears but they weren't falling. Her hand pressed a little on the moderately pronounced swell. It showed most when she was forced to sit at this angle.

"Apollo never does anything half-assed…" She heard him snort in response to that. "How long can I expect you not to tell him?" She met his gaze.

"You would have to give me a good reason Captain. Lee Adama is someone I will call friend now that I can't call him Captain. And he has a right, as the father to know."

This response surprised her a little. Most of the Galactica's crew had a jilted lover attitude toward Apollo lately, though it wasn't supposed to be common knowledge as to why he left. She was fairly certain most people had tied it to her. Though she hadn't officially listed her pregnancy as her reason for non-flight status, she was not so dense as to not realize they all knew.

"I just need some time, it's just that…"

"Two days, Captain Thrace. Two days I will hold these in my hands, then they go to the commander and it's likely the fleet will know shortly after."

"This is really happening?" She felt weird.

"Yes, young lady, and I hope you don't need me to explain how. Though, I am wondering if the commander has forgotten that it takes two to tango. Maybe he needs a refresher" He grumbled the last part to himself more than her. "not like it was immaculate, not like the gods did it."

She looked at him, realizing just how much this man saw. He obviously knew that Lee hadn't run away at the first sign of trouble like everyone else seemed to think.

* * *

Chapter Ten

"_Polydeuces spends half his days below, with his brother, Zeus allows it as concession for his loss. "_

_Kara fidgets, wishing things like literature could be skipped completely. This story is sad and making her uncomfortable. Life was too hard to have to read about other tragedies. She grimaced because it had religious overtones. She felt obliged to listen. The instructor had spoken of Gods, she felt inclined to listen, but she was struggling, sleep was drifting over her and she wondered why she was sitting in class in her tanks with a swollen belly and Lee's dog tags threaded through her fingers._

"_damn it's a dream, wow now I'm dreaming of boring lectures…" She sighs, thinking it was better than the hot, steamy dreams of Apollo that left her panting and waking in the most embarrassing positions. And much better than the ones of them playing piano…those make her want to curl up and stop breathing. _

"_Starbuck? You have something to add?" She recognizes him suddenly and swallows. _

"_No Captain Taylor…it's just, why am I here?"_

"_You should be listening…" His face is placid but his voice is almost sorrowful. His hazel eyes flicker slightly but not with emotion. "This is so you can understand."_

"_Understand what?" He resumes as if he never stopped._

"_Castor is killed in battle, he is the mortal twin. Polydeuces would have willingly died in his place, but because he is divine it is not allowed. "_

"_I DON'T CARE CAPTAIN…why am I here!"_

_He ignores her and continues on his lecture and she moves out of the desk and goes to the doorway not sure where she is but all classrooms share certain features and she was pretty sure she knew how to use a door._

* * *

… 

"No you will leave it where it is."

"But Captain we need it, we lost two more ships today." She grimaces and Cally backs off, momentarily. She sighs and unconsciously drapes her hand over her slightly protruding belly, splaying her fingers. Cally notes it but makes sure her eyes don't rest there.

"Cally, we need to call it a loss. I will not take his bird from him. We need to treat it like a casualty." Cally sees her hands shake and nods curtly turning to leave she stops looking over her shoulder and Starbuck meets her eyes. "Take it off all of the lists specialist, like it doesn't exist. Including the reports for the XO. Say it blew up if you have to."

(I want him to remember who he is…I will not take the lion's claws from him…)

The thought makes her shake her head and she walks off wondering if the vitamins that Cottle gave her have Chamala in them.

* * *

… 

They have changed towards her since he left. The pilots are protective and she notices more pack behavior now. They tend to huddle around her when superior officers, especially Tigh, are on deck. There are more scuffles and dominance displays. They bring her food when she forgets to leave her office by the right time. They snap to attention when they know she couldn't care less.

The deck crew is different too but it's a wary hesitant feel. The chief in particular, keeps his distance and lets Cally do most of the talking. Starbuck has noticed but has yet to say anything. She found the reports to her stating that the Mark VII, Apollo's, was commandeered by the president herself, for colonial one's security, they are dated the day he left and Lee didn't sign them. She wondered who approached the president with that idea. She wondered that the chief had signed off on it. She wondered that the old man hadn't thrown a fit.

"So 'Buck, do you love him?" She considers him out of the corner of her eye. She can't believe he is finally asking. It took 5 months since the infamous three day leave for Helo to ultimately work up the courage to address it. She knew his casual manner was a crock.

"Who are you talking about?" She decides she can be casual too.

He rolls his eyes and points at her ridiculous gut. He goes back to rubbing her feet, the sucker moves from the right side of his mouth to the left as he waits for her to respond. This one is cinnamon, a pleasant change from the fruity ones.

"Helo, I can't afford to love him. Men like him cost too much." She wonders if that makes any sense and realizes she doesn't care. Evidently neither does Helo, he just nods.

"He didn't walk out on you though…" Ok there was the real question, the one for the grand prize. She knew the ship wide speculation. She looked at Helo steadily.

"What do you think, Karl?"

"I think he was pushed out…but most people think he bolted." His hazel eyes are calm and honestly secure in his words.

"You may be right, and most people are frakking idiots." He smiles and she knows the record will be set straight. She knows he won't let the falsehood remain, because Helo is letter switch short of Hero, and truth is important.

"I didn't think you wanted kids." Gods he was gunning for her today. She considers kicking his ass out but his fingers are working miracles on her sore aching feet.

"I didn't, in fact I still don't not really…" She is surprised at the odd stab of guilt.

"Then why? You could have….ya know"

"I have killed enough Adama's in my lifetime…" Her whisper surprises her. She realizes that it is only partly true, if she were really honest it had to do with them being Lee's but she wasn't gonna think about that. Helo looked at her speculatively, and squeezed her foot a little harder in acknowledgement of her admission.

"Are you scared?" She wonders if he really wants to know that. Does he want Kara's answer or Starbucks? Most people who asked things like that wanted either to see some 'softer' side of Starbuck or the bravado that would make them feel safe. She hesitates long enough that he tilts his head, his thumbs slowing in the circles they are tracing on the bottom of her left foot. "Kara?"

"I am terrified…" Because it was Helo who asked, and because he had asked Kara.

"Maybe because you have decided to do this alone?" His voice is soft and he is looking intently at her toes. She knows immediately what he is up to.

"Who are you frakking cupid all the sudden?" She feels her anger making her sore back twitch. She glares at him. He grips her foot and pulls to make sure she is hearing him through her anger.

"You can't fool me Kara, you want him here, why do you have to be such a bitch?"

"Because it's who I am!" Frakking Helo, Has been around her too long, she really needed to put his ass out the nearest airlock.

Stupid hormones, she feels her eyes getting misty. She slaps him across his silly face and watches the sucker as it flies end over end and shatters dramatically on the floor. She is surprised by the mess it makes. She looks back at Helo who has dropped her foot and watching as well. He looks pathetic and a whispered "damn" leaves his pouty mouth as he meets her eyes. She smiles apologetically and he picks her foot up laughing and starts back in on it, stating he is NOT cleaning that up.

She was laying in her bunk, Apollo's old one, the first time she feels them move. It was just a flutter, like a hiccup. But she had been starting to drift off and it woke her. She had an incongruent urge to squeal and her first thought was of Lee and that he needed to know…She nearly sobbed when she realized she wouldn't call him. She put both of her hands on her belly and closed her eyes thinking of his hands under hers and the way his face would look if they were a real family. She knew how the edges of his blue eyes would crinkle, how his eyebrows would shoot up and the grin that said he couldn't quite believe it, would have taken place on his mouth. She could feel the warmth of the sun in his happiness and her soul felt cold and dark at the fact she had pushed it away. She started down the road of self hate but stopped a bizarre thought entering her head. The babies would pick up on it…she couldn't let her pain hurt them.

She submerged herself in the happy thoughts, looking to reflect the sun for her children. She fell asleep thinking of him playing piano for her and the babies even though he kept missing notes and looking at her apologetically.

* * *

… 

_The moon has three faces, she speaks of indecision, or worry and of waiting._

_He nods. He knew that. He couldn't tell her why he knew, he just knew. The other things she said he didn't but the moon he knew. Intimately. _

"_She is the mother of all…and to her we return when we die."_

_He feels tears, he knows this too…_

"_Is there no way to stop this? To change its course?"_

"_All of this has happened before…"_

_He sighs. She reaches and touches him gently…he knows that she isn't supposed to. Her silver eyes cover him in a cool sensation of calm. His teenage body was still small and frail. Her words scared him and angered him but he could tell she didn't make the rules._

"_You are so many things, your pain is beautiful. Everything you do will hone the edge of the blade you will be. There is a blood memory, but there is something that goes beyond that. You will not understand it but in the final moments it will give you peace."_

"_I don't deserve peace, I live while he dies. How can I move forward knowing that?"_

_She grips his hand suddenly not gentle. He looks back up at her face. _

"_You will go on, there is nothing for it." He sees terrible destiny in her eyes and he wants to back away. She slaps him. He feels a red haze drop over his vision as the pain causes his cheek to flare with heat. Her moonlight hair suddenly has sparks of gold in it. She leans forward across the table, her eyes sparkling like the stars. His anger, surprise and pain make him stand his ground and she smiles…_

"_There, that is what you need then. If it is anger and pain that will keep your forward motion then you may expect them." _

_The sorrow is gone from her and she stands for the first time since they met all those years ago. She is tall and lithe. As the light reveals her he looks down instinctively._

"_No, avatar, you need not look away. For this I need your eyes…"_

_He looks again and her face is bright like the brightest star, but too close and painful. He feels his mind expanding to fit her in and as it does he loses himself. The memories fade and he is left with only one thought. Look to the stars._

_He doesn't go to church anymore after the last trip to the fortune teller and he never tells Zak he went. He can't remember what she said anyway. He stops playing piano, and begins his flight school campaign. _

_His grades go from slightly above average to perfect. The faraway look in his eyes diminishes and is replaced with determination. He loves his brother with a vengeance and rarely thinks of his life as his own. _

_He is 15 when he realizes there are nights when he can't sleep because the call of the stars is too strong._

_

* * *

_

Chapter Eleven

_She is fifteen when she realizes that she will be able to get away from Karen Thrace. Her acceptance letter to the academy came the same day she broke James Northup's nose. She had been expelled and had gotten home early enough to get the mail before her mother had a chance to get the post. She had missed junior academy admissions three years earlier because Karen had hid her application packet. _

_Her mother was losing her touch. Kara was smarter and faster and stronger. Karen was still slightly bigger. In Kara's head she was the worst, unbeatable. Until today. The acceptance letter told her she had a spot and that because of the mother that had made her life hell for the last 10 years, she would be accepted on a scholarship that meant she was getting a free ride…it would involve work study but it would pay for everything until her sports scholarship could kick in. She flexed her right arm, she was going to play, and it was getting her the frak outa here._

"_What the hell are you smiling about? I just got the call from school."_

_She sees her mother look at the mail in her hands. She feels a rush of fear, then she remembers that its too late, all she has to do now is show up at the given place, and given time._

"_Her mother rips the mail, and the letter out of her hand. She rifles through it all while Kara stands not really knowing what to do, but knowing it's too late, the smile wont leave. _

"_What the frak? Oh my god baby girl! " Karen Thrace's face changes to a sickening parody of happiness. Kara steels herself thinking this is the worst of the things Karen could do to her. "OH I am sooo proud of my little girl! The academy! I knew you could do it." The look on Karen's face is the scariest in her repertoire, it's the sickening false joy that makes Kara fear for her soul. The woman was unpredictable, this had two possible outcomes._

"_Say something baby girl… aren't you glad I told you about the academy." She waited expectantly the nauseating grin sliding sideways smug and baiting._

_She hadn't helped, ever, only hindered. She was daring Kara to say it. She was putting Kara in the positing to acknowledge her power or deny it. She knew full well her daughter was torn between being honest and defiant and wanting the pain to be avoided._

_Kara is a fighter and the pain of her mother's fists was better than the pain of laying down her pride for a quiet, bloodless evening so Kara does what she does best._

"_You can kiss my ass….you know damn well I did this all on my own." She sees the flicker of disappointment and then the triumph that there was battering to be done as Karen moves toward her._

"_You little whore…."_

_Kara takes it and considers fighting back and realizes it doesn't matter, not anymore. _

_Later she lays in bed bleeding and throbbing with pain her mother having spent herself and not getting a peep out of her. She stares out the window up at the stars and doesn't sleep a wink._

* * *

… 

"Permission to come aboard, Sir." She smiles at the frail, diminished woman before her.

"Oh, Captain, you don't know how happy I am to see you." The honest smile, the gleeful crinkles at the corners of her gray-blue eyes and little bend of the knees made the woman look like a little girl not the president of the colonies. Starbuck tries not to laugh. Her obvious bad health would have killed the laugh anyway.

Laura Roslin looks like she is already dead. Only the light in her eyes keeps Kara from crying.

She is caught in the frail woman's hug and fights the stiffening of her spine. She relaxes remembering that this woman has hugged her before. She had been worried that the issues with Lee would have made this awkward but the president evidently either didn't know or was staying out of it.

She pulls back and looks at Starbuck's face and looks down at the gentle swell of her abdomen. She looks back up and raises her eyebrows. It's obviously the latter.

"I know this is weird but, may I?" Kara was shocked and didn't know what to say she simply nodded.

Laura rested her hand gently on Starbucks slight bulge and met her eyes. "Humanity needs this." Starbuck felt her skin crawl. Laura shakes her head and steps back.

"I'm sorry I imagine people are about as weird as they can be towards you lately. It's just such a symbol of hope that our leaders, our strength are moving forward. Apollo will make a fantastic father." So she knew.

"We aren't together Madam President.."

"I know. I think that's irrelevant, and you need not explain, it's none of my business." Kara remembers why she loves this woman.

"Who told you it was his?"

"Isn't it?" The president's face is kind and the question is rhetorical.

The older woman looked at her again and took her hand and placed it in the crook of her elbow. She gently squeezed Kara's hand and led her up from the hold.

Apollo's Viper sat like a noble horse waiting for its rider. Kara ran her fingers over it lovingly as she passed it hoping the president didn't notice. She missed the ship with its owners name so proudly displayed on its side, in the hanger when she was doing her rounds. They all had personalities and Lee's Viper was the sexy one, the one the other vipers wanted to be. Kara thought if she were a viper this would be the one she would be. She smiled as her fingers left its cool surface telling herself she would stop by on the way out and say good bye before she left.

Her stomach was in knots and her heart was hammering twice as fast as it should by the time they reached the main part of the ship. Maybe telling him in person had been a bad idea.

Starbuck was gifted with making bad calls. She was quite simply used to her luck bailing her out. She wondered at that, her luck had been a lot less straight forward lately. She supposed she was lucky that she had made captain and that her pilots doted on, and obeyed her as if she really was the 'god' that she had told the nuggets she was. Her commanding officer treated her like a worthy, capable leader and it was self fulfilling.

The most ambiguous turn of luck of course, was the matter at hand. She was supposed to be barren and now she was given the chance to be a mother, dubious of course , inconvenient as hell, scary and completely crazy, but still it meant her body was intact and the cylon's hadn't taken everything. She supposed her luck was holding, in most cases, even though its timing and the manner in which it had panned out sucked.

She nearly didn't recognize Lee. The president had led her into the main hold of Colonial one and had given her the finger over her lips sign, so they wouldn't interrupt the end of the meeting that was taking place. It seemed Apollo had been very busy in the weeks since she last saw him.

First he wasn't in uniform. That was expected but Kara tried to remember the last time she had seen him without military issue clothes on and realized he would have had to trade for clothes because he hadn't come to Galatica with any. The cut of the suit made him look bigger, not that fatigues were sliming but, this suit was light and it added breadth to his frame. The camel color was flattering, it made his spacers tan less obvious and made his hair seem lighter. It reflected up into his eyes giving them points of light where only darkness had been reflected before. His hair was longer than she had ever seen it and it was starting to curl right where it hit his collar. She had a weird desire to drag her fingers through it to see if it was real. He looked good. It scared her.

"The repairs que is moving steadily and the agricultural concerns are being met, so delegates are there any other concerns to add to the docket before our next meeting?" His voice rang under the low ceiling with authority and strength, his enunciation making him seem like a completely different person than the one who had threatened to take her baby away. She fought the shiver of need that tickled up her spine.

His black eye was long gone as were all of her bruises, they were about to face each other without the armor they usually wore.

The delegates all moved at the same time, when Apollo nodded. It was weird to watch, it was like church. They came up in pairs and groups to shake his hand and depart. He stood in his glory, smiling and taking comments and having Billy make notes if anyone had personal concerns for him to see to. It took a good 15 minutes for the room to finally clear out. Starbuck was glad for it. She got to watch him, without him seeing her and that was the most comfortable for her. She stood in the back, hand unconsciously rubbing her stomach as she watched him. His smile was beautiful, but it didn't reach his eyes, though no one seemed to notice that.

"He is doing most of my work now, you know." Starbuck had forgotten that Laura was still next to her. She looked at the woman questioningly. "I pray that he gets elected, Captain, there is no one I trust more."

Kara thinks that's the stupidest idea she has heard in a long time. The viper in the hold is where he should be, not here with no bruises, in a pretty suit, kissing ass. She doesn't say it.

"It would certainly make having a family easier, don't you think?" Now the intent comes clear and Starbuck moves to respond, with her characteristic ire but the president has moved away quickly as if she knew what the response would be. Kara tries not to laugh when she realizes that Laura did know, and had dropped the comment and ran as any sane woman would have. The president may be dying but she didn't have a death wish.

He has wandered her way but still hasn't seen her, or so she thinks when she sees Laura guide Billy out the front way now that Lee is ushering the last stragglers out the back. She is surprised when he speaks without looking at her.

"To what do I owe the honor of this visit?" His voice is strong and deliberate.

"I came to tell you…well I need to talk to you about…" She hates herself for faltering and really wants to hit him so he would have at least one bruise she could see. It would make her feel better, give her something to focus on.

He turns to her moving languidly, like he had all the time in the world. This was new and disconcerting. Lee had always been Mr. quickstep, Captain Tightass, quit-frakkin-around–and-get-it-done-Adama.

He looks her up and down and his eyes rest on her hands. The blue of his eyes is steady and his pupils are small making them seem lighter. She swallows and looks at his lips.

"They are yours.."

His eyes move up from her fingers to her face and his brow line cracks in the middle.

"What?"

"I am having twins, and they are yours." She jutted her chin out defiantly as if he would dispute it.

She feels her heart flutter as a strange, smug look crosses his face. But he doesn't say a word that would get her defensive. He moves closer, just a little closer. He takes her hands gently and sighs. She wishes he had said I told you so…then she could have hit him. Instead his warm fingers and the space between them is killing her.

"We aren't going to have to fight about this are we?" His voice is still emotionless but it is softer. "You know I want to do this right?"

"Even if I don't …"She can't bring herself to say it again.

"Even if you don't, feel that way." he nods, to himself she realizes. "Starbuck, you are my best friend, and the strongest person I know. I would be honored if you would give me the chance to help with my child..ren. I honestly don't want to think about anyone else doing it. In fact, I think you should consider letting me have it..them? When you return to flight status, I think I have a better set up for it."

He has obviously thought this out completely. It was also apparent that he was planning on staying here. She hates that she didn't see it coming. Her mind skips to the viper in the hold like it's a jilted lover. She wants to argue but mostly it makes her mad that he is that sure. She is about to say something really nasty just to make up for his assumptions when he melts her heart.

"Seriously twins? "The look she had envisioned, the one she thought he would have when she felt them move…right here in front of her. "Oh Kara, wow, you are amazing…leave it to you to go above and beyond the call of duty." His smile turned into a chuckle and she pointed out that she felt it was his fault.

"Actually it depends on if they are identical or fraternal as to who is to blame."

"Leave it to you…" She smirks. He smiles back and for a moment it feels normal. And then she feels the flutter, the hiccup. It makes her smile falter and then expand and she puts his hand under her uniform to feel the ever so slight movement. His warm fingers tense and relax. She feels him press gently as the flicker of activity continues and she tries not to shiver. She raises her eyes to his face praying to see the old Lee and not the new and improved, emotionless imposter. His expression doesn't disappoint, and before she can push him back he has leaned in and kissed her. His lips are feather light and hesitant. She wants to submerge herself in them but then her brain reactivates.

Frak. No happy family here Thrace, you will get him killed. Maybe the president's schemes about his future were for the best.

Now she does push him before he can lean his forehead on hers before the tears start to well.

"Ok then, well I just wanted you to know." She retreats and he looks stunned. Then she sees the snap of the mask of indifference as it falls into place and she feels her heart break a little.

"Lee…" He has nodded, pursed his lips and started to turn around and oh gods it's killing her. "Lee…" She is painfully aware he hasn't responded. "Apollo…" She bites her lip as he turns immediately as if he hadn't heard her before. His eyebrows raise in question and his features are schooled into a calm, emotionless visage. He looks every bit a god.

"Yes, Captain?" The voice of the fleet. She tries not to feel odd that he responded to his call sign and not his name.

"I will send reports if you want, I wanted you to know it's a boy and a girl. You should probably know that…" She was at a loss but he seemed only politely interested suddenly and she hated him.

"Thank you Captain, I will look forward to the updates and I will put out a request for provisions for you, call me if there is anything I can do for you and my children." He dismisses her like a professor getting ready for another group of students. She hates him, and herself a little more as she goes to the front of the room to say goodbye to Laura.

"Oh captain…" She turns as she holds the curtain, and sees a hint of mischief in his eyes. "A girl and a boy mean they are fraternal…that makes it your fault." He picks up his stuff and goes out the back way. She smiles to herself, scared to death of the feelings that small comment caused.

* * *

… 

Helo is waiting for her when she returns. She knows he wants to know what happened. She wishes bitterly that drinking heavily wouldn't be fetal endangerment. Still she is finding it hard to feel bad. It was the first time in months she had walked away from Lee and not had to find a place to cry herself dry. He had turned her into a total girl, that frakhead.

Should it bother her that she liked it that he called them 'his' children? It wasn't like he could use a cooperative with the position she put him in. But it was strangely Alpha male of him to claim ownership and it made Kara feel a little giddy. Starbuck however kinda wanted to smack him when he said it.

"Well?" The sucker slipped across his lips as he drug it away to speak. It was strawberry, and the smell made her want to throw up. Where does he keep finding those damn things, she's been outa cigars forever it seems.

"Well what?"

"How did it go? Was he a bastard?"

"No, he was, well, he was everything he always is." She watched Helo nod.

"So he was a bastard…" He grinned to take the sting out of it. She felt herself laughing.

"He was Apollo, ya. But really it went well. He is really doing good over there. He seems happy. I never thought I would say it but he even looks well, decent without out these damn blues." She motioned to her uniform.

"That's good considering you are wearing his old ones now, fatty." He tickled her sides and then looked around guiltily grinning.

"What is it about being pregnant that makes people frakking touch you all the time?" She whines as she tries not to pee her pants at his tickles. She sees his face and stops, her eyebrows coming together in concern. "I'm sorry Karl."

"I know Kara." He smiled sadly.

She hoped she wasn't in for one of his maudlin displays. She knew he was pining for Sharon and that they couldn't even touch except for the visits to sick bay. She decides she has had enough angst for the moment and instead grabs his sucker, plunks the stinky strawberry thing in her mouth trying not to turn green and runs toward the duty locker giggling with him scrambling and playfully whining for his sucker behind her.

* * *

Chapter 12

"…_Remember me...please" His voice drips like honey. Her eyes are full and she feels as if her soul is being dragged from her slowly and yet faster than she can bear. She sees his golden hair falling in his eyes. Eyes that match hers in shape and beauty. But his are golden and hers are silver. His are bright and hers are reflective. Certain mornings, during parts of the cycle they get to touch, just for a few moments. She feels his long fingers drifting over her face. She feels his kiss like a breeze on her cheek._

"… _if I ever forget you …I will cease to exist…" He smiles, because he knows. _

"_I love you…"_

"_How can you not?"_

"_..Uh, the arrogance, if I didn't know better I would think you fancy yourself my equal..." He grinned, mischievously and of course she did. There were no others in all creation made more equal, born from the same womb. His warm fingers lighting on her cool skin. She sucks in a breath, his heat hurts a little. All things forbidden and yet undeniable, prevented and yet tragically planned. They pay the price of jealousy._

"_No one else, swear it to me…"_

"_No one." He hears the truth. She is pure and unfulfilled, because he has asked her to be. He would have her but they are never allowed the time. They ache and touch and fade. Only to be born to it again, to start it all over. He never forgets he loves her. She never forgets the sting of his brief touch._

* * *

… 

"Oh my gods….Apollo!" Her shocked, frantic whisper rings through Galactica. The Base star that jumped on top of them had made quick work of the furthest port side stragglers. Two ships lost and they had had to jump, Colonial One hadn't followed. Dee's voice was quiet but it echoed through the corridors giving voice to the singular thought of the grand Lady's prodigal son. Left behind. She had left the com open, it was an accident, and it caused an undercurrent of panic.

"Close the com Dee!" Gaeta was insistent and not a little worried.

She moved like she was moving through water, she flicked the switch and was immediately face to face with Starbuck, her pale skin and hair a stark contrast against the navy blue uniform, her headset dangling precariously from her ear. Her hands were on Dee and her voice was pitched low and frantic.

"You saw them, when we jumped…they were still intact?" Her eyes had sparks shooting from their darkness.

Dee met her gaze, feeling the press of Starbuck's belly against her. She nodded and tried to put her mind back into the current moment.

"He was defending the ship, he was in his viper…and he was still on DRADIS when we jumped." That seemed to be all Starbuck needed, she released Dee nearly dropping her on her ass and bolted from CIC, pressing her hand to the earpiece and harshly whispering orders as she ran…Dee knew where she was going and scrambled her channel as an after thought, knowing what was about to happen would get both of them in a lot of trouble. But Dee never questioned her actions. Apollo wouldn't have, he would have done what was needed even if it was wrong."

She would clear the raptor. She would do what it took. She sent the coordinates over the com to Helo, she didn't hesitate, the Admiral was looking at her as the raptor blinked out, only just making it back to CIC and his eyes said he knew…and that he was not happy, or maybe he was but he wasn't supposed to be.

"Dee..?"

"I stand relieved sir…" She took the earpiece out carefully and laid it down on the console then offered her wrists and he grimaced and dragged her out of CIC by her jacket collar scaring her worse than if he had hit her. His face was impossible to read.

"My son?"

"They went back for him sir…" He sagged and pulled her into a hug that made her think of her own father, and the tears started falling.

"We could lose them too…he wouldn't have wanted that." She wasn't completely sure he was talking about Starbuck and Helo.

"No but _She_ wouldn't have let it be any other way"

"I know..."

* * *

… 

The base star was eating Colonial One. It was a strangely erotic sight that they had jumped in on and Starbuck felt her stomach surge with revulsion. Helo echoed her disgust with a strangled grunt. He announced the flitting movement of Apollo's viper before the sound faded.

"He is on a collision course." Helo's voice was just loud enough to hear.

"Raptor 798 to Apollo, pull up, we have a lock on you and will take you out before you impact." She knew it would get his attention even in the heat of battle, because it would negate his effort.

"What the frak? GO BACK! Kara GODS DAMNIT!" His metallic voice scathes her ears.

"We have lock, Apollo don't you get dead on me or I'll kill you myself."

"They were boarded, "

"Then they are dead…Lee?"

He doesn't pull up. But he doesn't crash either, he some how shoots the gap and disappears into the Base star.

"I have to be sure…I can't let them die and not try. Tell them I love them…"

Suddenly Starbuck realizes something that she had been only vaguely aware of…There were no raiders. The Base star was sitting there with Colonial One hanging out of it like it was a cigar off its lips. And there was no movement. None.

"Apollo, do you read…"

Static answered, she could hear an affirmative.

"How many bogies were there when we were attacked….?"

"One v raid…." The interference ate most of his words.

"the …gers….re completely full. They have not be….tched. I am flying throu….."

"I love you…." She whispers wishing it would have been said sooner, that it could have prevented this stupidity. Ironically she can only say it now because he can't hear her. Because the chances he will come out again are minimal.

There is a squelch of static and Helo looks at her.

"We need to move out of firing solution range Starbuck."

"There is no activity…"

"I agree we seem to be safe but we need to make sure that thing doesn't wake up and squash us like a bug. Kara we need to give him a chance to get back to us, if we stay here we could die before we could save him." She blinks and looks at Helo.

"How much air do we have?" He sees what she is thinking and sighs.

* * *

… 

"I love you…" Perfectly clear, perfectly shocking, perfectly Kara.

He freezes and careens into the weird organic decking among the throngs of sleeping raiders. The landing is jarring but his ship takes no damage. He sits still a moment head spinning knowing his is quite a distance from the front of Colonial One. The com static between him and CO is spiked with activity and he can hear weapons fire. He realizes that the only reason they would have been boarded was if they were looking for something…or someone.

If he could get to the controls he could try to get coordinates to Helo and Starbuck, he knew they would still be out there, and jump away. They could take out the boarding party and lives would be spared. The coordinates for the jump they didn't get to make should still be in the drive. They would have to rendezvous but he was really ok with an extra step at this point.

She had said she loved him. _(Not that way)_ He had heard it and in momentary flicker, he thought she meant it the way he wanted her to. He held onto that moment jealously as he climbed free of his ship pulling his side arm and trying not to cry out with revulsion as he bounced and sank slightly into the organic flooring.

He moved as carefully and swiftly as the weird sticky footing allowed, to the ship accessing it through a hatch in the forward cabin removing his helmet, and crawling through an electrical access panel he emerged from the floor to find the crew making a fairly decent stand against two toasters of the chrome variety. Their backs were too him so he noted their positions and that they were apparently looking for something not just killing all the passengers. They were led by a short blond model he hadn't seen before. He had the drop on them. He would use that to his advantage and hope that the other passengers would be able to help with the squishy toaster if he could get the two metal-heads. He thanked the gods for the single clip of explosive rounds and hoped he would be able to make them count.

"Head shot, reload" he whispered to himself and grinned. He was going to go down fighting.

The first toaster fell unceremoniously and alerted the second. Apollo wondered that this was the whole boarding party as the meat toaster and the remaining chrome model turned on him realizing the bigger threat lay behind them.

When he saw the flesh model he realized why.

The silver toaster moved to crush him as he faltered and it grabbed him around his throat. He stood frozen. The blond smiled at him and spoke and all of his worst nightmares came true.

"Don't bruise him now…he is what we came for." Her generous and familiar lips curled up into a devastating smile that was a special kind of hell for him. She winked at him and turned to the cowering crew of Colonial One. "You best think about not following us, since I will kill you if you do." She smiled at them sweetly and walked back the way Captain Apollo had entered stepping over the fallen toaster without a second glance.

Apollo was being carried by his throat not unlike a puppet. He bounced and sagged as the toaster walked fighting to breathe and to see as its grip threatened his blood flow and air supply at the same time. He couldn't take his eyes off the blond leading them. The sway of her hips, the stock straight posture, the toss of her head. There was something he couldn't put his finger on at the moment that made all those familiar things just wrong though it wasn't the most obvious form of wrong. He knew who it was, he just couldn't figure out why no one on Colonial One had. They hadn't looked at her and despaired because they didn't recognize her and Apollo's oxygen starved brain was having trouble with the whys.

He felt tears and he wanted to die, he realized fighting to breathe wasn't something he was doing voluntarily as he was dangled behind her like a yo-yo in the grips of the giant silver robot. They were moving through dark parts of the ship and he realizes, barely as they pass his viper he at least knows the direction they were headed. Though he wasn't sure why it mattered now. His heart broke as he passed from consciousness and he willed himself before the black of suffocation took him, that he not wake up.

Of course it was never that easy. Not for him. Ever.

His eyes flickered open only minutes after they had closed. He was lying on the floor with that face above him. The room was lighter than the hallways and he could see only one way out. It had two, probably including the one who had carried him, Chromies at the doorway but no door. The floor he was laying on was strangely warm and it was slightly yielding. Strangely he could tell something was missing and when he blinked she explained, seeming to know that her voice alone was an instrument of pain.

"The ship is dead…the electromagnetic pulse killed her. We are running off her back up power reserves. But considering all we wanted was you, and we got you it was probably an acceptable loss."

"How did you not get toasted, then?" He taunted, horse and raspy grinning the grin of a corpse. She smirked at him and he winced, it was soo familiar.

"We have better shielding than our counter parts…and these bodies provide a built in ground. The mechanicals you see moving were too far away from the burst you so deviously emitted." She said it matter-of-factly like it meant little. He suddenly worried that this wouldn't be over fast enough. Torture was one thing but her face with that cold control…

He felt a vicious surge of happiness that the EPG's on Colonial One had such a nice effect. The modifications he had commissioned had been put to good use. It had fried all of the systems anywhere near the ship. They had powered down the ship for the burst and his Viper had been a last ditch effort, he had taken her as far away as he could for the burst. He realized suddenly that the coordinates for the jump were most likely lost and hoped that the crew had the sense to try to leave anyway. If they rebooted and could get out…

Then the other Starbuck…He felt himself gag.

There were more meat toasters in the room but his eyes only tracked the one. He was hoping against hope that there was a different explanation for this one. He watched, wary but knowing there wasn't any way he would leave unless he found out what he desperately needed to know before he even tried. If this was the only one, and so far he had only seen the one, then there was a chance…

She grinned at him again and he realized what the difference was, why the crew hadn't recognized her, she is younger, much younger than the woman he knows. It is the fact that he knew her then, that he recognizes her now. He is looking at a 15 year old Kara not the 28 year old Starbuck. He thinks this must be significant, all the other models are identical. He wonders if he has the capacity to understand the difference when she starts touching him. He realizes as the needle enters his neck that their plan, however many ways he tried to confound it would work. He wouldn't be able to deny her even if she was a cylon.

* * *

… 

"She's moving 'buck!" Helo starts her out of her frantic planning in circles. His eyes are focused out the front window of the raptor and he points at the hulk of Colonial One for emphasis.

"I'll be damned. Getting any readings from the Basestar?" He was positioning himself in front of his controls and shakes his head pushing different sensors in a specific order to run as many different scans as possible.

"No, it's dead as a doornail" He moves to switch on the power and turns up the com.

"Raptor 798 to Colonial One do you read?" Her voice is tense and her fingers are twitching across her stomach.

"Affirmative Raptor 798 we are under power of flight and seeking coordinates for the jump, our systems have just come back from reboot. Enemy threat has withdrawn."

"Let me speak to Apollo!"

"He was taken, 798…"

Helo watches her hands drop from the comlink on her ear and she slumps forward blinking.

"Captain Thrace? Is that you?" The president's voice was hard to hear but it was steady.

"Yes sir, Submitting coordinates for first jump …now" She nodded at Helo trying to keep the tears in her eyes from falling and he hoped that Colonial One didn't panic when they appeared in space alone.

"Protocol 7, foxtrot, twelve." She sighed, and Helo thinks the colonial one's captain, never a particularly strong man, was at least a quick thinker.

"Affirmative, Captain thanks for flying Starbuck and Helo airways!" He grinned knowing they would hold at the coordinates until the raptor met them on the other side. He went to power up the raptor and was belayed by her look.

"You are sending them alone?" His eyes were wide…" 'buck we can't, Apollo would kick your ass, and then mine for letting you." He shakes his head in denial. He wasn't kidding either, the smaller man would have his nuts. He was just tightly corked enough, Helo had seen him lose it and He had been lucky that Lee's back had been to him when it happened, Sharon would certainly never forget it. Funny she never blamed him, and in turn Helo had been able to let it go. She may have understood but she still made sure not to turn her back on him, like you would a dog that had a history of biting.

Starbuck turns on him the full force of her frustration and pain evident in her eyes. If not for the harness holding her in the pilots chair, he knows she would be beating him senseless. He thinks of Sharon and how much he wants to get back to her and he stills.

"Please tell me we aren't going in there"

* * *

… 

His eyes flicker open again, this time hazed with a warm loose glitter. The dim light in the room is flickering and reflecting off of any and every shiny surface. He knows this is wrong, he shouldn't feel like this. He is hearing music, snip its of songs he knew once, a lifetime ago. The half forgotten meanings floating and adding to his disorientation, making him struggle to soar above the random thoughts, the words. He is above and beyond regular thought, but the heat, the loose, hungry feel is consuming and he wonders when he last ate. His mouth was watering and the warmth of the floor beneath him seemed to increase the feeling of hunger, of need. Warm. He kept feeling warm.

"There you are…"Her voice is husky but higher pitched than he remembers, though he is not sure why he remembers her at all.

Giant dark eyes looking into his. He can see a slight reflection of himself and it causes his heart to flutter but then the warm, the warm eats the flutter, because it's a hungry warm.

He is naked. He is warm, and hungry. He knows this girl. She is touching him and making the hunger change twist and stretch. The sparkle of her pale hair is intoxicating and he reaches for it, touching it thinking it is exactly the way spun gold would be. If he really knew what that was…

Her fingers are making his breathing change. He looks down but she grabs his face and makes him look her in the eye and he realizes something.

"I love you."

"Do you ? " she sounds amused.

"I always have." He smiles, the light from her hair making him feel happy. It dances along her head and drops down on his chest. He wants to touch it again but he can't move his hands anymore, they seem to be stuck. This should worry him. It doesn't.

"I loved you the minute I saw you. I will always love you." He continues to smile and she suddenly pulls at him, it's almost painful, but he loves her so he rides it out. Wincing and looking for her eyes when they disappear. "I remember the first time I kissed you…you didn't love me then. You loved my brother…" He moans wondering where that sensation was coming from but then he can see her honey dripped spun gold hair again and he smiles.

"…Asking to be bathed in light…." He whispers softly. Lost for a minute in his head and the flash of her hair, then he continues where he left off.

"I remember wishing I had died so you wouldn't have lost him. So you could be happy. I would rather …uhh" She has almost hurt him again, he shudders trying to remember what he was saying.

"I would rather die than you be unhappy….know why?" His face is open and it only flickers intermittently with what her hands are doing to his body. She pauses and then finishes him. He cries out her name, but not her name, and she wants to be away from him. But he finishes what he was trying to say and she knows that the ones who made her are doomed.

"I love you so much I would come back from the dead if you asked me to…" He smiles and she knows he is thinking of some fairy tale something half remembered, told to human children to make them think death wasn't the end.

_Polydueces spends half of his days below with his brother…_

The ones who made her hadn't warned her that the body they had created would have a memory of this man. They had told her that he would know her. But here, now, she was feeling something, and it made her flip the switch that held him in place. He didn't know yet that he could move and she knew they wanted him for more than what she had taken.

They would settle for this though.

When she heard the tread of humans, they always walked too hard in the Base stars they weren't used to the give of the decking; it was coming from the passageway. She looked into his flushed, happy face she leaned to his lips and kissed him. It was her first kiss, she was only months old, not years, she knew by his standards she was only an infant but she had been engineered for a purpose, and she was a one of kind, none of the others had been 'viable' but she had completed her part for this phase. Too bad, though her body was singing with a strange vibration in response to his presence, she would have liked to explore that.

Oh well, she set him free, because her every instinct demanded it, and because the sounds outside the hall said he may just yet survive this. For some reason she wanted that. She moved to the hall making time through the dark completely avoiding the noise. Her departure was noted by none, the base star was dead. The heavy raider she took was sluggish and confused but she knew it would serve her. She was too important now that her sisters were all dead.

* * *

… 

"Frak Helo, I see two chromies and a couple Simon's."

"I got three Sixes and damnit, a couple Boomers." It sounded like a crazy game of cards, he nearly laughed, except it wasn't at all funny.

"this is crazy…."

"you are telling me?"

"hey there maybe if we follow the scratches …" She smirked pointing at the floor. The gouges led the other way, the opposite direction they had started to turn. Helo scowled at her dramatically moving back to take point protectively in front of Starbuck's fantastic belly. Ok it wasn't THAT fantastic, but when you were used to the woman running around half clothed and sexy, the belly, well it was a shock.

They followed the gouges and Starbuck unconsciously touched the viper when they came to it swearing to herself, if there was a way, they would take it with, it seemed unharmed.

She dropped to one of her knees and pointed at the prints on the weird, meaty surface.

"Metal feet…they said a chromie grabbed him lets follow those." He shrugged knowing she was getting a scent, though he wasn't sure how. He half imagined that she would have made one hell of a tracker or maybe a rancher back when there were still animals to hunt.

As they moved deeper in, they noticed several 'chromies' standing, seemingly deactivated, they happened to look up in towards the higher chamber and Starbuck realized what Apollo had been trying to say.

"Oh My Gods!" She hissed. Helo followed her gaze up and swallowed. Raiders, hanging like bats as far as the eye could see. None had the red pulse. They were as inactive as the "chromies" on the deck. But the sight was awesome and Helo had to bite back the urge to shout to test the echo. "They were never dispatched…"

"Let's get outa her 'buck "She seemed to share his sentiment. They followed the tracks until they were lost in the darkness.

"Well Frak…" She was cocking her head like a dog. He tried not to laugh.

"Do you hear that?" Helo listened intently; he could hear a strange melodic whine, or maybe a squeak.

"What is it?" She looked at him and he thought maybe she had lost her mind because she was grinning.

"Singing…" She was looking like it was some sort of inside joke but she was hot on the trail of the untalented wretch who was murdering that poor helpless song. Helo pointed out that it was being butchered and Starbuck had laughed out loud and they froze. She looked both ways and told him seriously that it wasn't that Lee's taste in music had always seemed kinda, what was it he used to say?

"Eclectic, that's what he used to call it…" she snickered and started whispering with him evidently she had been tortured with song many times before.

_…_

It was getting louder as they approached and Helo was amazed the racket hadn't caused a ship wide stampede. It was a haunting melody that made Helo feel stupid, like there was something he wasn't getting about it. Lee's voice had tapered off between verses and he groaned a strange tune in between that Kara seemed to know as well. It was sad, and yet not, and it surprised Helo to no end that Kara was so enthralled with it. He supposed it was due to days past, a memory that may just be a good one. He hoped for her it was.

When they found him he was sitting on the floor, without a stitch of clothing. Helo conceded that yes the man did look good for being drugged out of his right mind. He watched as Kara moved to him. He was sporting a circular bruise on his neck that screamed 'really big ass needle' and his eyes were mismatched, one big pupil, one small, the blue that was showing glittering madly, and his hair was every which way making him look like a rock star. He had helmet head, bad. The expression on his face was disoriented and strangely beguiling, it was as if his features had been removed and put back on slightly crooked. He looked like a child. She began speaking softly as he seemed confused and kept asking why she left him and came back older. He periodically started singing again where he left off and suddenly after the last set of ahhs; he looked at Kara and had a moment of clarity.

"Zak hated that song…because you admitted you liked it." His eyes were wide and the haze dropped over them again and he tried to stand up. It worked, kinda, and he went in all his glory straight for Helo. Starbucks face had gone from happy to sad in the blink of an eye and she seemed to be experiencing an epiphany. A tenderness he had never seen creeped over her face but it was dispelled in the next heartbeat.

"ZAK!" He hugged Helo hard. Shocking him and causing him to cringe. He was acting more than drunk and Helo realized that this was a very odd turn of events. He looked at Kara who took a good long look at him and shook her head dismissively. Lee was unsteady and Helo realized he was leaning his naked frame against him for support and it was disturbing.

He pushed Lee back from him as gently as he could, trying to disengage his brotherly hug and untangle their limbs. Apollo obliged and turned on Kara.

He splayed his hands across her belly and sung a segment of song

"Its here I'll be with you…" And his voice changed into a sad wail. Then his face flickered, he tickled her suddenly, and giggled and Helo was afraid that would be the end of Apollo but he watched as Kara remained uncharacteristically calm and took his hands in hers only to have him cover her hands with spastic, sloppy kisses.

"We can't leave my Viper here," he said suddenly. And Helo raised his eyebrows at Starbuck. "I love her, we can't abandon her…" Suddenly Helo wondered why, Apollo was naked. Kara removed her Uniform coat and blinked at him.

"What?" Oh no she wasn't ….but she was.

"Give em…you have shorts on under…he has nothing."

"He has nothing to be ashamed of…let him dangle" He grinned at her. "Besides he doesn't seem to care anyway." He was swaying and touching Kara's hair, seemingly fascinated, while he used her to keep his balance. He started petting her.

When he moved around to get more of her hair and press his face into it Helo noticed two large scars on his shoulder blades. They were angry and purple, and deep. He frowned, wondering at the pain those would have caused. They weren't all that old by the looks of em.

She was trying to get him to put on the jacket but when she would speak he would touch her lips and make kissing noises and try to kiss her. She gave up and wrapped the jacket around his hips by the arms leaving the part that would fly open in the back. When Helo raised an eyebrow she grinned.

"It is one of his best features, surely he will forgive."

He wasn't cooperating with the trying to leave part though, he wanted to dance now and his knees kept buckling like he was going to collapse. His behavior, though funny was very disconcerting and Helo could tell it was starting to scare Starbuck pretty bad. Apollo was never this, well, out of control, even drunk he maintained a certain degree of dignity, as if it was impossible for him to shake it. Kara was getting frustrated and she looked at Helo and her eyes told him that dead weight was better than this. He thought that maybe the look in Lee's eyes had a lot to do with it. It would be easier if they were closed, somehow less 'exposed' and it had nothing to do with his nudity.

Helo sighed and unclipped his sidearm hoping that Apollo wouldn't remember any of this as he pistol whipped him, praying he did no more damage to the mans obviously overtaxed brain, and tossed him over a shoulder like a game buck. Apollo was too big for around the neck, but over one shoulder worked ok. Damn he was heavy.

He gave a momentary thought to the 'dangle' factor and decided that the jacket was enough protection. For his uniform, not for Apollo's 'arrow' he really never wanted to think about it again so he started humming that stupid song and followed Starbuck out.

As they neared the hub, hiding in a shadow as two Aaron Doral's, and a Leoben passed by Starbuck began with her orders and Helo froze.

"You can't be serious"

"You heard the man, "She leaned to where Apollo's head was flopping over Helo's shoulder. And she brushed her knuckles under his jaw line.

"I don't think the G's will be good for you… He frowned"

"Helo…no launch tubes…do you see any? I will go as slow as I can and you will get Colonial one to jump back so I can land and we can get the frak outa here."

"Did we really come here for Apollo or his damn Viper?" She grinned the Starbuck grin and he knew what was coming and he fought the smile. "Damn, you know we could get killed because you have an unhealthy fixation?"

"Just don't tell him, we came back for the bird, it would break his heart" She disappeared into the shadows and Helo lugged the over half nude, unconscious Apollo, trying gallantly not to touch the mans bare ass, to the raptor, glad that the base star was still dark and that there was no one to tell him how crazy he was for listening to that woman.

Crap, she was going to need a helmet. He groaned and removed his flight suit, damnit, he didn't do it for Apollo but he couldn't let her try to hold her breath until Colonial One jumped in. He sighed deposited the former, mostly naked Captain Adama in the ECO chair of the raptor, strapped him in just in case, and pulled on a back up jacket from the raptors crash kit and then hoofed to Starbuck and helped her struggle into his flight suit and helmet. He grinned when he realized that wasn't the only reason it was good he had come back.

She couldn't get up on the wing to get in the ship…it wasn't lack of strength, it was simply impossible to do it they way they were trained when you had a belly the size of a small melon.

He shoved her up on the wing like a fat lady onto a bus. She protested and they both dissolved into giggles and he was reminded why they weren't good on missions together. They were in grave danger and laughing too hard at their own antics to hear movement around them. Starbuck had gained the wing and froze. Helo realized what it meant and took the side arm out of the leg of her flight suit where his head was essentially between her legs anyway. He braced himself, safety off and turned.

The 'Boomer' model had the gall to look indignant about the smoking hole in her forehead. Helo threw up on his shoes, and was glad he hadn't given them to Kara. He met her eyes for a second and she blinked and put her helmet on and scrambled into the cockpit nodding that it was time to quit frakking around.

"Let's get…"

"………..the frak outa here."

* * *

Chapter 13

_Atalanta, the queen of swords, offered a challenge to all her suitors. If they could not beat her in a foot race, they forfeit their lives. When she was finally beaten, through wit and Aphrodite's meddling, she made the mistake of making the marriage bed in Zeus' sacred grove…He damned them both changing them into lions…everyone knows Lions only mate with leopards so they were never allowed a second coupling._

* * *

… 

"He is going to take a while to come down. It's a cocktail of drugs, most of which is Sodium Pentothal, as well as not a little Lysergic Acid Diethylamide; it really should have killed him. The interactions between the trace, and overdose amounts should have. Even if the overdose itself didn't. He is lucky to be as physically strong as he is considering our living conditions. I don't know what to tell you about his current state of mind. He will most likely come out of it, since he is still alive, but, even if he does, it will be a process and he could experience flashbacks for the rest of his life. All I can say is in addition to having been 'raped', for lack of a better term, he was lucky to not have sustained additional physical injuries."

It was the most he thought he had ever heard the major say in one conversation. He hated it. He looked at where Lee sat, humming and rolling his eyes at the ceiling and he swallowed.

"How many days until the 'high' is gone?"

"It will be around two if body weight indicators are correct." He looked thoughtful. "You should know…He will go through a period of withdraw. And it won't be pretty."

This was not a surprise but, it was scary that Lee's current state wasn't the worst of it.

"He will need a familiar face that can take what his body and mind will be going through as he processes. It will need to be somebody physically able to handle him. And who can take whatever he can dish out emotionally."

William sighed. If Starbuck wasn't pregnant there would be no question about who he would ask to do it. He thought about that for a minute and wondered why he had such a hard time with the fact that she and Lee had gotten involved physically. In retrospect it made perfect sense, it was just so damn disorienting to think of Kara with Zak and then see Starbuck with Apollo.

William made a decision.

"If I let Captain Thrace stand watch with him, and make sure she had a marine or another person present does that seem appropriate? "

He could see the Major was taken aback by the question. It was a command decision or so it seemed, but Bill really just wanted someone to tell him he was being objective and that he could fix what he had sought to punish. He had no idea where it would lead, but his sincere hope was that he could somehow help them patch the rift that he had created between them. In doing so he was unconsciously like his son, he took the blame, where there was none to be taken. Adama men seem to struggle with the idea that we are all ultimately responsible for our own actions. Zak was the only one who truly understood it, and he had lost the race.

"It would be, acceptable, more so for your son than the Captain, she has a lot of issues with her being pregnant in general; it would be an emotional strain for her to be the one ultimately responsible." The major frowned.

"You think you will be able to keep her away if I tell her she can't?"

The Major made a dismissive noise.

"You think I'm stupid? I am just saying that she shouldn't be allowed to over stay, because of the babies. As far as keeping her away, I have no illusions any of us could do that, no matter what rank, short of locking her in the brig and in my opinion that would probably be worse under the circumstances." The admiral caught the back peddle and nearly laughed. The major didn't want him to take that last suggestion to heart.

"I will post a familiar officer or friend at his bedside until it's safe then."

"Admiral…he can't stay here" The major looked as close to chagrined as was possible for him.

"Why?" William was so tired.

"He has to be in a locked room, for his safety and everyone else's."

"This really is a mess…"

"No more so than being wiped out by robots.."

William grunted in agreement. He sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"Ok I'll make a safe room, and we will work from there. You will be checking him personally though?"

"Of course…"

"You could put him in Valerie's cage; she is scheduled for delivery and post partum."

"I guess Agathon is out then…"

"Admiral?"

"It's not the end of the world….that already happened."

"I know…" He has a wry look on his face.

In the end they put him in the brig; Starbuck was given keys and the adjoining cell. She was told never to enter his cell unless a marine was in the room. It was the most privacy they had had since the end of the world. Even if there was a guard posted outside.

* * *

…

"sssshhh, do you hear them?"

Starbuck wanted to scream. Lee was gone again.

"Lee! Stick with me here!" She immediately felt bad, his eyes widened and filled with tears.

"I am sorry Kara," He pushed his hands through the bars searching for hers. His hundredth apology in the last couple hours. He had said some pretty weird things, and some of them had scared her pretty bad but she had been warned that his mind was full of disconcerted images and she knew what that was like. He was also supposedly experiencing all the other senses as well. It made her laugh a little to think of phantom smells, it just seemed like an over blown excuse a man would use for gas. But supposedly he was experiencing lots of things that weren't really happening.

"Drink Lee…"

"Yes Kara." He picked up the water bottle she had given him, and dutifully drank it just like he had the last gazillion. He was being forced to drink and the side effect was fairly humorous because apparently he was not experiencing normal sensations because he would start squirming and look at her and she would have to remind him to go to the bathroom.

He was strangely compliant most of the time and that was one of the scariest things for her. It was very disconcerting to have the one person who has always been her hardest competition suddenly obeying her every wish. She had a moment of pure mischief and had made him do jumping jacks just to see if he would but it had ended abruptly when she saw that he was waiting on her next instruction while continuing the exercise, his expression not the blank one of a soldier, it was the adoring gaze of a puppy. She had felt smaller and evil somehow and made him stop immediately.

"I wish I could really touch you…"she looked up surprised that his voice had gone from the petulant child like Lee to a huskier closer to the real Lee voice. His eyes, which were still not tracking exactly right, were more normal than they had been, and he pulled on her hands a little, a predatory look crossing his face. She swallowed. "You belong to me. Someday you will realize that." She realized he had entered in one of his fractured memories again, something that happened when his head was adding two and two and getting seven. She had learned to roll with it because he became agitated if she tried to explain why he was wrong.

"You and all of them that are you, belong to me." He was nearly growling.

"Ya, Lee you said that" He was scaring her again, he was going towards the darkness, instead of the light, and though it meant he wouldn't try petting her hair, a small relief, it was a much more dangerous route.

"But you don't get it."

"No, I really don't"

"Let me show you…" His fingers were caressing suddenly, and moving up her arms, pulling her to the bars. She felt her blood sing and the weight of the keys in her pockets and fought the urges. He could hurt her, more importantly he could hurt the babies. She had watched him shift gears and though he had yet to be violent in any way he had been erratic and the sudden changes were fearsome even if his behavior wasn't particularly combative. She was surprised at how in this state, with him not himself that she was still so devastatingly attracted to him. His caresses left off suddenly and she felt cold. He was looking at her.

"You feel it…I can see it. Huntress, I can smell it." He had assumed the squint, the one that made her fear he would throw her down on the ground and either beat the crap out of her or…well he wasn't wrong she wanted him.

"Your body, will always want me…it will always remember me."

"Well, that's pretty cocky, I don't know if I would say you were that good." She was grasping at her own sanity now.

The squint was joined by a grin that was almost a grimace. It made his face demonic, or maybe hellish she wasn't sure. It was pretty bad but even in that he was painfully gorgeous.

"Your blood will always know my name, every me that was, and every you that will be, always."

He moved toward her suddenly grabbing her hair and pulling her face to the bars. He didn't slam her into them but he did press. She had a bar on each cheek bone and the tip of his nose was barely touching hers. Her back protested the position, she needed to stand up. But then he was kissing her. It was deep and scary and so right. The cold bars between them kept her grounded and she clung to them fighting to breathe but not fighting the grip he had on her hair and not really wanting to back up. Finally her back cried out and she got a cramp that made her jerk, his lips pursued hers until he met metal and could go no further and then he let her go just as suddenly as he had grabbed her.

She sat back, lips swollen, wanting him with every molecule in her body. He blinked at her. He looked like a crazy mime with long bar shaped impressions on his face.

"Who are you?" She closed her eyes against the tears. "I know you from somewhere don't I? Wait, I know you are my brother's new girl friend aren't you?" Kara took a deep breath and wanted badly to leave but he smiled at her and she settled in again knowing that it was almost over, at least this part of it.

* * *

… 

Helo dropped the cigar he had been coming to give Starbuck. He stood still for a moment trying to decide if he should turn around and leave. He was a father now and wanted to share the joy but the scene that met his eyes sobered him and he didn't really have a clue what to do about it.

Lee had 'come down' yesterday after noon. It had been terrifying according to Starbuck but he had, wrongfully he sees now, assumed the worst was over. Kara was standing at the side of the cell tears streaming down her face and with the keys in her hand. Helo could see she was torn. Apollo was in the corner of the cell, as far from her as he could get curled into a fetal position that seemed tighter than any knot. He was tucked in so much all Helo could see was arms and legs and the top of his head. He was shaking, it wasn't a little tremble either, it was a full blown spasm.

When he looked up, and he did, because Helo cleared his throat uncomfortably, his eyes were blood red and his lips trembled in a completely different manner than his body. He blinked hard and Helo could tell that he couldn't see who it was because he had been pressing his eyes, hard into his knees. His fingers were laced across his ankles and they were clasping and unclasping frantically.

A soundless 'no' on his sweating, shaking face as Helo slowly came into view.

"I am sorry…" Helo wasn't sure who Lee was talking to at first and then it crossed his mind that he was probably seeing someone else again and he sighed but Apollo continued and Helo froze. "I never understood how you could love her, it, whatever." The words struck a cord but Helo dismissed it thinking maybe he was still thinking of someone else. "But I know now, how you can love one of them, because I do…and I always have." The sorrow and the humility made Helo shift and he looked closer at him.

Aside from being red, his eyes were tracking now and they never left the woman standing at the door to the cell after he began speaking. Helo chanced a look at her and his heart was pulled violently, she was still standing in the same position, her knuckles white on the keys and she was staring at Lee, her face blanched in a look of outlandish shock.

"Helo…" She whispered pain fogging her words. "I need to see the doc. But I don't know if I can move." The tears started down her face again in a torrent. Helo immediately picked her up, his first thought on the babies, and made to leave.

"Don't break my toaster Helo, she is all I have left" the words echoed in his head as he nearly dropped Kara and turned to look at Lee to tear him apart for being so damn cruel, there was no amount of pain that should make someone be that damn hateful.

But Lee's face was sad and self mocking. He met Helo's gaze and swallowed.

"I really do love her ya know?" His whisper was soft and hardly audible. Apollo turned back into the corner and became as small as he could again. The shaking seemed to ease the further away they moved.

The woman in his arms was barely breathing, her eyes were wide and glassy and her skin was ashen. He stopped thinking and just did because that is what a good soldier does.

* * *

… 

_The widows are all open and the long white sheets that adorned them were blowing haphazardly in the steady breeze. The room was big and empty looking. On one wall is a mattress set with cobalt blue sheets and pillows. It is on the floor, with no actual bed frame the sheets look brand new like they were just taken out of the package, still scored with boxy lines where they had been folded._

_The floor is a bare, hardwood expanse. Sound bounces off it in all directions. It is the color of honey. Other than a computer and some books the only other thing in the room beside the doors to the hall and the bathroom is a stereo. It is a compact model but it has several small speakers placed through out the room. _

_Lee is laying in bed, his first night in his first private apartment, though it is more a studio than an actual apartment as it did not have a kitchen. That is a sad point for him, because one of his hidden talents is his ability to cook a great meal. But the price had been right and he was too busy with War College to worry too much about his culinary pursuits. He is having trouble falling asleep the excitement of having his own space making his thoughts race. No dorms, his own shower, naked time, music as loud as he liked, no lights out, he listed endlessly the things that had changed in a matter of hours and a bit of hard earned cash. He rolled over and turned off his alarm, it is the weekend, no classes tomorrow._

_The apartment is the top floor of a music store, so he really thinks he wont have much trouble with noise or neighbors considering the only ones who might complain close at 1700 everyday, and didn't open at all on Sundays. The occasional music lesson might irritate, but he has yet to find out how much sound carried from downstairs. The only responsibility besides cleaning up after himself, is having an extra key to the shop in case of an emergency, he figures that won't prove to be much of a bother. The store wasn't all that busy so it would be a stupid thief that would try to break in to it. He has arranged to clean the store on Sunday mornings for a break on the rent. It is perfect._

_His phone rang and he spends a good several minutes rifling through boxes and throwing books around, just to find it in his jacket pocket._

"_Apollo? Damn were trying to screen me?"_

"_Not bloody likely considering I know you would just keep calling."_

"_So true, so how are we celebrating your new place?"_

"_I am celebrating it right now, alone, naked and laying in my bed trying to sleep before I was so rudely interrupted."_

"_Lee It's only 2300…wait did you say naked?" She pauses and he can hear the knowing smirk. His face colors._

"_You are so crass Thrace, I was simply enjoying the fact that I no longer have an audience to worry about._

"_You worry anyway, I bet you don't walk around naked unless the lights are off…" He smiled and just because she was being a jerk he turned on all the lights._

"_wrong.."_

"_I bet you just turned em on…" He laughed at how well she knew him."_

"_Still, you are way too prude to say… dance around in front of the windows…"_

"_Starbuck, why the hell would I do that?" He thinks she is baiting him trying to get him to do something she would do, that seemed like her life-mission and it made a very naughty image pop into his head. He could see her now, walking like a panther across his floor in front of the window naked as the day she was born. He shivered but the image persisted. He could see her looking up at the sky, such a natural motion for her and starting to sway and slide her feet maybe bounce a bit…He coughed_

"_I know, I know, you would never do something that impulsive in a million years… you are so uptight, I am so glad that Zak doesn't have that same stick up his ass." The gauntlet is thrown, he laughs at how silly it is and moves to the window…he hesitates slightly telling her she is moron and Zak can't dance any way as he moves to the window and moves like the soft music coming from his stereo is loud enough to effect him._

"_Zak, can too dance…although he does it in private better than when we go out." He hears the implication and tries not to care, it makes him move a little more impulsively and he smacks the remote turning up the music a bit. Cars drive past and he earns a couple honks and even a couple woo hoo's, but there aren't any people walking around so it's ok._

"_And apparently, so do you…" He freezes._

_Her laughter makes him cringe and he looks down and after a quick scan of the area he sees her standing on the deserted street corner waving. He gives her the bird. She grins and tells him to buzz the door. But neither of them move. He is still standing there naked, willing her to take note, because he could never say the things he wanted to and the embarrassment had turned to something else and her little game was more dangerous than she realized and he needed to make her see._

"_stalker…why should I let you in?"_

"_Because it's scary down here, like a ghost town. These people go to bed at 1600 or something?"_

"_It's a business district, they leave when the shops close…" He is still standing there, she is still looking up and the words aren't at all important. In fact he isn't really sure what he is saying, he is trying to read her face and he knows she is finally seeing him, all of him and not the just naked Lee, she is also seeing that he isn't the cowering mama's boy she likes to pretend he is. He isn't the sweet, shy bookworm, He can be, and given the proper stage is, as bold as she is and almost as cocky._

"_you're gonna catch cold, Apollo…"_

"_never gonna happen…you sure you wanna come in?" His turn to challenge._

"_I did drive across town to see you…"_

"_You can see me, is that all you wanted?" Frak he was not doing this._

"_You gonna be a prick or let me in?" He laughs but it doesn't break the tension._

"_Probably both…" He moves to the door and presses the button, wondering at why he is toying with this._

_He continues to hold the phone to his ear but neither of them say anything nor do they break the call until she is opening the door and their eyes meet, then the phones are snapped closed and they stand there. His eyes travel all over her face and he says nothing knowing his breathing has deepened. He watches her eat him with her eyes, he likes it. ._

_They both start frantically when her phone rings. She looks at it and the spell breaks._

"_Zak…" she whispers._

"_Sorry babe, I was talking to your brother…"_

_Lee goes and pulls on a pair of shorts._

* * *

… 

"The tests results, Lt. I don't understand."

"Giaus Baltar was a liar." She breaks their concentration by speaking.

"Starbuck, "Helo begins.

"No. Ask Sharon, she will tell you, he lied about her." Her voice breaks and she hugs her belly to her shaking her head. She can still see Lee's face as he said it.

He had looked her in the eyes and she could tell he was remembering something. He had walked her through what had happened to him and he kept calling the toaster blondie. But it wasn't until he was talking about what the cylon had done to him, when he had told her emotionlessly that it had put its hands on him, that he realized the worst of it. He had been shaking and wincing in pain the whole time when the realization hit him, it all stopped. He stopped.

"Gods…Kara, it was you…not you now, but you when I first met you…"

He had broken then. His eyes widened and he began shaking again in a more erratic way, sobs suddenly wracked him and he scrambled to get the frak away from her.

Her first thought was her babies. Would they be safe if she really was a cylon? Then her mind revolted at the thought, there was no frakking way she was a frakking cylon. He had hallucinated, he was drugged for fraks sake. But his eyes told her he was sure and her heart didn't doubt him. He wouldn't play that game, if he had questioned it at all he would never have pointed at the mother of his children and screamed witch! He knew it could end with her in flames. He hadn't told anyone else and had refused to talk to anyone. The only one that could get him to even eat or drink was Helo. He wasn't speaking and she thought of the period of time before she had found out she was pregnant when she had gone through the same thing. Her soul ached for him. She had no idea what it all meant but she was damn well going to find out.

Talking to Sharon had proved the right thing to do. This Sharon knew what she was. This Sharon could run Baltar's machine. This Sharon used her own sample to prove it worked. And though there was speculation as to if the pet cylon would cover up for Starbuck, her supposed comrade, Gaeta checked and double checked and explained how it was completely legit.

She was not a cylon.

Lee was not buying it. The realization that the only one she cared about was the only one not believing her was almost as bad as the fear in his eyes when he looked at her.

* * *

… 

_She watches him out of the corner of her eye as she talks to his brother on the phone. She watches him pull the shorts up over his body and she feels a stab of frustration but Zak is being sweet and funny and she laughs erasing the heat that had been pooling in her._

"_I'm sorry baby, but a test is a test, I would suggest you try to get as much sleep this weekend as you can and make sure to get as many hours in the simulator as you can, hell I would suggest you figure out away to cut in line so you don't have to wait your turn."_

"_Am I really that bad?" She smiled at least he was laughing about it._

"_We all were at your level…practice practice Adama…"He snorts._

_She is watching Lee mess with the stereo, he is crouched and the muscles in his back are stretching fetchingly his soft humming makes her stomach tickle. She was glad for the two extra years war college required. She had graduated from officer candidate school the year before and the instructor position had meant they would be planet side together until he graduated at the very least._

"_I can't believe you and Lee ever had the trouble I have, Ms Flight instructor and Lord Apollo…whatever…"_

_She watches the play of muscles as Lee stands and stretches and thinks she is the only one who needs to learn anything here…but she chuckles anyway._

"_Maybe, but we have had our share of troubles cadet…seriously as many hours as you can log." She is thinking that part of her troubles are just beginning as she says it._

"_Yes Sir! Hey what did Lee have to say? Does he like his new place?"_

"_He said it already feels like home…" She sees him smile and knows he is listening to her._

"_Maybe I should call him, it is his first night out of captivity…"_

"_He was going to bed when I hung up…"_

"_Oh, well I guess I will have to call him tomorrow."_

"_Sounds like a good plan, Z. "_

"_I love you…" She smiles, she knows he does. She returns it and knows what she says is true. Her eyes only tear for a second as she watches Lee turn away so he doesn't have to watch her say it. When she hangs up he turns back and she knows things are back where they belong between them. He looks contrite._

"_You should leave…" It was a question, all the challenges and bravado gone._

_She decides then and there she is staying._

"_I love him."_

"_So do I."_

"_I know."_

"_Then what is this?" She knew the answer but she had to ask._

"_What It's always been…"_

"_Right" She moves to him and turns up the music laughing at his weird taste. "Gods Lee you even pick music that's hard to dance to. Do you ever take the easy road?"_

"_What fun would that be?" His half smile is honest._

_She slides up to him after dropping her coat and the bag of coffee, her housewarming present, on the floor near the door. Every light in the room is blazing and she wants to laugh because she had watched them all come on. She wraps her arms around him and they begin to sway. _

"_What the hell is this song about?"_

"_A secret place, or sacred place where people who can't be together …can"_

_She expected as much, his mind was such a deep constantly moving thing, she should have realized he filled it with relevant music. Where she would have found something with a beat that would have erased her thoughts, he finds stuff to reinforce them. She tightens her grip on his waist laying her head in the crook of his neck._

"_Teach me the words..."_

_His voice is soft and the tune isn't that hard and because she understands what it means the poetic nature doesn't confound her like it would have. She understands the over all idea and feels it in her heart so the abstract thoughts and words that seem pointless all come into view. _

_They dance the night away and are still swaying when the sun comes up, the words are engrained in both of them and the tune is at hand without any stereo or radio needed. It is the one place they belong to each other. His arms wrapped about her, she knows they are almost asleep on their feet as the sun pours over them slowly. She feels its warmth on the parts of her he isn't touching and it's like she has been submerged in sunlight. _

_She leads him to the bed and watches him lay down. He looks up at her warm and sleepy and just Lee. She sighs and drops her pants and throws her sweater on the floor next to them. He watches but says nothing. When she drops into the bright blue of his bed she smiles that the sheets match his eyes and wonders if the next girl to sleep here would notice that. She rolls into his arms and as she drops off to sleep she hears him whisper._

"_It's here ill be with you…" _

* * *

… 

"Well, I know you have been worried, and there is no way you are a cylon, we have run every test possible, matched everything we know about Valerie, her little girl, and you. You are as human as I am. And Captain, way more pregnant, so you need to eat."

"Frak, I am not hungry."

"But they are." He eyes her protruding belly and she blinks for a minute and then laughs.

"ok, ok."

She forces her self to eat the tasteless substance he has placed in front of her and is unable to keep her face from screwing up while she does it. She thinks about the things she has to do for her tenants that she wouldn't have for herself and sighs. They had actually taken on personalities in the last few weeks in her emotional turmoil. There was the active one who liked to beat her up internally and the softer one that seemed to make gentle searching movements. In her head the girl was the aggressor and the male had Lee's mother's gentle nature. She didn't know if that was weird of her or not. She didn't particularly care.

She see's Helo fly by sliding to a stop in front of her curtain on his way to see Sharon and the baby.

"What ya doin here 'buck?"

"Being forced to eat…" She grimaced and showed him her half chewed mouthful.

"Bleh." He wrinkled his nose. "Lee seems better today if you wanna go try to see him later." She looked down not knowing what to say. "He asked to talk to Sharon…" She looked up.

"What?" Her surprise making her eyebrows shoot up, and whether she realized it or not, it was an Apollo expression.

"He asked to talk to Sharon." He repeated. "He seems to have remembered something else or at least wants to ask about something. 'Buck he seems much better today, really."

"Doc said it could come and go…" She tried to sound as if Lee cowering away from her again wouldn't kill her.

"He is strong, he is getting better." She was again surprised, Helo and Lee had never been particularly fond of each other but the last few days had seen a change in that. Lee had an understanding of what Helo must have felt and it made him apologetic for his previous judgments. Helo was just plain Helo and grudges were not a part of his being. He had been awkward at first with Lee but they now shared a bond similar to that of prisoners of war, she thought to herself bitterly. Even if Lee wasn't really in love with a Cylon, one with her face had done things to him he would never be able to forgive himself for. She knew that was part of it. He hadn't been able to stop her, and the worst part of course, because it was her, he hadn't even tried. He wouldn't accept that the drugs were an excuse no matter how many times it was explained what effects they had. That would be admitting a different kind of short coming, a physical one and right now he questioned his mind the most so he wouldn't hear it.

Helo had taken a protective stance and had been splitting his time between the brig and Sharon. He had taken the baby with him yesterday to see Lee and Kara had wanted to ask what happened but she had buried herself in paperwork instead. Kara was struggling with the fact that Lee, who had few friends as long as she had known him was suddenly so close to someone else. It bothered her. It made her wary of Helo, who had always been her friend, because they obviously had to be talking about her. She was struggling with jealousy and a feeling of displacement.

Helo was looking at his feet and Kara studied the top of his head suddenly getting an image of Zak doing the same thing when he had walked in on her and Lee studying on Lee's bed over a break. He had thought they were being, well intimate because they were on the bed. They hadn't been and they had laughed at him. They had ended up in a pillow fight all three of them. She sighed, Lee had shared her with his brother, she could share Helo with him…but she didn't have to like it.

"I'll go, after he talks to Sharon." She hopes she sounds as nonchalant as she means to.

He looks up and smiles that Helo the puppy smile that makes her want to push his head.

"Good." Is all he says and he winks and he is flying again, to see his daughter and the love of his life.

* * *

… 

Chapter 14

_Lee has the blonds hair twisted into his fists, she is prone because he can't bring himself to look at her face. He tries not to think of anything just feel, but it isn't working and she is starting to fight him so he lets go of her and steps back. His body is shaking and he can feel tears that haven't fallen yet threaten and he hates her, because she is closest._

_She rolls over looking at him with a look of scrutiny on her overly delicate features. There is nothing fierce here, that is why he can't look at her face when he is inside her. She suddenly sighs and asks him if he'd rather just drink some more and he is relieved. _

_The drinks slid down more easily than they should and he is slobbering drunk by the time he realizes he needs to get back to his apartment or he will be waking up in a gutter. He doesn't want to stay with her, he doesn't want to take her home, but she is the only way he thinks he is going to find it. He stands shakily and she eyes him, they have been talking in riddles for hours and he wonders about her, if he had met her at a different time, if it would have been different._

_She laughs at something, he wonders if his fly is open or something and she smiles. She really is pretty, maybe he could try that earlier thing again? _

"_You are way too drunk to handle the take off…"_

_He smiled, it was lopsided, and she was right._

"_I am really sorry…"_

"_Shouldn't be darlin, sex is beneath you really, I know you are slumming."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Just that you are too smart for that to be the most important drive you have. You have animal, and it's damn sexy but I get the impression that even in that, your head is somewhere else."_

_He didn't know what to say to that. He figures drunkenly that she is probably right. Maybe she is trying to give him an excuse for not being able to finish earlier. There hasn't ever been a time that his head shut off and his body took over, not during sex only anger, in anger he is passionate. He wonders if that means there is something wrong with him and hopes it isn't the case. It takes him a really long time to respond and he has to look at her to see if she really wants him to._

"_It's always that way, I guess…"_

"_maybe someday you'll find the right partner." She smiles and takes the sting out of it._

_She nods, affirming her thought, and he watches the lights play off her platinum blond head and sighs. She looked so familiar when he had picked her up at a bar near Kara's place. He and Kara had parted ways after a frustrating discussion as to why Lee was still single, gods he was sick of that topic, and he knew that Zak was the instigator even if the words had come from Kara's mouth. He couldn't explain why he couldn't find the kind of girl he was looking for, it wasn't lack of trying, he knew that Zak would be a lot more at ease if he did. For many reasons, that's what he kept telling himself. It had nothing to do with Kara. Gods, but it did and they all knew it, or were at least beginning to suspect it._

_This woman had been sitting at the bar her pale hair long and knotted at her nape. Her eyes, he couldn't tell what color they were but they were pale. She had been witty, flirty and compliant. He had gone back to her place for a drink with the feeling he knew her from somewhere but it had never clicked and he was too smart to ask. _

_He had been the one to move it towards the bedroom. She seemed to sense his frustration even when he started kissing her. She had been responsive but not overly so. In fact she had been strangely gentle in the face of his brutal rush._

"_Lemme take you home, darlin."_

"_Ok" He wanted his bed. He wanted his sheets and familiar things around him suddenly._

_She didn't look much older than him really, but the way she called him 'darlin' made him feel like a kid. She was tall, slightly taller than he but she was lithe like a dancer. He appreciated the way she looked but it was a cold beauty that seemed like dirt wouldn't stick to it._

_They walk, strange it is really far but he doesn't mind. It helps get his head clear some and they talk about flying and what it feels like for him. He keeps getting the impression she is interviewing him but he dismisses it. She seems genuinely interested in him, though she deflects questions about herself. He is ok with that he really didn't have a lot of interest in her, she is too delicate._

"_Here we are."_

"_Want me to come up for a minute?"_

_He did, though he didn't know why. His inebriated mind is talking in circles and though the walk had cleared a lot of it he is pretty sure there would be no sex happening, his body is exhausted and she has given him the perfect out. So no biggie she could come up._

_He watches her walk across the floor and he has a vision of Kara doing the same thing and she turns to him and tells him this is a great flat. She stands in front of the floor to ceiling windows on the east side of the room the ones that lets the sun come up on him every morning and she looks up at the stars. He sees her whisper something and then she crosses back over to him and helps him out of his clothes. He felt a little weird but she is so gentle and is leading him to his bed with all her clothes still on. _

_She is wearing a simple shift dress, it's flattering, she has some high fashion sandals with straps that wrap around her ankles numerous times and he is struck that they looked like something he has seen on statues in museums. The silver of her simple silk dress shimmers as she shuts the lights off around his apartment and comes to the side of his bed. He can see the outline of her body perfectly and knows she isn't wearing anything other than the dress. Her nipples stand against the fabric even though the room is hot. They sit there looking out the windows at the stars._

"_Avatar…she is Pandora's Box to you. Once you open it all the mysteries will surface and you will be living the end game."_

_He sits there perplexed thinking for a minute that he hasn't heard her right. He turns to her, to see the stars reflected in her eyes. Her cold delicate face is all shadows and bright planes._

"_Who are you?"_

"_Someone who shouldn't meddle, but can't help it, I will pay for it. "She turns to him and her eyes don't lose the light they are reflecting, instead it seems to come from within. "You can call me Hope." She pauses and he sees an extra sparkle lend itself to the light in her eyes. "As long as you can see the stars, I will be with you."_

_She lays a cool hand on his face. She traces his features in a familiar way like she knows them well. He sits still looking at the brightness in her eyes. Memories flit and threaten and he struggles._

"_This is the last time I can chance this, the years will flow faster for you now, things will progress and there won't be a time you will hear this from me again without anger. It will be your buoy and I can not chance taking it from you."_

_She ran her fingers through his hair and he sees she loves him. He wonders at that._

"_You are much like your name sake, he was much loved but he is asleep and has been for millennia. I alone travel among the stars because I am essential for life._

_She lets her fingers rest on his lips, they are feather light and they smell of cold, mint maybe?_

"_Artemis was frozen in pain, though she had moments of tenderness they were reserved only for Apollo. Her avatar is much like her, though not as cold. "Her fingers brush his cheek tenderly._

"_Will I remember this?"_

_She smiles and leans in and kisses him. He tastes sugar, sparkling and glinting on his tongue and he realizes she is crying. Her movements are light and fleeting and he lays in the blue expanse of his sheets feeling her above him, around him. (my lover is the sky) He looks into her eyes and can see she is fading. The sun is rising and he realizes what that means. _

"_You can't see the stars in the daylight…"_

"_But you know they are there…" She answers and he weeps. His tears dissolve as her last cool, ethereal kisses fade into warmth. _

_He wakes up hours later, blissfully rested and wonders how he got home from Kara's._

* * *

… 

His dreams have been like bad song vids, flashy, full of odd imagery and symbols that don't mean anything in conjunction with the words floating through over them.

He knows a few things for sure. Kara has passed all the tests. Helo's friendship is holding him up even when he doesn't think it is possible to find the energy to draw breath. His body is no longer addicted, and his brain is ignoring that fact. He is in pain. His father is having a hard time looking at him. He has been relieved of some of his genetic material by a cylon and it is most likely being used to further toaster research. He is up for election for the highest office in the colonies that aren't really colonies anymore but a single group it is more of a nomadic tribe really.

They could tell him the 72 hours has passed, that the physical need to kill the pain is gone. But they need to convince his head. The pain pools in his mouth like liquid fire. It drips down his spine and settles in his hips and knees making them alive with electric pulses and erratic spasms, they are lacking any stability. His hands shake like he suffers from a profound palsy. His eyes still feel like there is crushed glass beneath his lids. Bright light makes his brain melt, like so much ice cream on a hot Caprican summer day.

When he isn't thinking death is a better option than this, he is thinking he is hungry. But that proves to be a lie, just as anything else he feels lately. He tries to eat but invariably ends up wearing it. It is scary that even puking is too hard; he can't move fast enough to make it seem anywhere near dignified.

She hasn't come to see him since he had called her a cylon. He doesn't blame her. He is afraid of the way his body will respond to her, it could barely handle water.

A spasm of tremors wracks him and he rides it out, like a small boat on the sea, rocking with the pain and hoping to simply not disappear beneath the surface. He realizes as it tapers off that he has been screaming. His throat is sore and his face is wet with tears he didn't know he had shed. He swallows against the pain, thankful that the constant watch over him had ended the day before.

He doesn't want to, but he collapses into tears his head repeatedly hitting the metal decking with the force of his sobs. It is never really about what he wants. Ever.

* * *

… 

"What do you mean nominated?" She knows he is in no condition for anything of the sort. She was about to spit nails.

"His condition hasn't been leaked obviously, he is considered a hero and it has had an effect on the morale of the fleet, I hate to take the hope he has given them."

She thinks that is the second stupidest thing she has heard lately. She and Helo rescued his whacked-out ass from the cylon sperm bank. How that made him a hero she wasn't at all sure.

"What exactly is the story going around?" She eyes Billy daring him to mess with her.

"It goes something like this…He flew his viper to defend Colonial one after he took the computers down and set up the drone array and Electromagnetic Pulse Generators to fry the Base Star. He then attacked and flew into said Base Star to rescue the captives on the powerless ship which had been boarded by a new blond model of cylon. He then took out two chrome toasters and offered himself in trade for the lives of the people on CO. The rest of the boarding party, along with the new model, took him and let CO go. He waited until they were safe and then escaped with severe injuries and apparently a large fan following." Billy let out a breath.

"What do you remember about the Cylon?" She tries to seem disinterested, like she was told to ask.

"She was blond, very young and evidently had quite a 'strut' and I guess she was wearing almost nothing. It wasn't a model we had seen before, though it did seem familiar, but because the ship computers were down we didn't get any vid footage of it." He shrugged.

She sighed.

"Weren't you there?"

"Ya…"

"Was all that, what you just said, is that what you saw?"

"Um well…sure…I guess, listen I couldn't tell you how much of the story is true even after seeing most of it with my own eyes. I do remember Apollo did save us, and he was dragged off by mechanical unit, violently. That's really all I remember." He looked embarrassed.

"Apollo is in no condition to lead the colonies, Billy they hurt him really bad. (I hurt him) what are his chances of being elected?"

"Well …" She reads the reluctance.

"Frak, he is going to be president? Are you frakking kidding me? Doesn't shooting the vice president figure in here somewhere? Or maybe that he is needed on Galactica?"

"I don't think you understand, there is talk of Roslin's prophecies as well. He is named for a God, He is young and as far as they all know, healthy. People are starting to make up things to support him just because of the hope it gives them. And um…" He colored and shifted.

"What? What else?" How could this get any worse?

"There are new prophesies about you as well." He looks away and somehow she thinks that they aren't as larger than life as Lee's.

"Don't make me hurt you …I am pregnant, I am tired, I have less pilots than I have birds and stupid politicians are trying to steal my best pilot (father of my children). Spit it out."

"Well they appear to be split into two camps." He clears his throat. "The first one is that you are Avatar of Artemis, here to support and perhaps save Apollo. This sect, for lack of proper title, believes your children are meant to rule us. And that the Gods themselves will be brought to bear on the cylons through you and Captain Adama." She didn't correct him; Billy didn't sound right calling him anything else." The other is less well, nice."

She motions at him with her hand to continue. She can hear it now.

"The other camp says you're a cylon sent her to kill him. But to do it slowly and to make him weak and break our spirit first."

"What the FRAK?"

He stumbles over his words suddenly, begging forgiveness, being the herald of bad fortune he tries desperately to offer her something.

"If he is as sick as you say, no one can know, or they will think it was you…that you hurt him and I am worried it could cause…retribution. Captain Thrace, this isn't politics anymore, and hasn't been for a while, it's religion."

* * *

… 

He feels cool fingers on his forehead. He thinks it's his mother; she is humming and trying to sooth his pain. When his eyes finally make it all the way open, he would have jumped, but there was just no energy in him to do so.

"It's ok Apollo, I just wanted to make sure you didn't need the doctor." She withdrew her hands (they are cuffed together) from the cell. I think it's almost over, the pain. You will need lots of sleep soon but I figured if I was going to keep Starbuck from beating my Helo to death, I needed to get to you and find out what you wanted from me."

He blinks and tries to remember and then it comes clear and he carefully sits up watching her try to make herself comfortable on the floor. He takes pity suddenly and moves to the bed where it is pressed against the bed in the other cell with bars between them. Kara had slept here with him holding his hand the first couple nights that he was home.

She looked at him thoughtfully and moves to the bed.

"Trying to get me relaxed? I will warn you, I am only three days past child birth, I will probably fall asleep if I get too comfortable."

"What did you end up naming the baby?"

"Aura Keela Agathon,' She beams proudly obviously ignoring the fact that he had stuffed gun in her face and wanted to kill her at one point "she is beautiful and perfect and has her father's habit of sucking on things."

He attempts to laugh but it's weak and he looks at her apologetically.

"Cylons are all a predetermined age at activation aren't they? I mean all of your models appear to be the same age."

"Essentially, yes." Her eyes widen as he spills what has been bugging him since he realized the cylon was Kara.

"She was only 15, or at least she only looked 15, like Kara at 15. That is significant isn't it?"

"Well, ya we were created, not born. We are downloaded when the body is ready, which for us is when the body is mature enough to take the down load. This is after puberty because of body chemical interference. Because we seek to sexually procreate, we can't chance the download damaging the development of those functions. Though obviously things aren't going well in that sense."

"She was not completely matured. I know that. I knew Kara well back then, a lot about her changed after the age of 15."

"She is most likely a clone."

"Why would they do that? And why would a clone cooperate with them? It would be human then?"

"Ya it would be human, but it would have no memory. It wouldn't have anything in it that would make it Kara. Just her body or a close facsimile. Clones are never 100 because they have yet to perfect the process, they all have a slight genetic discrepancy because they have to create the life with parts of another's DNA, life is not spontaneous. At least not in this case."

"They mean to use her as breeding stock, that clone?"

"It makes sense I guess, since they have problems getting viable products from cylon-human mating, they believe it has to do with love. That may be where you come in."

"If they can use your genetic markers, to get her body to respond and yet use a cylon…" She squinted and shook her head. "This really isn't my thing. But the bottom line is Kara Thrace is not a cylon. Whatever they are doing is part of a bigger agenda or maybe just because you both still exist and they know you and you are genetically desirable due to the fact you are both survivors, maybe it's the spirit they are trying to get a piece of. This stopped being science along time ago for them. It is now religion"

* * *

… 

_"I have to admit, I feel better knowing you are out there somewhere flying." She kicks the empty bottle away from where they sit on the ledge of her apartment building. He grabs it before it falls. It makes him feel more peaceful now that she has said it, though it doesn't erase the pain or the anger._

_"You don't have to go."_

_"You are wrong Lee, I do …"_

_"I will never forgive you…" He feels the anger start to climb again._

_"You will, it may take a while but you will." She is looking at him, her voice is sure but her eyes say she is betting. That it's a bluff and she's trying to peek at his hand._

_"He killed him Kara…"_

_"Frak you Lee, it was an accident…don't start that shit again."_

_"Stop, this is not how I want to leave."_

_"Since when do you think you get to chose? "_

_"Well hell, definitely not since I met you…"_

_"Why? Why us? Why is it like this for us?" She is frustrated._

_"I wish I could tell you…I wish I knew." He sees her fiddling with her hands. Drunken thoughts taking their last few minutes away from them. "I don't think it will ever change."_

_"I loved him"_

_"I know."_

_"Don't forget that ok?"_

_"I wont, I loved him too…"_

_"I know"_

_"So did your father…"_

_"Enough, I'm done with this.."_

_"I will miss flying with you…"_

_"It's never been enough…" Nothing to lose now. Half his soul in ashes._

_"Shut up."_

_"It never will be, you made your choice, and this time I don't agree. Zak was the better man…I know that now more than I ever could have. If things were different…"_

_He doesn't mean to but he touches the scars on her arms. She raises her eyes to him. Now she is the one who wants a promise._

"_I don't have enough left in me to do it. There is nothing here to kill Kara." It's not a promise but in a way it is. He pushes her away his guilt and pain swallowed, he is packing it straight down his spine, with all the other things that he carries. "if I died I fully suspect that you would drag me out of my grave anyway, things aren't finished and I don't get a choice…"_

_"Damn it Lee…"_

_He leaves her crying. She rarely cries. He happens to be gifted, He can make statues cry, it's a skill. Everyone has a skill. So many things to say, no time, no place. He feels sick that He will be flying without her for the rest of his life. He fully expects to fireball into a landing strip fairly soon. Experimental test pilots have notoriously short life spans. If not it will still be when hell freezes over before he sets foot on the Galactica. Her posting to his fathers ship…it made him feel like he was coming in second , again. What the hell was it with her?_

_He gets every thing he wants, when he wants it. He is damn good at what he does. He has never had to pursue a woman, and the guilt of his feelings for her where Zak is concerned, though immobilizing, have taken on a morbid fascination quality. As if her hurting him made it better, easier to bear. But now …she was going to his father, the last place he could reach her or at least would. She had removed her painful reminder of life from him. Did that make him dead? He thinks she did it without a thought._

_Well two could play that game. He had two and half years of service left. He would wait it out. Then he is gonna get the hell out. This life was eating away his humanity. He walked into the base pub not realizing He had made it that far, that fast. His flight is scheduled for 0800. He motions to the bartender and gets a drink set in front of him._

_"Apollo?" the soft female voice makes him start but also makes him release the tension in his back. He turns, slowly feeling the muscles pull and let out as he does so. He drinks the entire contents of the glass before his eyes fall on her. Blond, 5'6" a little skinny and her eyes are the wrong color._

_"Hey"_

_"hey yourself" Lots of umph in that, she was asking him a question._

_"Leaving in the am…."He feels ambivalent._

_"And your point is?"_

_"Right" He gets up. She stands and grabs her jacket. He hopes he can keep his eyes closed long enough for this to help. He doubts it._

* * *

… 

She moves through the ship, her breathing erratic and her heart beating hard. Her mission had been a success but the hum in her blood that started when she touched him wouldn't stop and it is beginning to scare her. She can tell the ones who made her can hear the change in her and it scares her that they might be angry but they haven't said anything, they only gave her knowing looks and seem to be accepting it as if it has been anticipated. They remand her back to her quarters and she sits there with the things they have provided for her waiting for her next summons.

All the missing bits, the things she feels she should know but doesn't are suddenly more important than they were. She suddenly feels a gap; a space in her that she didn't realize was there. Who is she? Why had touching him made her body feel so tight and constricted? She has heard the ones who made her talk about god and she understands the basis of what they are referring to and she wonders if praying will help. It is worth a shot.

She kneels like she has seen Six do and closes her eyes. At first she doesn't know what to do she just sits there silently waiting. After a few minutes she knows she is doing it wrong because nothing is happening. She looks up in frustration and is greeted by Leoben (one of him) who seems to be the most kind to her. He is standing there with the look that makes her feel like he is looking under her skin, though she isn't sure why that is.

She stands and he waves her back.

"You look good on your knees, K."

"Why does everything you say seem like it means something different than the words you use?"

"Because it usually does." He is laughing at her and for a moment she feels odd. That's new. So is the sudden flash of that human's chest and throat and the smell of his sweat. She may have something wrong with her she thinks.

"I think I need to go see a Simon, I keep having weird sensations."

"Like what?"

"Pictures in my head of things that have already happened."

"Those are memory…you brain accesses them when something triggers it to." He looks unconcerned.

"What images are you getting?"

"That human." She says seemingly unaware that she is much more like him than the creature standing at her door.

"Anything else besides images?" He suddenly seems too interested and she swallows and tells him no. She wants to keep the feelings to herself for a bit. They are entertaining.

He looks her over again and she wishes for more clothes. He moves to her and she stands quietly willing her heart to slow. It is fluttering and she wants him away from her suddenly.

Leoben's hands are suddenly sliding over her arms and touching her searchingly. He feels every inch of her skin, looking for something and when he is finished she has her eyes closed trying to keep from screaming.

Every bit of pressure and sensation of drag of his fingers on her skin called to mind the Human that she had worked on. She had to fight the thrum of the blood through her veins so she could keep from moving while Leoben checked her over. She imagined the human's hands and his scarred back and his strange blue eyes. She could remember what he said to her and even though the words really hadn't been for her she felt them anyway and wanted them to be.

"You seem ok, though your heart rate and sweat production seem higher than normal." He cupped one of her breasts suddenly and she felt her heart rate quadruple. It scared her and she realized she didn't want him touching her. Maybe she shouldn't have let that human go. Leoben looked into her eyes and said something about pupil response and that she was growing that her breast was slightly bigger in mass than it had been. She froze as he thumbed her nipple over her shirt. His eyes glittered knowingly and he offered her a mirthless grin.

"I will get one of the female models to come get you appropriate clothing for an adult." She saw him narrow his eyes at her and she hoped he wasn't going to touch her any more and he seemed to know it. He pinched her one last time before he left and she felt a deep simmering anger where there had been none before.

* * *

… 

Kara was whistling. Starbuck was rolling her eyes. She couldn't suppress her mood. She was bigger than a house and was only going to get bigger but something very important had taken place and though it should scare the hell out of her, it doesn't and though she blames it on the ladles of hormones floating through her veins, she just can't stuff it down.

One of her pilots snaps to as she passes and instead of her standard grunt she returns it meeting Kat's eyes and smiling while she does it. Kat's perplexed and somewhat fearful look is reward enough and she tries hard not to pee her pants laughing, she picks up the pace to her office to get the documents that will set them all free.

…

"...so that means that given the proper channels and appropriate transfers that the Fraternization Regulations have been revoked and retired…."

She watches the ready room as they all look at each other for the first time after it's not illegal to be touching a fellow pilot. She sneaks an extra meaningful glance at Kat who was sitting still staring at Starbuck with her mouth open and Hotdog, her constant sidekick was gripping her hand and squealing like a girl.

"Kiss that girl before someone falls in to her open mouth on accident Lt. Costanza."

She is rewarded with a blush deeper than Lee has ever been able to accomplish and she laughs.

"You can't keep things from God kids."

The laughter broke out and chanting for the kiss began. She sent out the squad and had mercifully left the two young pilots off of the roster today.

She gets a kick and a pinch internally from the troops. They agree with the sentiment of the crew evidently.

* * *

… 

Lee is standing on Colonial One feeling blue, not down per se but actually blue like he isn't getting enough air. He loosens his collar, not wearing just tanks and sweats was suddenly very constricting. The tremors only happen intermittently and typically require exertion of some sort. He wondered how the pilots were taking the Frat Reg lift and smiles knowing he would have been in absolute shock, were he still wearing his wings.

The president wasn't going to be with them much longer and he had convinced her to move to Galactica to be near Cottle and he supposed his father. He had no idea what the story was with the old man and Laura but he had seen too many knowing looks between them to think that this was going to be a quiet, painless death. His father would grieve for a friend and ally and maybe more. He knew from experience that he would want to have had those last possible moments with his mother had he known he would lose her. So he thinks perhaps William was not overly angered by his assumption.

It also kept her from trying to help him. Lee doesn't really want the office. In fact he longs to go back to the squadron and fly. But he knows there is nothing for it. Laura would lose what little time she has left if he let her try to help him. And then there was the prophet stuff. It creeps him out. She had started spouting things, random thoughts really when she would get overly tired or the kamala hit her just right.

It wouldn't be so bad, but they weren't truly random.

His shaky health was a jealously guarded secret. He refused medication that would take the edge off of his mental withdraw. 28 days that was the adage. He refused anything he couldn't come by naturally. He knew it was stubborn but he wanted his body free of all possible pollutants. His diet had changed only slightly due to rationing but he even went as far to avoid artificial coloring. He figured better safe than sorry.

He had instituted the frat reg removal from the presidential office signing Laura's name. She had called and told him not to make the L so pretty next time. He had instituted a new jump coordinate plan that would move Colonial One separately and play catch up with the fleet as they made forward motion toward the Lagoon Nebula. They had no way of knowing how long it would take but the extra jumps, for safety purposes, would buy them time if they were tracking him some how (his biggest fear). Though he had heard some one mutter paranoia he had made the point with his father and it would be used until they determined that Lee wasn't being tracked. The figures were done and withheld until before execution. It had required the chief to come beef up their FTL, but it had been in need of an overhaul.

There was a subtle and secret transfer of personnel from Colonial One to the rest the fleet and military personal subbed in. It was a skeleton crew and Lee had been surprised at the marines who had volunteered for possible suicide duty. Corporal Venner had showed up and Lee had nearly hugged him. He noticed a strange glint in the bigger mans eyes and wondered if Laura had spouted some religious purpose to motivate the poor guy.

The masses seemed to be ok with the military shift. After the things they went through with the Pegasus situation he was pretty sure he knew why. They were terrified they would be left defenseless and lost. He had heard whispers of other things as well, about Starbuck about him and he wondered how dangerous a game Laura had started with the prophet thing.

He had started praying, mostly for his babies and Starbuck, though he doubted even the possibility of the Gods existence, he figured it wouldn't hurt anything.

He was forced to endure sessions with the Galactica counselor. They proved annoying. His issues with his dad were the last ones he thinks are relevant and yet the doctor seemed fixated on them. It seemed archaic and uninformed but he tolerated them on the off chance he got to see Helo or Kara in passing even if the later cost him a trip to Cottle.

He still couldn't bear being near Kara. It was physically painful to try. His heart was full of her, his mind dwelled on her, and his body revolted at her presence. He would tremble and sometimes seize when she was close. It was like her presence released a chemical or current or something. The whole thing left him empty, heavy and airless. He felt blue.

* * *

Chapter 15

"_You are crazy…" She tried not to laugh at the way his voice cracked. She knew he was the same age as her. Even though he was a couple levels ahead of her in the academy because of early entrance facilitated by his studious, overbearing, uptight personality she was sure. "They won't let first years room with upperclassmen, especially coed." _

_She had suggested it because he was the first person she had met that blushed so well at her antics. She knew he was safe as well, her sense of these things was almost always perfect. She really wished that clinging to the first person she had met wasn't a sign that she was needy or something. He eyed her and she tried not to stand straighter. It annoyed her that this little pipsqueak could make her nervous, so she did the only thing she could do. She embarrassed him as thoroughly as she could. _

"_But if you room with me, all the other guys will think you're getting some." She watched the red come up out of his collar and find its way to the tips of his ears. The military cut did him no favors she could see it in his hair as well. She watched his jaw set and tried very hard not to laugh. He turned to her and his freckled open look suddenly closed and his eyes narrowed._

"_What makes you think I'm not 'getting some' anyway?" She met his gaze and saw the steel and also the incredible determination. She swallowed wishing she could take it back, because hell just because he was 5'3", roughly one hundred pounds and had been wearing a look like a deer in the headlights of a car, the look he was wearing now indicated that if he put his mind to it, 'getting some' wouldn't be a problem for him. She kept his gaze, out of pride, not spite and was incredibly thankful when he burst into laughter bumping shoulders with her and taking her back pack where she had let it slip to the ground. "c'mon I'll help you find a room farthest from the bathroom, they are quieter."_

"_I don't like quiet." _

"_I should have guessed that…ok well I know just the place for you but it will be quite a walk, hopefully we can beat the slacker 2nd years and sneak you in." He grinned and she could feel the naughtiness. She was surprised and intrigued._

_They were making their way across the lawn when she heard a sound that made her skin crawl. She wanted to run but it was too late. The sound of her mother's old piece of shit car was unmistakable and the squeal of the breaks as she pulled up next to where they were walking made her hair feel like it was standing on end. She heard the yelling before the car door even closed. She chanced a glance at Cadet Adama and he looked at her quizzically, and then his face changed._

"_You worthless little whore, how dare you sneak out like that?" She was in rare form, Kara thought bitterly, spitting drunk at 0900. She sighed and tried not to die on the spot. Karen advanced on them and she took her bag back from Adama._

"_You might wanna leave, cadet." He nodded and stepped back._

"_I raised you, fed you, put clothes on your worthless back and you, You run out on me? Just like your old man…Gods I won't go through it again…" She was now in Kara's face, and Kara was pretty sure she could tell what year the whiskey she had been drinking was produced. _

"_Don't do this here Karen, its over." She is tired, tired of this and she is going to walk away this time, before the hitting starts, before she feels like she needs to hit back. _

_Karen Thrace is a bigger woman, 5'9" and nearly 180 pounds. She had easily 75 pounds on her daughter and even more on Adama, who was still hovering quietly behind Kara. The woman grimaced angrily as Kara went to turn away and to the shock of the boy next to her grabbed a handful of Kara's straw colored mane and dragged her back. Kara felt the tears of pain and felt her control snap but she was helpless as Karen pulled hard enough to dislodge several small clumps from her scalp._

"_I suggest you let go of her Ma'am." She heard his words and hoped he was smarter than that, hoped she hadn't heard him right._

"_Frak you, pretty boy this is between me and my daughter." The drunken sneer dismissed him out of hand._

_She tried not to cry out at the violent jerk Karen gave her hair. She then felt him beside, or behind her rather. She felt him reach down, thread his arm around hers and take her hand and press his back against hers where she was facing away from her mother, stepping between them. Her backward flail came to an abrupt stop. She knew without seeing him he was bracing her with his body and grabbing her mother's wrist with his other hand._

_Kara had no idea what he did. She only knew her mother slowly let go of her hair with a labored exhale of breath. She pulled away as it released, a little too quickly, leaving several strands hanging from Karen Thrace's fingers. Cadet Adama was staring her mother down his fingers wrapped around her wrist. His shoulders were impossibly set along with his jaw and it would have been funny if she hadn't recognized the murder in his eyes. His anger was the most amazingly beautiful thing she had ever seen and for a moment she was sure she loved him._

_Her mother looked scared. Kara had only ever seen the expression she was wearing now one other time and she didn't realize, at this moment, that she had been the one who put it there. _

"_You need to leave, or I will call the MP's and turn you in." His voice was absolute iron. His hand was still gripping hers as she stood behind him looking over his shoulder at her mothers shocked face. It was like the bond that their hands was making was giving him strength and he gripped her painfully, his fingers threaded through hers smashing their hands into one lump of flesh. His slight body had been pulled up to its maximum height and width, which was deceptively larger than she thought he really was, she willed him all her support and she felt bigger too. Karen looked at her and she met the woman's gaze for once, without thinking about what that could mean. _

_Karen Thrace was looking at them, her gaze shifting back and forth between the dark eyes and the light ones. The set jaws, the squared shoulders and the sudden combined presence echoed in her inebriated expression. She muttered some obscure religious ward and her face crumbled._

"_Let go of me" The drunken sob that emitted from her mother made her heart jerk violently. For a fraction of a second she felt sorry for Karen Thrace as Cadet Adama squeezed slightly and her mother's drunken face paled._

"_I will, but this will NOT happen again. You will NEVER touch your daughter this way again, If I so much as see her with a hangnail I will turn you into the board and, he looked at the old military issue jacket she was wearing and grimaced, I will make sure it goes into whatever record we have on you military or civilian." He let go suddenly and she stumbled backwards. His posture didn't change. _

_Kara had a feeling her mother was inclined to salute and nearly laughed as the woman stood awkwardly for a second before giving her one last broken look, an appeal really, that dragged at Kara's heart strings for a moment and then she was weaving back to her car._

_Kara wanted to leave but Cadet Adama stood and watched her mother drive away as if making sure it was over. His fingers released hers as soon as they could no longer see the car. By then he was shaking. He did turn back to her then and she watched as the steel cascaded off of him and he seemed smaller again. They didn't talk and she carried her own bag. When he got her to the dorm she was tempted to tell him she could take it from there but he got her settled and as she found a place she liked, without a roommate yet, so she got dibs on most things, he hovered._

"_Thank you for all your help." She meant it for more than she could say._

"_I didn't do anything I wouldn't do for a friend." He smiled and she misread it as pity._

"_I didn't need you back there." Her eyes felt like they could come free of her face they were so indignant._

"_No, you didn't but you might need me now?" He suddenly wasn't meeting her eyes, his gaze somewhere to the right of her head. He moved towards her reaching for her face and she shifted, angry and dangerous and he didn't see it. He was about to touch her and she couldn't take the assumption so she cranked him with a right cross in the jaw. It knocked him on his ass. He sat spitting out blood and raised his wounded, patient eyes to her. _

"_You have blood in your hair, Cadet, I was going to see if you needed stitches…I guess I should have said something first." She felt about three inches tall. She kneeled to see if his jaw looked as bad as she was sure her knuckles would. He was moving it gingerly and pressing his fingers to it. He sighed and met her eyes. _

"_Remind me to never sneak up on you…" His smile made her let out the breath she had been holding. His eyes were so damn blue._

"_How did you get her to let go of my hair?" she whispered finally._

"…_Had my thumb on her pressure point, the one on the base of the wrist." He dismissed it then and accepted her hand as she helped him up._

"_Call me Kara…"_

"_Kara, 'names Lee…" He grinned and she saw her future in his eyes._

_When his roommate flunked out mid term she moved into his room. He made countless jokes about 'getting some' and she smiled that he knew it was never gonna happen. What had happened with her mother had forged a bond that was adult and above the adolescent frenzy of flesh that took place with the other kids their age. They were different and they both knew it. When her knee was blown she followed him to flight school. Together there was no record unbroken, no score unbeatable. _

* * *

… 

"I hate this…in every way I hate this." Her voice makes his ears itch painfully. He paces behind the table, trying to keep the tremors at bay. He feels his grip slipping and he looks at her and swallows.

"I don't know how much longer I can be here Starbuck." His voice has dropped to a whisper and her rant stops immediately. He hates himself, his body. He wants nothing more than to rest his head on her swollen belly and cry with her hands in his hair. But the very fact she is in the same room has his hands shaking and his hair feeling like metal spikes. 28 days my ass, it had been almost that many and not a dent in the freakish reaction to the woman who owned his heart.

"You were not meant for political office." Her denial the last one she will make this time. "You are a warrior." He sighs and feels the tremors start in his knees. He hasn't allowed her to touch him since the incident in the brig. He is aching now and doesn't realize he is swaying on his feet to try to calm the shakes working their way up his body.

He slumps into the chair across from her and sees the tears in her eyes.

"God Apollo please help us." Her whisper is soft and he isn't meant to hear it, he realizes it suddenly, it wasn't meant for him, it isn't his name. He meets her eyes and sees the strength he has always relied on. He closes his eyes as the seizure starts, hoping that he doesn't scream this time.

He feels warm hands on him. Warm, strong hands as he jerks against them her voice is close and full of tears and he strains to hear it. He can't see at all, his eyes aren't his at the moment. The rush in his ears is being over come by words next to his ear and he can feel the press of something warm and wet against his cheek. He is rocking violently against it and starts to panic thinking he will hurt or break whatever it is. His jaw is so painfully clenched he is glad his tongue hasn't moved. The spasm is headed toward blackout, he knows this from experience and he fights it trying to remember his body, trying to reconnect with it before it goes away. He focuses on his fingers first and feels that they are being intertwined with hers. It gives him hope and he memorizes the feel and heat of her hands, hoping he isn't breaking her fingers. The clench starts to ease off slightly and he wonders if he will be able to avoid the drooling black out when he suddenly can hear what she is saying. Or singing rather.

"…When the sunbursts from you side…with my hands, I'll reach to you…" The tears are obscuring it slightly but the feeling it evokes calms him as he pictures them wrapped innocently around each other in his blue sheets, in a long ago place, in the only place and moment in time, that was ever theirs, all other stolen moments were on borrowed time and he knew it.

He stills in her arms and she kisses his tears away, not caring about the marines who had appeared concerned and lurking at the edges of the room. She looks up and demands water and a towel and the closest one disappears. He can hear the relief in her voice as he meets her eyes.

"I know I should have left, would it have stopped?" Her question is valid.

"I thought so but …" His jaw is aching from the force of his clenching and he rubs it looking up at her wounded and patient. "I have never had it quit while you were still around before so maybe we have made progress." His voice reflects his exhaustion.

Suddenly he realizes he had been thrashing about. They are on the floor and he wonders how she got her ponderous belly down there and tried not to laugh at how she was going have to get it back up. He then realizes she is still holding his hand. He looks at it like it is something alien. She follows his gaze and smiles suddenly squeezing him.

"Thank you Apollo."

"You talking to yourself?" His whisper had made her smile.

"You know better …" He leans up and kisses her tentatively, as if she may vanish suddenly. An echoing tremor passes through him. He stands shakily accepting the water and towel that Corporal Venner has produced. Leaning on the man slightly he offers his hand to Starbuck, the beached whale, (her words for her body in its 7th month of this condition he was guiltily happy to have inflicted on her) and together they pull her to her feet.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" His tone bespoke his fear and pain.

"No but the natives are restless ..." She cracks back at him and he sees her sigh and tilt her head to stretch her neck while running her hands over her belly. He suddenly realizes how much he has missed, all the puking, all the aches, all the cravings. It makes him want to cry. He wants to ease her discomfort to be her best friend and to hold her while she sleeps.

Now thanks to his infamous escapades, which were utter confabulation, he was being hailed a hero and had just been elected the President of the colonies. He isn't required to officially take office until Roslin succumbs to her illness or surrenders it to him, which could be any minute or months, it also means he may never sleep in her bed again. She is being promoted to Major, he has it from good sources, and he wouldn't ask her to leave Galactica, that is a fight he knows he can't win.

* * *

… 

_She watches as the water falls from the tap and feels the steam open the pores in her skin. It also opens the flood gates in her heart and she sighs, only the slightest reference to the anguish her soul is in. She watches the water for a little while and then satisfied that the plug is in tight and the water isn't leaking out she moves to the sink. The cold floor is shocking her feet into moving faster than she wants them to._

_Her fingers are trembling and the razor glints frighteningly in the bathroom lights. She looks at her self in the mirror. Her face is blank. Her dark eyes so deep and fathomless and ugly she thinks she must have been blind to hold on this long. She had looked up how to do this on the computer at school, while she was supposed to be studying for her current events course. She figures this is as current as she wants to be, ever. _

_The first cut, is indeed the deepest. She has to check depth and realizes she doesn't need to push too hard. _

_After 7 years of being beaten senseless by her mother she has decided it would be easier to just take matters into her own hands, since her mother had somehow not managed to kill her, she would go ahead and do it for her._

_The blade moves catching only a couple times on skin that bunches, the cut is surprisingly straight and clean. She has bought the best blades, they are made for cutting industrial materials she had sharpened them a second time before bringing them home just to be safe._

_She was so alone, she was twelve years old, and she was damn tired. Tired to the very roots of her soul. She knew that the Gods wouldn't appreciate her sacrifice, she hadn't been a model subject. She had let Tyler White feel her up, she was pretty sure that meant she would go to hell. Not that she had that much to feel-up mind you._

_She had cut too far and wonders if she will be able to hold the blade with that hand to do the other arm. The article had been right, cutting with the muscle made it much easier._

_Karen had passed out and Kara is looking at the new bruises thinking that hell couldn't be that bad. Not unless it was full of mothers who beat you and tell you how worthless you are with every breath they draw._

_Her fingers stop in the movement they had started down her second arm. The blade had started to get slippery and it slid sideways. It had been painless. Like a knife through butter. But when the blade had moved sideways she cried out wincing and hoping it hadn't woke up Karen. Her hand started shaking and she swallowed having to squeeze the small piece of metal tighter to get it to straighten out and head back toward her hand. She watches it progress toward its goal having a sudden lightheaded spike that made her breathing stop. She dropped the blade in the sink. _

_The tub was steaming hot and she knew she needed to get in, but the walk from the sink was proving problematic. She fell two steps from the sink. Her arms on fire with pain now and her warm life blood spilling all around her. She watches it drip on to the floor each drop sounding like a thunder clap to her befuddled brain. She watches as it pools and each successive drop causes a ripple and a splash. She sees her breath cause the ceramic tile next to her face fog over and clear. She closes her eyes and time stops._

"_Huntress, you must be strong. The events are already in motion, if you stop now the knight will die for nothing. There will be no way for him to triumph. There will be nothing for him to fight for."_

"_What do you want from me?" She cries to the voice that is suddenly speaking to her, the soft, familiar voice that she wanted to crawl inside of and just fall asleep._

"_Your strength, I need your strength. He needs it."_

"_I am not strong, don't you see that?'_

"_It's you who does not see." Ironically, she doesn't get images, she gets feelings. The thoughts that enter her head are basic, fantastic feelings that she had never experienced once in her whole twelve years_

_Fierce longing, and undeniable hunger, painful attraction, incredible protectiveness, absolute devotion, guilt, desire, aching desire, uncompromising loyalty, loud and brash happiness, gentle sorrow, warm safety and lastly the one that makes her fight, complete and utter trust. For some reason the idea of true blue seems tangible, as if it was a simple as a color, suddenly and she wants to know it. She wants to earn it. She wants to give it. It draws her back and time hiccups and restarts. _

_Karen Thrace is screaming and her anger is only clouded by fear, not erased. Kara has a moment of joy at the slight indication of regard. But her drunk mother doesn't know what to do and Kara has to tell her._

"_Call emergency Karen, I made a mistake…."_

* * *

… 

She watched the viper land in the hold, smiling. Helo looked at her trying not to laugh at the smug look on her face.

"Presidential, wings?"

"You betcha. I am sure the chief thinks I am crazy what with it being the best bird in the barn, but I just can't keep her on Galactica when her jockey is stuck here. It just isn't right or proper."

"Since when have the words right or proper decided to be a part of your sordid vocabulary 'buck?"

"Since the fates decided to take Apollo from the sky." He had been hoping for a smart ass remark and he feels the pain in her words like a slap in the face. He shared her sentiment though. But he was smart enough not to acknowledge the idea of sentiment in any way.

Kat popped out from under the canopy nearly bursting out of it actually, her look was orgasmic.

"Why the FRAK don't we all get vipers like this one? Oh my GODS it's like sex with wings." Her face was indeed flushed and Kara had a spike of jealousy that she had been unable to fly the viper here herself. She ran her hands down the nose cone of the ship and bit her lip.

"Because she was made for a God, and you Lt. are a just-outa-nugget-school, god-wanna-be." She finishes her words trailing off as she lets her hand slide down under the nose and patted it gently like she would have a horse.

She fought the urge to kiss the fuselage as they got ready to jump back on the raptor and get outa town before the big bad came down to see what they were up to. She threw the letter on the seat hoping it made it and walked away whispering to the ship, knowing it would hear her.

"Take care of him for me, Sexy."

* * *

… 

"_I just broke most of your records Adama…you owe me something." She was grinning like a loon, he could hear it._

"_In your first week, you have to be kidding…" He knows he sounds dubious._

"_Well, it wasn't all of em, and come on, now that I can't play ball, a girl has to have a dream."_

"_I don't believe you Thrace."_

"_Believe it Adama, " She started listing the records and she paused. " this one can't be right, it must be a typo. It says W. Adama Not L. Adama…"_

"_You broke the halceon circuit?"_

"_Ya, it must be a typo."_

"_It's not. That's one I couldn't break."_

"_What do you mean? It says Adama."_

"_I told you my dad is Colonel?"_

"_Ya but…"_

"_What do you think he did before that?"_

"_Oh so it's a family thing?"_

"_I guess you could say that, but I would prefer we let it drop." She obviously can't tell over the phone that he means it._

"_So you gonna be a big Commander someday too?" Her teasing tone ruffling him further._

"_Not without a gun to my head. Drop it Thrace." She could tell now, that she had pushed him and he had nearly lost it damnit. She probably thought he was a sore loser._

"_Well I should go, I'll catch you around later?" Her hopeful inflection made him wince._

"_Congratulations Kara." He meant it. He was proud of her if a little embarrassed at how easily she had displaced him in the simulators. He knew though that being in the air would be a whole new matter for her. _

"_I can't wait to get you in the air." She echoed his thoughts, as she often did._

"_You'll have to catch me first."_

"_I intend to Adama, I intend to catch you and take you down." _

"_You intend to try."_

"_Luvs, Lee Lee gotta jet!" He laughs at her over done sunshine, the way she made the words sound as ridiculous as possible and how anyone who heard her would think she was being sarcastic. She was quoting his mother and he should be offended but he knew she meant it despite her delivery. He knew._

"_You know you love me, See ya punk." His smile doesn't fade for a long time. His day dreams of flying now have two vipers instead of one. And they kick serious ass._

* * *

… 

She attempts to look down at the insignia on her collar and tries not to laugh. Helo raises his eyebrows at her, daring her to let the giggle climbing up her belly go. She winks at him and looks over the shoulder of her commanding officer, the one pinning on the other rank pin on her sash, and she has to fight not to lose it.

The soon to be inaugurated president of the colonies was crossing his dreamy blue eyes at her. He did it quickly, and it is one of those things that she isn't sure she saw correctly, but it makes her bladder send a warning spike of electricity. (If you laugh, Thrace you will pee all over the Admiral.) She looks instead at the frail ghost of a woman on Lee's arm. She is clinging to him her skeletal fingers wrapped around his arm possessively and Kara understands why she feels like she has something in common with this graceful, ethereal creature. They both love that man.

She studied Laura's face as the woman looks on, her face proud and happy and not a little tired. Kara is struck that this was the closest she has ever had to a mother. Caroline Adama had been a decent borrowed mom, but there is a bond between a mother and her boys that no woman can touch, and as much as Caroline wanted to be Kara's she had always been Lee's and Zak's though she seemed to be more indulgent of Zak, Kara had always suspected her attachment to Lee was different, stronger. Lee seems to evoke a protective urge in the female population in general, Kara is suddenly smug that she has always had a place in his coveted heart, from the very minute they met. Laura has been to her first and foremost a superior, and then a fellow woman, and then someone who shares her belief in the Gods even when no one else seemed to.

She had accepted Kara, Starbuck and all the things that came with that package, even though she had never been required to. Kara is sad that they are going to lose her. She selfishly wants her to be there when she has the babies, to see her, the closest thing she has to a mother, hold her children and to feel love from someone who owes her nothing.

The fumbling at her shoulder stops and she is looking into the eldest Adama's eyes, here is the juxtaposition of Caroline Adama. She may not be his daughter by blood but she is by love and he considered her 'Daddy's girl' and made no apologies for it. His rough strong hand cups her face, here in front of the whole ship. His other hand between them where no else could see, rests on her belly for a minute and she sees his eyes tear up.

"Congratulations , Major Thrace." His hand let her go and she feels a little woozy at the sudden lack of pressure and the shock of cool air. Tigh clears his throat and offers his hand looking chagrined and she feels for him for a split second. She is sure this is his worst nightmare. She is sure he was counting on Lee being in this spot not her. She bit back the cocky grin, just for him, just this one time. Shaking his offered hand and wondering at the pounding in her ears. His pale skin blanches further as he takes her hand and she thinks that he is a bastard if it sucks that bad to touch her. But then her head swims and she hears his voice.

"She is ice cold! Get a medic." Its panic stricken and she wants to laugh at him, acting like he cares.

Frak! Leave it to her body to decide to go all weak and shit when she is shaking his hand, no couldn't do it a few minutes ago, couldn't wait for the president, nope. She counts the beats of her heart as her head spins and the lights fade. She thinks of the insignia on her collar and laughs, because it just figures.

* * *

…

Chapter 16

_The house is warm and late morning sun easing through the many windows made all of Caroline Adama's warm hued things seem like they were all comprised of gold. The house Lee had grown up in welcomed him with open arms, smelling of sandalwood, oranges and leather, the blond at his side nearly buzzing with excitement to see it again._

"_I love coming here." He shared her sentiment._

"_There's Zaky," Lee pointed out seeing him coming down the street, his lead foot making the trip around the quiet neighborhood corner seem like a chase scene. Lee smiled and watched his best friend burst from the house to greet her lover._

_Lee shuffled slightly watching Zak kiss Kara. It was not nearly as awkward as he had anticipated. Zak was his other half; he was the bright side of Lee. He was the irrepressible Adama, the one who spouted beautiful, strange and life affirming things at random. He was the darling, the baby, the entertainer. He had voice like a saxophone it made you feel its brass and it tickled your ears but it also made a soulful appeal to your senses, it was impossible to ignore._

_Zak's dark hair was thick and curled slightly like their fathers. He had a deep complexion that made him look frivolous like he spent a lot of time lounging in the sun. His eyes were dark as well, expressive. He couldn't hide a single thought or emotion that crossed his face. Lee suspected it was part of why it was so easy to love him. You always knew where you stood. Lee knew that was part of why Kara loved him. It was a blessing for her to never have to guess. He understood it even if he regretted not being the open book she seemed to need._

_They were friends first and always, 10 years invested and time served, he would never forget the day they met. Never mind that fact his mother was watching him watch them, tilting her head appearing thoughtfully uncomfortable. He knew she would ask later. He really wasn't worried about it, if Lee 'Apollo' Adama wanted to keep a secret, he could. This one he planned on taking to his grave. _

_He knew Kara would thank him when they reported to Elysium for their second set of wings. He never questioned that where ever they ended up, with whoever they ended up with, that they would be together, in the end, all three of them._

_His mother handed him a basket with bread in it and pointed at the table. He looked at her and she gave him that worried look, the one that was his alone. The one that he had figured out in his 25 years meant she was trying to get into his head. _

_He swung the basket at her playfully laughing as she scolded him not to drop the bread. Putting it on the table, he began straightening the silverware on the napkins lining it up perfectly and then he went to Zak's place, where his brother always sat and he grabbed the plate and looked at his mom who was watching him, while the love birds were doing their kissy-face thing and grinned. She shook her head knowing her boy. He gave her an angelic smile and lifted the plate to his face and pressed it quick and dropped it back down to the table the shiny surface marred with a greasy likeness of his face. He looked at his mom who was trying not to laugh and shaking her head._

"_You boys will never grow up…"_

_He moved back to his mother wrapping his arms around her and smashing the same face all over hers making her giggle and smack him with the wooden spoon she had been getting ready to put in the stuffing. She smelled of the cinnamon, nutmeg and starch. He touched her blond hair and let her mess with his short locks._

"_Your hair had darkened a lot in the last couple years." She was frowning. (So had his heart.)_

_For some reason that comment resonated in him. He had the strange urge to ask her if Zak's had gotten lighter but instead he nodded and stuck his finger in the gravy. She slapped his hand as he pulled it back and he grinned licking his finger._

"_Needs more pepper…"_

"_Get out Lee Lee, I am cooking this meal, not you." She grinned and handed him the pepper. He studiously added some and re-fingered it._

"_It's gonna be finger flavored…" He grinned at her, the sudden naughtiness unmistakable. He wiggled his gravy soaked finger at her. She shook her head and raised a prohibitive eyebrow._

_The gravy finger hit her nose quickly and her grabbed his little mother by the waist and tickled her senseless as the two others joined them._

"_What are you doing to my girl?""_

"_Not, yours, mine."_

_The game was an old one, my mommy no, my mommy. They had played it countless times._

_Zak advanced to help the tickling as Lee warned him off. "Stay back, she's all mine!" His grin was inviting anyway. _

"_My mommy! " Zak crowed and Lee laughed and as he 'stole' the mom, embracing her in his oh so Zak way, Lee was struck for a moment._

"_Hey why do you get both girls?" It came out funny but he attacked the standing there looking left out Kara, just the same and no one seemed to notice. Her gales of laughter rang through the rooms and Lee felt as if eternity had opened up and let him have everyone one he loved in one place at this very moment and he closed the gap, half dragging half lifting and still tickling, between his victim and Zak's hugging them all breathless._

_He saw her back stiffen when Caroline touched her. He felt a spike of pain, sadness and understanding welled up. Her fingers gripped his suddenly and he squeezed back. He watched her marshal the response and he knew his mother hadn't noticed. He watched Zak wrap himself around them forcing them together. He saw Zak's look of total bliss with his two best girls in his arms. Lee was close, but Zak's arms weren't big enough for all of them. He saw Kara's smile plastered somewhat crooked and her eyes were just a little glassy. He knew she was trying to seem nonchalant but she nearly bounced away when the contact was broken rubbing her arms as if cold. Her smile had taken on that nervous animal look that he was surprised no one else ever noticed._

"_Mom, you have gravy on your nose!" Lee glanced as Zak wiped it off with her apron chuckling. She grabbed his face and did the same thing she had done to Lee earlier, looked at him and messed with his hair making a comment Lee didn't hear._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push, I was just so happy to have you both so close." He wanted her to understand he hadn't meant for that to happen. He needed her to know._

"_It was ok," she wasn't looking at him. He put his hand on her arm. She met his eyes. "You were there with me, so it was ok." The slight emphasis on the word you let him know it wasn't plural at all. That she knew, that it was between them, that all he counted on was safe. His brother could have her in every other way. He was her strength and she was his. _

"_Lee go wash up while we set the tables, I saw you licking your fingers…" He grinned and took off without a second thought. He knew an order from a superior officer when he heard it._

_When he came back they were getting ready to sit down and as he stood at the end of the table, his place, (dad's place) he looked down and burst out laughing. _

_On the surface of the cobalt blue china he could make out two distinct face prints. They were profiles and they looked like they were kissing. It was a three man job, he knew and when he looked up their laughter filled his soul with sparkling happiness so completely he figured if this was an indication of how his life would be after his brother and best friend got married, then he would be as close to happy as he ever deserved to be._

* * *

… 

Blood sugar. Stupid thing really. But he should have been able to see that she was pale, that her breathing was different. That she had been behaving erratically.

"There was no way you could have known, Apollo" Helo was stretched leisurely on the chairs outside of the med core. Lee was pacing. "She is ok, Doc said so…"

"It's just…" His blue eyes were wide and Helo stood and looked down at the smaller man.

"I know." He put a hand on Lee's shoulder and squeezed.

"She is so big, and in so much discomfort, and I feel so bad." Helo nodded. "I did that to her…"

"She did have a hand in it I believe, well considering it's Starbuck we are talking about make that two." Helo watched him shift fight and it for a second and then he smiled.

"I want to take her to Colonial One with me." The thought blurted out, silly and useless. Cottle was here, her home was here. He couldn't help her any more than anyone here could. He just had the desire to take care of her to treat her like a pet for a while, to spoil her rotten, like she had never been spoiled in her whole life.

Helo ignored his remark. He evidently knew where it was coming from and he sighed pulling a sucker from his pocket and began unwrapping it. Lee watched him, focused on the crinkle of the paper.

He pointed the sucker at him and raised his eyebrows questioningly. Lee shook his head, both in decline and in absolute amazement that he could ever have disliked this man. Helo had just offered him a sucker, the man's one weakness and he had offered it to him. That bespoke a selflessness that made Lee feel like a big baby, with all his issues.

Col. Tigh turned the corner and seeing them there he tried to unruffled himself. Lee looked at him thoughtfully. This one could be another that his judgment had been slightly off on. He had seen the panic on Saul's face when he had taken Kara's hand just before she fainted. He had been surprised that the man hadn't laughed. Now he was standing there looking strangely disturbed and Lee half expected him to spout something about him not being fit to be president.

"How is she Lee?" Well, wonders evidently never cease.

"They are checking everything but it was a just a fainting spell, low blood sugar, and poor circulation, its going to be an ongoing problem, this late in the game, with twins she just doesn't have much room."

He nodded, looked uncomfortable and then stuck out his hand.

"Congratulations on Office, I know it's not official yet but…"

"Thank you Col." He shook the man's hand awkwardly, surprised by the slight tremor and crushing grip. "Listen…" He glanced at Helo and then swallowed and looked into Lee's eyes. " I never thought that letting you and that hellion be so close and inappropriate was proper for the uniform but …" He set his jaw as Lee raised both his eyebrows dangerously at the comment but waited for him to continue. "I can't think of anything that I would like to see more than those babies born healthy and safe. Don't let her screw this up, it would kill the old man." He bustled off leaving Lee looking at his open empty hand.

He heard Helo snort and he looked up grinning. They shook their heads in unison.

"She is gonna love that…"

"Oh I'm not telling her…you think I'm stupid?" He grinned.

"Aww c'mon 'Pollo it would be fun, she can't catch you if you run." Lee's eyebrows quirked up in the middle as he laughed, with the look of slight surprise that he always got when Helo was funny or suggesting something that would get him killed.

"Ok, is the standup routine over? "Major Cottle eyed them and continued without waiting for them catch up. "She will need to double her rations it will be hard, she has no room for the extra food so she is going to have to eat twice as often." Lee listened and nodded. "She needs to drink every time she eats fluids are just as important, as you well know." Lee shifted, he knew, he had been forced to drink obscene amounts recently. "That's going to make her cranky. "

Lee knew why.

"I have doubled her dose of anti-diuretics. She is getting dehydrated and as much as water retention is painful and makes for swollen everything its better than the alternative. She will need supervision."

"Wait, Sir, Who is supposed to do this?"

"I assume, the father of her children?" His gaze was heavy with implications.

"Um, well, that's problematic." He hated that it came out so…well he felt like a bastard.

"Not, my problem, I will send my recommendations to the Admiral, if the president-elect feels he doesn't have the authority to take this 'situation' in hand." Lee felt his spine snap into line suddenly at the not-so-veiled insult.

"She will be moved to Colonial One. You will be on call. She will need you to come to her." The major blinked at him, unimpressed, but he nodded. He looked at Helo and back at Lee before leaving. Lee could swear he saw a smirk on the major's face as he left.

"Frak, she is going to kill me…" He scrubbed his hand over his jaw.

"Suggestion?" Helo asked.

"What?"

"Get the orders from the old man, put em on her bed and run." He watched Helo break up laughing and wished it was going to be that funny. He may just do it, just like that.

He was also worried about how much danger it could potentially put her in, especially if he was being tracked.

* * *

… 

He ducked as the cup hit the wall next to his head. He grimaced and tried not to give into the anger pooling, with the pain in his mouth.

"I gave you an order Major." He knew it was the worst possible way to handle it. He knew she would hate him for it. He knew he would get his way. It was in the papers she was shaking at him. It was in everything Cottle had told her. It was in her eyes.

"Who do you think you are?"

"Your Political representative, your sperm donor and your best friend. If you think I won't stoop so low as to get my father involved in this you're wrong." He played it cool for a second this could get ugly if she tried to call his bluff.

"Your father would never force me to go with you." He sighed, now it was on.

"I already talked to him." He watched her face, it was many things at once it settled on betrayed and he knew that feeling. He noticed as she unconsciously ran her hand over her belly and swallowed.

"He agreed with this stupid idea?"

"Kara someone has to take care of you, you can barely walk at this point. Listen I know it is assuming a lot that you would want it to be me. I understand that especially with my condition as of late you may not trust me…." He tried not to sound as if those last few words were tearing his heart out.

She looked down and he knew he needed to look away because she was swallowing and that meant tears. He couldn't though, he had called her on the one thing she swore to never deny him. He was playing dirty by his standards, not by hers but definitely by his. He had gone over her head to his father, he had pulled rank in a fashion, and he had just now implied she didn't trust him. The last was the worst it was a slap in the face. Even in their worst fights even when he had threatened to take her baby from her, he would have trusted her with his life. She knew it. He braced for the back lash as he waited for her to realize he was pushing that button on purpose.

But in all honesty he wondered if it would be too much for him. He still suffered tremors when she touched him and though he could work through them his dreams had begun to make up for his body letting it go. He was dreaming of being with her but the her in his dreams always changed to something that hurt him something hot and bright and it burned him, he would wake sweating and all of his skin on fire. Sometimes the pain was malevolent and others it seemed he was supposed to be exposed to it, it was a resigned feeling. Always he was scared, and much too small not to be consumed. He shoved those thoughts down and told himself, for her, for his children he would do what it took even if that meant sleeping in half hour shifts to avoid the dreams and taking the meds that Cottle kept trying to push on him for the tremors.

"I trust you…" She whispered. And he realized just how long it had taken her to respond, that she had worked through the knee jerk anger before answering and he thought maybe, just maybe this was going to work. "But I don't want you to think that getting all cozy is going to fix whatever this is" She motioned between them vaguely and he knew exactly what she meant.

* * *

… 

The cylons have impeccable timing.

The next time they attack is the day Laura Roslin dies.

Lee has spoiled her rotten. He had told her that it might be dangerous to come to Colonial One as they still weren't sure if it or he wasn't being tracked. She had pointed out that they all had a chance of that, just to get his eyebrows to come apart from where they were fused together in the middle of his head. And if he was going to be President he needed to realize danger could come from within as well as without.

He has taken up Helo's foot massage post, and he had smaller, more energetic hands. His panic attacks or tremors were infrequent, and less invasive than they had been. He feeds her on a schedule every two hours. He monitors her water, he bathes her. He rubs her back and brushes her hair. He rarely sleeps at the same time she does but every once in a while she wakes up in his arms and she has to fight how right it feels.

She is eating it up, though she would never tell him. She has maintained an aloof grudgingly tolerant attitude toward him. He ignores it. She has never been one to like attention but these things seem to ease the aches and the restlessness. At times she is down right mean to him and his eyes always lose focus when she acts out, like he is shutting off. But he is always able to repeat what she screams at him so she knows his ears are still on. Even if emotionally he checks out.

She asks him why he is being so, girly. He says doing for her, is good for him. She tries, in her hormonal hell, not to cry. He blessedly pretends not to notice.

She is alone when she hears.

Starbuck stands swallowing tears. Her heart breaking her body aching and her mind numb. She has taken the call from Galactica because Lee is in a meeting. The commander himself told her. She could hear his pain. She feels guilty suddenly for being so comfortable, so pampered the last two weeks.

She takes the moment, because it's a rare one, and she sobs. Her body heaves and she feels the pain and the anguish of losing someone she will never know well enough. She also cries for Lee. He doesn't know it yet but he is now really the president and it changes everything. When she gives birth there will be a huge decision to be made. Who, where, how etc. She knows he is going to ask her to stay. But her heart is hearing Vipers and she knows if there is one thing he would understand better than anything is the need to fly and how much it hurts not to.

More than her heart is hurting. She feels a stab of pain and breathes through it. Doc had warned her that as big as she was, that pains would be normal. Spikes of pain as well. She knew it wasn't a problem unless they were spaced regularly. Frak. They had been so far apart, hours it seemed. But while she breathes through the next one she realizes how many times she had told herself that a spike of pain is normal. She pulls her sleeve up and wipes her face, she is about to interrupt a presidential meeting to tell Lee he just lost his surrogate mother and that he is now president, and oh ya I might be in labor.

She sighs as she moves ponderously toward the main cabin, leaving the cramped but comfortable quarters thy share. She looks back at the bed sadly. It is so much bigger than hers on Galactica. She would miss it. Mostly she would miss the warm body that it belonged to now, though that thought was dangerous she figured she could admit it if she never said it out loud. The Gods always teased them thus, giving the minute respite before tearing them apart, either by catastrophic events or by their own perverse natures. She stops moving for a minute gathering herself before opening the curtain.

"Lords of Kobol hear my prayer. Apollo hear me, your son needs you. He is about to take a blow to his spirit and I need your strength. I need to know you will help him, he deserves it. "She stopped feeling weird, the next spike making her knees give. She feels tears of frustration as her bad knee goes. She knew why Cottle told her to stay off her feet, and she had, mostly. But now she grabbed the curtain, and it was fisted into her grip as another spike of pain took her all the way down to the floor, tearing the curtain as she went. There was strange sensation of warmth and she realized she was dripping wet.

The hailing noise, the captains announcement, and she knows they are about to jump. The next spike of pain brings panic and she feels the drag on her sanity as she sees the lights blink and then the explosion as one of the cabin windows blow from an impact to the cabin.

"Great Goddess Artemis, hear me…I know I don't usually petition you… but your daughter needs you…my babies need you.

* * *

… 

Lee feels the spike of pressure in his head right after the impact and the panic makes him bite his lip. He is going to have a seizure, right here in front of the delegates in the middle the attack. He feels the energy spiraling up his legs like it always does, pooling in his mouth and dripping down his spine. He feels the sickening lurch and suddenly this time it's different. The energy is muted. It is rerouted from laying siege to his body and back on itself. He hears (feels) Kara call to Artemis and he _knows_.

_There is much to do and not much time, Avatar they will kill your children before they breathe if you don't move._

He looks to the blown window. It is swallowing anything that isn't attached to the decking and sucking out all the air. Shouting over the din to proceed with the jump, even though jumping with out airlock will kill them all, he fights the pull his hands shaking with electricity that should have been a seizure. He shoves the table he was standing behind on its side, fighting the pull of the vacuum with strength he didn't realize he had. He moves it over the hole with the help of the suction and shoves anything and everything he can find in the holes. People are hurt from the flying debris, the table is not going to last, he knows it is a temporary fix. He backs up against it and steels himself for the jump. He motions for the others who weren't hurt by the blast to move anything else they can find and move to help support the table and seal the holes. They move and do as he asks with looks of strange surprise and awe on their faces. He doesn't read it though he has other things on his mind. He continues to issue orders while moving to Kara as soon as the immediate danger is gone.

She is in full blown labor, he knows it instinctively. He curses himself for not seeing it sooner. She had been wincing all morning on and off. If he had been smart he would have timed her facial tics. Damn her for being so incredibly strong, she probably hadn't even realized what the pain was. She is just a smidge over two weeks early.

His hands are still buzzing and his head is full of flashing pain but he moves through it. He takes her hand and her fear and pain meet him in her grip. He moves her, propping her back up on a cushion from a chair that no longer exists thanks to the suction. He knows the crew is scrambling to repair the damage and help the wounded delegates. He meets Kara's eyes.

"We can do this."

"Oh my gods Lee, I am so scared, this isn't right it's too early, it hurts, and you don't know how to do this. Oh Artemis help us…" Her fear has her eyes rolling and she gets the urge to bare down on the next contraction and he sees it. She cries out, the pain and the instinct clashing, her grip loosens and he sees he is losing her. She is almost in a full blown panic.

"Starbuck, we can do this." He forcefully threads his fingers through hers and grabs her face with his free hand bringing her forehead to his. "Trust me Kara."

He feels her let go suddenly, she meets his eyes, hyperventilating but seeing him.

"I do." He swallows, and let go of her face.

"Breathe in until you can't anymore then let it out." She starts to pant. "'Buck! Big breath, here, your body needs air." He watches as she follows the directions. Satisfied he tells her big breaths between contractions, little ones during. She blinks. He sees her start panting.

"No baby, big, breaths, body needs air, then short ones when the contraction hits, its like breathing through the pain when you run." She blinks again but this time it registers and the connection with the physical exertion of running soaks in makes sense to her.

He splays her knees somewhat thankful that she is so distracted because he would be getting an ass kicking for doing this in the middle of a room full of panic-y people trying to triage wounded and perform repairs on the blasted out window. He motions Venner over when he sees the man staring at him, standing apart from the group working on the window.

"Water? Towels? Please …" the man looks at him and salutes and leaves. Lee doesn't have time to think about that.

"FRAK, Apollo, Lee, whoever the frak you are, I am going to kill you for this…" it causes him to grin and she sees it and her anger takes the edge off her pain for second.

"Ok baby, I am going to see if I can feel if you are crowning" (he wasn't sure where that word came from but he was pretty sure he knew what it meant) He inserts his fingers into her body feeling for the edges of her cervix nearly laughing that this is only the second occasion that he has ever touched this part of her with any part of his body. Her eyes widen and she looks like she is going to rip his arm off. He meets her eyes and swallows.

"I feel a head, I am fairly certain it's a head," He brushes over the rounded surface carefully. "Yep whoever it is, is ready to get the frak out …" She is looking at him like he is all drugged out again.

He is still feeling sparks of energy in his hips and hands. The calm that settles over him after he realizes he isn't going to seize permeates his spirit. He has no idea why but he knows he can do this.

He lets her break his pinky finger on the next contraction, not on purpose he forgets how frakking strong his woman is. She has twisted his hand in her grip and bears down. It is an honest mistake.

She has paled and looks like she is going to puke when they hear the snap. Her eyes fill with tears and he tries to care about the pain but can't

"I love you." He speaks through clenched teeth.

She starts to cry but the next contraction stops the tears of sorry and galvanizes her with pain. They keep her breathing, she is pushing like the fighter she is and the call goes out for Cottle about the same time Lee can feel the first little head pull free of her. She exhales as its little chin comes into his hand. She sags and he presses his broken hand against her cheek.

"'Buck, stay with me, shoulders next baby." She grimaces and clenches her teeth as the next wave hits her. The little thing slides into his hands and he is shocked for a moment. He looks at Kara her hair plastered to her bruised face, her beautiful lips red and angry from her biting on them. He looks back down at the child in his hands, small almost blue and not moving. _Clear the airway, and rub her down._

Lee passes his hand over his little girls face and does something that makes Corporal Venner blanch.

He covers the infant's mouth and nose with his own mouth and sucks to clear her airway and turns and spits, he then takes a towel from Venner's shaking hands and rubs her down and then wraps her tight in a clean one as she starts hiccupping he smiles and brushes his fingers over her head. He pats around in his pockets and produces a pen knife he pulls his grand father's lighter out and sterilizes the blade with the flame for a minute.

"When did your dad let you have that again? "He realizes she is watching him. He smiles at her.

"When I told him I was in love with his little girl and I wanted to be a good daddy."

She looks confused. He laughs.

"He told me that I needed to learn how to roll cigars in that case, and that I would need this for all those times I did things that would piss you off. And that a little luck wouldn't hurt."

"Don't underestimate the power of a good cigar, and a man to light it for ya." She smiles an exhausted smile and her eyes drift closed

He cut the cord, and heated the blade again to seal the end. His little one starts crying then and he feels as if his heart will explode.

"Our little girl…you did good Kara. We are almost done" He tucks her completely into the towel and kisses her head. Kara is reaching toward her and Lee is just starting to lean in to let her have the baby when they are interrupted.

Kara squeaked. It is the weirdest thing Lee has ever thought he would hear. It should have been a scream or maybe a shout, but no, it is definitely a squeak.

He sees her eyes roll back as a new wave of contractions takes her and hands Venner his precious handful instead.

He leans forward and kisses Kara on the forehead wincing as she grapples for his hand again. He clenches his teeth as she pushes her fingers through his forgetting she had mangled it. He figures she owes him at least that much pain.

Her eyes keep rolling up in her head. Though her breathing seems ok, there seems to be a lot of blood, though he isn't sure what a lot is. He pushes down on her belly gently from the outside trying to locate Mr. elusive. He then waits until her eyes flew open and her labor starts back up in earnest he then felt as gently as he can trying to see if he can help cradle a head again but what he finds makes him swallow hard.

"Oh Kara, baby you need to hold up." Her eyes blaze in hatred as the next contraction hits her. "Baby I have foot this time …" His hands shook and he was suddenly praying.

"OH leave it to the boy to be difficult," she grits her teeth. She let Lee screw around a little more trying to get another foot he watches her wincing and cringing and apologizing with his eyes

"Gods I'm so sorry baby…" He is near tears watching her pain register and seeing she is about to bite through her lip.

"We are going to AHHHG" She tenses and her back goes ramrod straight as she fights the next contraction. He is able to get a toe as her body collapses back and he let out the breath he has been holding.

"…name him Lee because he such a frakking pain…" She growls and he tries hard not to smile.

"I would have to say maybe, he is pretty smart not wanting to be away from his mommy." He looks hopeful.

"Nice try, Adama…ooh" This time she pushes and Lee moves the little guy feeling his little bottom in the palm of his hand. Breathing almost as hard as Kara he waits until the next contraction before feeling around and pushing his fingers up to help the first arm out, his elbow is leading so it comes out pressed to the baby's chest like he is covering his heart. The next push delivers him completely, with no other problems and Lee is completely relieved that the cord hadn't been a problem.

He is doing the same thing for the boy as he had done with the girl Cottle is running across the war-zone where their babies have been born. It would have been funny, Lee had never seen him run but Lee has eyes only for those connected to him at the moment. Venner is still holding his little girl and Lee is putting the finishing touches on the boy before giving him up to his mother. Kara looks at the major and before she passes out she thanks him for coming in normal Starbuck fashion.

"Nice of you to show up. You better have some cigars stashed or you're getting a bill." and she is out.

Lee experiences a weird lurch as all of the weird electricity and extra strength leaves him and he tells the doctor quietly he thinks that it is a lot of blood. Cottle meets his eyes and Lee realizes he is right and it makes him sick.

"Get me more towels and that lighter I saw you with."

He threw Lee a cigar and drops to his knees. He pulls out a packet of suture and sets to work when he meets Lee's eyes again he smiles.

"Damn fine job Mr. President, she barely tore, since they were twins and early, they are smaller than a single full term birth would have been, most of this blood is from a very small fissure. I would imagine it isn't all hers." Lee looked down at his legs and sees that he has glass from the shattered window he supposes, in his knees, sticking out of his pants like he is a strange new meat cactus. He has blood everywhere and yes a lot of it now that he looks, is his.

"President elect" he corrects tiredly. Cottle eyes him and he sucks in a breath. Oh he is so not ready for this. He doesn't want to know.

He moves to Venner and ignores the man's reverent expression, and takes his little girl. Kara has the boy in her unconscious grasp, her instinct to hold him and absolute exhaustion beating out her usual need to be on her side to sleep.

He kisses the baby's head, she is tiny, and her little noggin fits in the palm of his hand without touching the broken finger that hangs askew from the others. She has peach-fuzzy blond hair covering her head, he studies her pinched little face and can't tell who she looks like, herself he imagines and kisses her again. When he looks up Kara is watching him. He meets her eyes and she smiles at him before her eyes flutter closed again. He understands, she needs to know he is awake, he is watching, so she could sleep. It isn't a new thing.

"...did you say you loved me again?" She is mumbling in her sleep and Lee freezes. "No take backs ...the count is at three." He shakes his head. Only Starbuck would keep score in her sleep.

* * *

… 

"_What do you dream about?" Her voice was heavy with sleep and he wanted to tell her to shut up and quit fighting it._

"_Not much, really at least not much I remember." He swallowed wishing his voice would quit cracking and that he would get over the fact that she was actually in his room now._

"_I dream about playing pyramid and about music and Apollo and Athena"_

_He tried not to laugh._

"_Why gods? I get the ball part, since you play"_

"_Don't you believe in the gods Lee?"_

"_Honestly, not really…"_

"_You should…" her voice is fading finally and he thinks she is giving into sleep at last, and then he can finally try to sleep. He couldn't explain what made him want wait until she was asleep before falling asleep himself, he just did. He would never forget her face when her mother had grabbed her hair all those months ago. He had never wanted to kill anyone before. He realized his mind is wandering when she speaks again and makes his heart thump hard. He is aware now, thankfully that she is asleep and that she just never shuts up._

"_The gods love you…Apollo, "he snickered that she actually spoke to Apollo in her dreams. His thoughts now are of the way he felt when he took her hand and felt her back him up while he was facing her mother. It had been electric; he had tasted it in the back of his throat. He has ached to feel that again, he knew it wasn't something kissing her would fix. It was different it was …_

"_Apollo bathed in light…shine on me" Her murmur made him smile and wait for more. He kept waiting but she never mentioned Artemis. He wondered why…_

_Her talking to Apollo in her sleep was part of the reason he ended up with the call-sign. Loose lips, get your roommate sarcastic call-signs she had joked. He had to admit, a jealous instructor, sleeping with his students and thinking he was making a point was a pretty funny way to end up with a Gods name. He guesses it could have been worse._

_The next time he felt the electricity of their connection was in a bar fight before flight school. After that, it was in the air._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 16

"_You don't believe me…"_

"_Not so much, you, madam president…"_

"_Be honest Captain, I deserve that."_

"_I think it's absolute crap. "He cocks his head at her and sighs. "But I believe in your intent. I know why. I understand faith is simply a tool"_

"_I used to feel the same way."_

"_And now?"_

_Her eyes are stormy and gray like the sky above. They are both freezing and soaked to the bone. Zarek's lap dog has been sniffing around looking a way to torque Lee off again. Lee is aware something is up with that prick but he really has no time for the pissing contests._

"_I feel sorry for you…"_

"_Me? Why?" She is the one who is dying, she is the one who would bare the brunt if his father decided to take them. He has no illusions he wouldn't be right next to her, but her neck would be first and he knew it._

"_You really don't know? Captain Apollo?" Her head tilts like it always does when she uses her pet name for him. She sighs and presses one of her long pale hands to his face and he realizes just how cold she is. He immediately gets up and produces another coat and puts it on her shoulders. "You are in for a rough ride, captain I know we have been going off of Pythia's scriptures, and there is a reason Apollo is not mentioned in them. But there are other oracles that do speak of him…"_

"_I am not Apollo…" Her eyes glaze over for a moment as he says it. And he worries she is going to faint when she groans suddenly._

"_Not Apollo…but you are beloved of him" her voice is soft and lower than usual, much raspier. "Avatar, …beloved of Apollo." She swallows and her eyes clear. She gives her head a little shake. "Do we have any water? "He blinks at her through the rain that is plastering his short hair to his head and making his blue eyes glint reflecting the silver drops from the sky ._

"_Water?" His eyebrows go up in the middle._

_They both laugh and Lee hopes he never hears that voice she used again._

* * *

… 

Kara can't feel bad about how things went. Lee had surprised the hell out of her, his steady, calm front had made her panic ebb. His warm hands on her and his constant reassurance made her feel so bad. He was giving so much and was going to get so little. The argument was always over before it began. But his strength had helped her do the hardest thing she has ever done in her life and his pride and love made the insurmountable task ahead of her seem less so. She would never forget his forehead pressed against hers and his request that she trust him. It had cleared the haze of pain and the smoke of hysteria. This man was her best friend, she trusted him with her life. She however, did not trust herself with his, and she was mangling his heart daily. Status quo was re-attained in a matter of moments after birth.

"I love you…" (_Oh gods…make fun of him tell him you don't, get him away from you. If you get him killed …he is the father of your children for fraks sake do it for them.)_

She had seen his hands shake, his swallowing, she could see his pain and the way he was fighting his body. She had seen the look and the way his eyes flashed when she had called out to Artemis. She couldn't bring herself to acknowledge the fear that had caused in her. In the end, she makes fun of him, to show him his admission is putting him at a disadvantage. She knows when his glow of happiness fades, when he comes down he will remember her words and his jaw will clench. His heart will harden and he will be safe again for a while.

She is standing, without having to brace herself or hold her back. She isn't the size of a raptor. Her entire body hurts, she is on fire from her hips down. He has to come with her while they try to repair his ship. She wants to laugh, to cry and never wants to put the warm bundle in her arms down. She figured she would be partial to the boy. She didn't know why. But it was the little girl in her arms and the feeling was odd. Like she could see something no one else could.

Lee had held the girl for the first hours of her life had helped the medics clean her up and had the discussions about what to do in whatever situation, asked all his questions. But his eyes full of love and understanding changed when they handed him the boy. They filled with tears. Kara didn't know why but she understood, she had felt the same when they finally put her little girl in her arms. It seemed backwards somehow but there was a connection that she hadn't foreseen. Maybe she had thought it was vanity to be drawn to her own image. Not that the baby looked all that much like her at the moment. She could see Lee in the boy though.

Lee had been offended at the suggestion that his son be 'clipped'. His eyebrows had raised and he shook his head, no he didn't have a problem explaining to the child how to take care of his own body. It had been a surreal conversation to be sure. Kara had been surprised because Lee himself was in fact 'clipped'. She saw something primal and protective in it.

Setting his finger had made her choke, they had to re-break it. He had looked at the ceiling and she wasn't sure when Lee had started praying but for the second time in a couple months she distinctly heard him ask Apollo to help him. It was weird he invoked Apollo, any other god and she would have thought it a gut reaction. If he was calling Apollo he was doing it on purpose, because hello, how weird.

There is a nagging realization that she is trying not to make in all of this. She will have to face it soon. Both Adamas' will be waiting for it and she has surprised herself in what the answer might be. This little girl fit in her hands as surely as a viper stick. But, as a Major, promoted in desperate times by an Admiral who is obviously grooming her for command, she wonders if vipers figure into the equation anymore and her heart suddenly feels tight.

Lee is 29 years old, though they would have to sit down and figure when his birthday passed. He just became the president, he had not taken the oath yet but it was only a matter of time. Before the attacks it never would have happened. You had to be 35 to even run for office. Now sure, people were spouting things about him being able to shoot lighting out of his ass…ok maybe not that exactly but they were saying ridiculous things… and he was healthy and young, which the former president had proven was an asset. Then there was the fact that the election had been rushed and he had been endorsed and manipulated by a savvy politician who knew how to play her religious card and had no fear of what putting power in this man's (boy's) hands would do to him or the office for that matter.

She had told Kara as much. In fact Kara should have taken it as a warning. Kara thought that the presidential office had been mutated into more of a monarchy but she wasn't sure that was exactly the feel of it. She wondered at the secular groups that should be having problems with the way all this had gone down, but hasn't heard any good scuttlebutt, but she thinks that may be because of who she is.

Things were not as they once were. The lines between duty, politics and religion were blurred and Kara really was starting to wonder where it left her. Not in a viper, certainly. She will have to think about how to manipulate that, even if she needed to work some of the prophecies, or legends to her favor she would fly again. She already had Lee set, no one would take Apollo's viper from him. He was being hailed as some sort of poor mans god.

She is fairly certain the real Apollo would think her attitude more refreshing than the constant prayers for healing. Funny if it's sacrilege, it is at least a liberating and humorous brand. That and she knows in her heart the God Apollo wouldn't want them to be kept from the sky. Especially now that his children have traveled so far from the sun.

She leans down and kisses the tiny one's head. They are really tiny, but blessedly healthy. She is relieved but something in her says it is how it should be. They weren't ever in any danger despite all that has happened. What ever it is that's telling her that is on drugs she decides. When have they not been in danger?

* * *

… 

"Can you believe this shit?" Jammer and Selix were working in pressure suits trying to fix the blasted window in Colonial one. "What are we Adama's slaves?" He was pouting and mouthing off just as always and Selix the silent sidekick, tried not to listen. "Why is it we are fixing this, we are Battlestar enlisted not the president-boys groupies."

Selix shifted uncomfortably and tapped her helmet, indicating the coms were open and he could be over heard. He rolled his eyes. She shook her head as he continued.

"Just because he and 'God', decided to play house everyone is thinking its some kind of preordained event. They are just pilots for Gods sakes…and not even…"

The wrench, hit him resoundingly in the helmet and bounced off. Tyrol's eyes narrowed.

"Shut the frak up Jammer and do your damn job…"

"You can't tell me you …"

"I don't have to tell you a damn thing….but I will because it may save you some embarrassment later, if you actually listen and keep your mouth shut for a minute."

Tyrol was throwing all of the pieces of debris into a container for sorting, the metal could prove useful.

"First, don't ever let me or anyone else hear you question either Starbuck or Apollo's ability in a bird. That is maybe the dumbest thing I have ever heard you even begin to say. Second, I should remind you my mother was an oracle. I know it's not enlightened of me, but I am a knuckle dragger for a reason. I believe in the basic elements, in truths accepted and not explained I believe we are living in a time that even a little hope is precious and not to be extinguished. You will belay discussions that question the divine interventions here. We would all be dead, with the rest of our kind if we didn't take some things on faith. Questioning either Adama, when it comes to keeping your sorry ass alive is a universally bad idea. You of all people should know this first hand, or did you not benefit from Apollo blasting that centurion that was about to take out aft damage control, when the Galactica was boarded?"

It was no secret that the chief was less than fond of Apollo, so this was a shock to poor Jammer. Selix knows one thing for sure, you should never assume you know what the chief thinks, he was the master of mixed signals.

Selix looked down. Hiding the smile, she had known was coming the minute the chief opened his mouth. She glanced at Jammer who was doing the open mouthed waiting to get a word in, but not really having anything to say thing. She figured there are several universal truths and Jammer stepping in it was one of em.

* * *

… 

She looked at the child, standing in front of her. They had told her he was the physical age of a 6 year old human. She had known they were unhappy with her because her mission hadn't yielded enough of what they desired, she shouldn't have let him go. He had somehow escaped their last attack, even though they had targeted the ship the intel said he was on. She had been secretly relieved.

The little boy in question was looking at her and he seemed so much older than the other. The ones who made her had been frustrated but then accepting that the only viable offspring from the human's DNA had produced twins. They had decided to manipulate it to their advantage and had gone from icily tolerant of her to praising and happy that the splitting zygote had produced a side effect they hadn't foreseen. The other fetus was augmented.

The genetic slough was standing before her and she thought he was beautiful. His womb mate, or at least tube mate was cylon, manipulated and arranged. This boy was human, a clone and all the stuff they couldn't use in his brother. He instinctively knew he wasn't like the ones who made him, just as she had. He had not yet spoken at all. She could see some of the human she had been assigned to in him and she wondered if he would be exactly the same. But she realized that wouldn't happen when she saw his eyes. They were brown.

But the bone structure and the jaw were the same and the same expressions she thought. He looked at her and wheezed, his little chest shuddering as he struggled for air. They had indeed separated out all the damaged genes. This poor creature (boy) wasn't going to live to see the plan unfold. It made her sad, she realized and she took his pale hand and led him to her bed and sat down with him. He had never in the few days he had been alive been held. He had been poked and prodded pumped full of all sorts of things to test the cellular accelerators. He exists so his twin can be made perfect.

She named him. He needed a name even if he would never say it. She named him Volpe, for the little fox in a fable she liked. Reading had been something they had taught her to keep her entertained. The story involved a little fox caught in a trap who tricks a bigger dumber animal into changing places with him. She liked that idea though she knew he wouldn't live long enough to get the chance to emulate his namesake. His hair made her think of pictures of foxes.

She patted her lap, and he looked up at her serious and steady, his chest heaving. She could see him shaking and knew, just knew that the breathing wasn't his only defect and she hated the others. She wondered if her sisters had died similarly. She wondered how her kind, the human's (especially the blue eyed one, this ones base) had made them hate so much.

His words of love, the only ones that ever seemed true to her ears, still rang in her head. Leoben spouted love, Six declared it for God, Simon explained mating, D'eanna implied sex for pleasure, but she never found any of it particularly moving. Sharon, she never said love. She never implied it. She discussed it like it was a disease. Her eyes, would have a millisecond of looking haunted then a coldness would descend. She wondered not incorrectly if the ability to love somehow resulted in the immense hate, if it was somehow a by-product, just like this boy.

He crawled up on her lap finally and she held him to her chest. The tears that came were the first she has ever shed and with each one that fell her resolve to be true to her people, the ones that would most likely shoot her on sight, became stronger. His little hand tucked in to hers and she relished the warmth, the softness, and the feel of his strawberry blond hair on her chin. His breathing became progressively more labored and because she knew they would fix him only to pump him full of more things to hurt him, she stayed quiet. He met her gaze as his lips started turning blue and smiled. She didn't know he was almost an exact likeness of Lee Adama at 6 years old. The Cylons didn't either. She did know he didn't have blue eyes and for that she was glad.

* * *

… 

The rising star was having a party.

It had been decided that rather than a wake for Roslin, They would celebrate what she had left them with. Those who mourned her did it in private. Still decorum was attempted.

It was supposed to be a quiet celebration between friends. But the natives of the ship had other ideas. Apollo, was being inaugurated in the morning. The youngest president since history had started over. Adama and Wallace Gray respectively would take office instead of just playing the roles, they would become them. Surprisingly the vote had been extremely close and it was Roslin's vote that had decided it. No one knew what to make of her choice. But they were happy, it was an odd feeling of relief that seemed to exude from the masses. The speculation about Adama's age was squashed by religious over tones. Chloe wondered how much it had to do with the last time people had actually seen the sun. The idea of Apollo leading them to it was pure fancy but she knew the evocative power of a name. With a name like Gray, how could there be a contest? Still the man would be a great resource for the boy-king and his position in the Vice President position kept him at hand should Apollo be called away on divine matters.

Chloe Mayer was not at all surprised. She was smiling at the announcements of birth to the crack-shot pilot's twins as well, and her math was good. She knew the president had a hand or two in the transaction. Gabe had tickled the ivories next to her as she sat on the bench listening to the dailies. His smirk said his math was just as good.

"I like that, it seems right…" His soft tenor was lacking its usual irony.

"Yep, Gabe I sense a big change a comin. I will tell you, not much I wouldn't do for those two, I know all the rumors and the tall tales are most likely crap. But anyone who plays like those two did together, hell they have my vote even though no one asked me."

"Can you imagine those kids? I bet they are gorgeous." He smiled and his hazel eyes crinkled at the corners.

"Kinda liked that boy huh?"

"Helo was more my speed. "She laughs at that and it's honest. He had never admitted that before, the fact he took note of the man's call-sign spoke volumes. It didn't surprise her at all.

"Shall we go to this party?"

He stuck out his arm and winked. Screaming yellow sneakers, with his black suit, he was ready to party. She smiled and took his arm. The end of the world could have been worse, he could have been a oboe player.

* * *

…. 

Tom Zarek was in shock. There was no other word for the feeling he was having. His mind was racing, all of his ideas smashing against the walls of his head. He kept seeing Apollo's face when he offered him the bullet. He had known then, but had been to full of himself to admit it. Lee Adama is an idealist. The thought was like, well like a bullet in the head.

The man's father was a tyrant, wasn't he? How is it possible he produced an idealistic whelp? Tom knew or at least thought he knew. The boy was most likely just like every other college kid who thinks they can change the world with the books they read. By throwing money at things and volunteering to find homes for lost puppies. When the going gets tough, those kids always run home to daddy.

Not that he hadn't wanted to. When he was told Zeus had returned to command the captain mutineer couldn't take the shot. But he didn't pull the punch. I believe in the office, the process, I wont attack my father I will not agree with what he did but I will not denounce him, I believe in his and our intentionality. He hadn't returned to Olympus he had gone to find a way to earth.

Apollo had been different and it was worrisome. He had brought Zeus down from the mountain looking for him and could have caused the demise of the father god unintentionally, to use his very deliberate wording. But Zarek had been relieved that the cylon, the enemy, had prevented it. It would be a reminder that maybe things with Zeus aren't as clear cut as they seem.

He had lost a good friend but his desire for power was starting to wane. His followers were more focused than he. His experience spoke to him that idealists' burn out. Truly selfless leaders die. Apollo was an idealist, he was sure of it. They burn out and die, but they inspire masses to do the impossible, or the unthinkable depending on what side of the fence you stand on. Zarek has always known his side. But things were getting hazy.

The boy god had surprised Zarek with the promise of elections. Zarek hadn't believed he would really pull it off, and truthfully it took much longer than the 6 months that the boy had promised but he had done it. Once Roslin's illness was made common knowledge Zarek had known the populace would split. They had rallied behind her and postponed the actual election process because of her health only to turn around and rush it when the boy king killed the vice president in a sordid cylon plot.

The script said the Vice President had attacked Artemis. Of course Apollo would bring his wrath to bear. No one seemed to mind that Baltar had been a genius, or that he had been in a public office. Zarek wondered why Apollo killed him and if it had been a lot less heroic than purported, but at this time those things weren't even breathed. Apollo was popular with the masses. Roslin had seen to it.

Religious trump card, nicely played Lady President.

Laura Roslin had great legs. It had been hard to remember that she was the enemy. Not so hard when he watched her with either Adama the respect she garnered for both Sr and Jr was irritating. He half suspected funny business with her Capt. Apollo until saw the boy with Lt. Artemis. Even if neither of the junior officers knew it, it was painfully obvious that their friendship was only defined as such because they were too busy fighting to see each other clearly.

Now in light of all that came to pass Tom was feeling like he should have started a pool, at least then he could have made some money or at least some coffee on the whole deal. He had called it the moment he laid eyes on them both in the same room.

But now, now the fruition of the religious trump was being broadcast on the dailies. He wanted to laugh. The Geminons were having a fit. It was a blow to any one who had still been holding out in the secular camp. The twins, had twins. It was beyond all reason. It had earned the lovely little boy an entire fleet to play with. But Zarek was still trying to feel the burn about that.

He had to admit begrudging respect for the former President, she played a hard-assed game. And as far as he could see, she had won.

He raised his glass to the air as the bar tender looked at him quizzically.

"To a great Lady." He felt bitter, he would have liked to have met her on the same footing as the Adama's, maybe she wouldn't have dismissed him like a naughty school boy. The drink burned good.

Burn out and die. For some reason he didn't think he would live to see that happen if things kept going the way they were. Still, Apollo had given him a ship, and a shot. Even if Laura had been the one holding all the cards.

Tom just wished it was all about the politics. For once in a very long time he realized that this time it hadn't been.

Roslin had been smart, shrewd, calculating and unfortunately for Tom Zarek, gorgeous.

* * *

… 

"It's a Call-sign Kara!"

She looks dangerous and he sighs.

"It would be hard to keep them straight, you really wanna do that to the poor kid?" This has been a long discussion and it was wearing thin." She frowns at him. "Be reasonable, do you want to call her Karla?" He tries not to wince, he really hates that one but he would concede if she will just give up on calling his little girl Helo.

She flips him off and turns away from him. Gods she was so five years old.

"Nice, mommy!" He watches her back stiffen and tries not to feel too smug. He is being just as immature and he knows it. "How about Halo? Ya know like an angel wears?"

She looks back at him and he can tell she is thinking about it.

"Archer?" He has been holding back on it, it is his favorite, he didn't want it shot down while she was still gunning for Helo. It slips out now and he sees her eyes narrow like she knows his preference which he has been so carefully hiding.

She sighs.

"Archer Helo Adama?" He couldn't help it he will give, he likes it and his smile hides nothing. He knows he hasn't won yet even with the concession of the middle name.

"Then I want Eos." He looks down at the little boy in his arms and makes a face like the idea tastes bad.

"You want to name my boy dawn?" He presses his finger against the baby's bottom lip and grins as the infant starts sucking on it.

"This isn't a my baby, your baby thing Lee, they are a package deal."

"Are you included in that package?" He wants to kick himself, it slips out before he can stop it. He meets silence, fights the tears that threaten, and goes back to the names issue. "Ok Eos, for middle or first?"

She blinks at him and he tries not to be embarrassed as she situates Archer at her breast. They still struggling a bit with little things, even after taking care of her for a couple weeks he had issues with her naked body parts. It was probably weird he had helped her bathe and deliver the babies but couldn't look at her boob.

"I was serious about naming him Lee, really." He looks up again, he remembered her saying it but had figured she hadn't meant it.

"I don't want to do that to him." He really didn't.

"Archer Halo Adama and Eos Joseph Adama?" She looks at him hopefully. He notes she has changed Helo to Halo to get Eos as the first name.

"Can I call him EJ?" He negotiates.

"Of course Lee Lee." She sing songs at him and he knows it is set. Not traditional, but then who made the rules anyway? He moved EJ to his left arm and wrote it down on the form Cottle had given them.

It really is his boy and her girl. He had thought the girl would be the one he would get more attached to. It seemed natural somehow. He loved them both and would die for either of them but his boy, EJ, it is like he has a different bond to the little ones soul. It is like a puzzle piece he has been missing.

"So Kara, about that whole where are you going to go when they release you thing…"

Her look stills him. He mutters that he doesn't get it. He wonders exasperatedly if he ever will. He wants to point out that they have lived together before and it worked well. But there are no arguments when he isn't sure what he is fighting for.

Did he want her to marry him? She would definitely reject that idea.

"Ok then, when Colonial One is ready, am I taking them with me?"

"How are you going to feed them?" He gritted his teeth. Gods it hurt, she was being so cruel.

He hugs his tiny, perfect boy to his chest and feels tears. He wants to run away suddenly, take the boy and run, maybe she wouldn't chase him if she still has the girl. He is being completely ridiculous, of course, she is right he couldn't even feed the baby. He runs his fingers over the flaxen tuft on EJ's head and glances up as his father walks in. After smiling at his father he glances down and draws a quick breath. EJ is looking at him his murky dark eyes have a hint of blue and they are sleepy but open.

He gasps and announces it to his father who had been coming toward him anyway and EJ blinks, unimpressed.

Things with the elder Adama had made a sudden change at some point and Lee couldn't put his finger on it. The blame he had been shouldering had dissipated first into a wary acceptance and now was bordering on support. He wished he could ask his father to tell him what to do about Kara but he knew that would be out of line. Their problems were between them, they always had been.

His father is dealing with enough as it is. Lee knew Laura had died in his father's arms, or so he had heard via techs gossip since they have been stuck in sick bay. Supposedly William had been sitting bedside watch since late the week before. He evidently only left for his watches in CIC, showers and to grab food, if he remembered. She had gone quietly. The rumor mill said and that his father had sat with her on her bed, his arms wrapped around her with a blanket. The ship wide speculation was that the Admiral was grieving a love, not a politician.

"They are going to be blue." His father said putting his arm around his son." Yours were exactly the same color when you were born." Lee feels tears and this time, because it is for different reasons than before he lets them fall.

* * *

… 

"_You are the other half of my soul " Her eyes are huge, dark. He can see himself completely in them._

"_I know" He smiles._

"_Do you know why?" She looks casual. He is pretty sure it's a new tactic._

"_Nope, do you?"_

"_No but if you don't help me with this test, you will end up with a different roommate and that will suck since we are soul-mates."_

"_You are ruthless" He laughs._

_The late fall breeze rattles the blinds in their dorm room and she shivers. He moves to close the window and she tells him that she likes the smell of the fireplaces from the common room. He leaves it and puts on the little mini coffee pot instead. It's gonna be a long night anyway._

"_I want to win. Help me?"_

"_Maybe you should have read the book then. What it's like 30 pages, they are not asking you to become a literary expert."_

"_Its in a different language Lee!"_

"_That's what the reference is for dorkus, besides you should have coded it so the translation would be done and all you had to do was read it. Most people at your level could read it without too much problem. You were supposed to pick a language you had conversational aptitude in."_

"_I picked the one I took back at the academy. It didn't stick for me. You aren't going leave me hanging here are you I know you can read this. Please help me Lee Lee."_

"_It was never an option goober. _Vous et nul Autre._" _

"_What?"_

"_Look it up, it should be in the book. Start with V" he pushes her much neglected text book at her._

"_Just tell me."_

"_Nope, you already know it, you just don't realize it." She did know it, she had said it in many ways in many languages just not this one. She never meant it in the traditional sense, the physical sense. She said it with her words, with her eyes, with the way they flew together, she said it in her dreams. He never questioned it, there was no need._

"_I am going to fail…"_

"_Not a chance."_

* * *

… 

Apollo loses his lighter to the artificial gravity in the hanger bay. He leans to retrieve it, his tired face drawn and all angles. He is in a word 'pointy', all tension and spikes. His life surprisingly, having purpose suddenly in the annihilation of his species. His thoughts are on Starbuck (of course) and how far they have yet to go.

He knows her pain, though she won't share. He knows why she is holding back. He knows the smell of her and the feel of her. He wishes he didn't. He wishes he could have left it the way it had been. Then the madness of this whole situation wouldn't be eating his soul. His children wouldn't be pawns in an emotional hostage situation where neither of them can be considered innocent, where neither of them really have a right to claim the moral high ground.

She won't give him what he wants.

He wants her.

She has come so far. It should be getting easier. She is the leader no one expected her to be. She is a mother as well and that in it self it beyond her comprehension. She thought she would give them up willingly, to their father. She thought it would be an easy decision since she didn't want them to begin with. But the pain, the realization Lee was out of reach suddenly, on Colonial One, not by her side. Holding on to his children was like keeping a part of him as a touch stone. That and they were hers too, and that was staggering. She had no idea it would feel like this. She never deserved this kind of blessing. She may have been contrite for past sins, but she surely was not worthy of such responsibility.

She wants to meet the challenge, she wants to win. He was never supposed to leave her side. He has wrenched her world apart by making her love him; she can still feel his hands, hear the warm sound of his voice in her soul. All things that came before burned away by the divinity of his blessed soul. It's a cold fire. She struggles with the fleet's sudden recognition of her God. Apollo is hers and she is pissed she has to share. She knows his secrets, knows his weaknesses and part of her takes perverse pleasure that she alone can cause him pain that no one else can even touch. For her it's the only way to remind him just exactly who she is.

He won't acknowledge her power, so he pays for it.

She wants him to come home, and quit playing God for everyone that isn't her.

* * *

...

He aches and wants and when no one is around, cries. His face is a mask of perfection and he takes the office of the president, feeling like an actor in a play. He makes the rounds addresses the issues, buries himself in paper and politics. He is earning the right to breathe the air he doesn't really want. He is making them love him; little by little they are opening like flowers to the sun. He wants to tell them, it's not him, it's not what they want. He is so much less, and yet so much more.

His fingers can still feel the weight of his son. His knees, healing from the wounds, remember the position of worship he was in at her knees when his children were born. His heart remembers her face and her strength. She deserves his worship, she had performed a miracle. Archer and Eos were the result.

After days of intense meetings and fleet wide circulation, he is exhausted and wanting nothing more than to sleep. Of course he can't, his mind won't give up the fight, he needs to see his children. He heads for Colonial One's cockpit to arrange clearance. He won't sleep until he has kissed them good night, he considers how long a night is now and tries not to let it make him slump to the floor and never get up again. He takes the viper, probably a bad call, being so free with fuel when he is the book keeper on all such things and how they effect the probability of survival. He hates that Laura put him in this position and it scares him that she was able to do it so easily. She had manipulated a populace into believing he, Apollo the emotional retard, could handle being in a position that made him responsible for the lives of nearly 50 thousand people.

His father wouldn't talk to him as a son now. It started immediately after inauguration he thinks it had something to do with Laura. Now, when they spoke it was Mr. President. The displaced roles were daunting. One should never have to face ones absolute authority and know that your word will be law. Lee knew if it came down to it he would have to give his father orders. It was possibly scarier than messing with Starbuck since the twins were born.

Her post partum had been brutal and at one point during a mood swing he had feared she would hurt him perhaps kill him. The arguments about custody were ugly and he knew he could pull rank, get a nurse and somehow come up with a way to feed them but the trauma would devastate the babies and their mother. He wasn't that kind of man, at least not today he wasn't, though if things didn't change soon, he was thinking that might be inaccurate. Maybe he was that kind of man.

She is holding out on him. She is making a point that means nothing when his decisions aren't his own. His fleet or his kids. The selfish part of him knew that there was an easy answer here. Laura had made it impossible. There were rumors about Starbuck being some sort of Harpy sent to tempt and draw their Apollo away. He had heard them and was shocked that the escalation of the religious sects had reached this scary fever pitch. To go to her to do what she asked could get her killed. If he gave up office there would be a fleet wide rebellion and he couldn't do it.

He was touched as he passed people on ships like some sort of savior. It was scary and Laura's notes to him had been to the point.

'You will assume the mantle, I know you don't want it but there is no one else who can. You are the boy king, you are the one to lead them. You will bring the sun as foretold and therefore the earth. The Children of Niobe will be slain by your hand and the traverse to the new homeland will be completed in your life time and through you and those from you.' The prophecies are very specific, Apollo. Your youth and call sign make it your burden.'

* * *

… 

"_I never wanted any of this."_

"_None of us did."_

"_Is it Apollo they indicate?"_

"_Yes" _

"_What if that's not me? What if there is someone else?"_

"_Lee, can you seriously tell me you don't feel it?"_

"_I can tell you something doesn't ring true, my heart is telling me something isn't quite right."_

"_It's because your heart has more than one master at present." Her gaze had been sympathetic and he wished she would tell him what to do. When she did, he wished she hadn't._

"_You will do what it takes to ensure the survival of your people." It wasn't a question nor was it ambiguous in anyway. Her complete conviction caused ice to form around his heart._

* * *

… 

The landing strip blurred a little as he came in wishing this wasn't such an odd thing. The voice in his ear was surprised and fawning and he remembered the first time he landed this bird in this space and how angry he had been.

Ironic he wanted nothing more than to go back and do that a little differently. To accept Tyrol's handshake, to smile at the CAG about the reconditioned viper and to have reached through the bars and pressed his fingers to her face instead of teasing her and baiting her and getting her ire up. He wished he had the chance to have really hugged his father for those pictures.

Now as he set down he imagined he felt his viper sigh, like it is returning home after a long journey. It is just the hydraulics. He wants this family. This family that he had hated instantly because it was so evident from the moment his landing gear hit the deck that was what they were. He wants to come home.

He is shocked when her pilots salute him and stay at attention as if he would rank them otherwise. When he puts them at ease, they all remain at parade rest instead of going back to work and he looks at Tyrol his face a mask of confusion and not a little pain.

"Deck crew dismissed!" He watches as they scrambled. He sighs and offers the chief his hand while the pilots stand like statues.

"About your business…" He feels his voice falter and swallows the ache. They act as if he has released their oxygen supply and most went directly back to work, backs straight and heads high. It is surreal.

"Good to see you Mr. President…"

"Please chief, "He looks at him and Tyrol smiles affably.

"Apollo…"

"Gods that feels so much better." He can't help the smile that comes when he sees Helo angling his way. These two, men who he could identify with Gods it felt so good not to be holding his breath, to be able to smack Helo on the back grin like the last few weeks hadn't happened.

"She's in her quarters. "Suddenly he didn't want to see her. This was so comfortable standing her smelling the grease and fuel along with Helo's watermelon sucker. He looked at the chief, an idea forming in his head.

"When are you guys off shift?"

"Next rotation is in an hour and a half."

"Let's play some cards after I finish my business here."

He watched them grin, and wondered if they needed some male time as much as he did. Bless Billy but he really wasn't the kind of guy Lee was particularly drawn to. He was too, clean and cautious. Wallace Gray, his vice president was just as busy as he was trying to get his head around all the bureaucratic B.S., on top of that the older man was a retiring type who seemed to flit about in the back ground wanting no real attention for himself. Lee was convinced the man had a lover, and he fought resentment over that, that the V.P. could have that when he wasn't allowed anything of the sort. Well that was a different matter of course, and not at all Wallace's fault; it was just hard not to feel a little jealous for small things like a warm body to sleep with. Lee missed the military crassness. He actually missed the hard rack and the bad food. He missed Helo's stupid grin and the chief's temper. He told himself he would piss Tyrol off at least once before he left, just for old times.

"Bring some of that nasty rot gut."

"Where should we play? The lounge might get you unwanted attention."

"It might clear out actually, he scares most of us grunts now, delusions of grandeur and all..."

"It would be fun to watch them high tail it"

"Ok then we'll go crash the officer's lounge"

"Technically he is an officer…"

"Ya but you ever see the old man down there playing?"

"No … Tyrol thinks about it a minute. "Oh my Gods you can issue orders to the Old Man." His face was classic and Lee really wished he could feel smug about it. Instead it made him feel empty and scared. He tried his best to smile. They all look uncomfortable for a minute.

He sees Tyrol glance at his bird and takes advantage of the distraction.

"Hey while I am, if you have time I mean…" He tries to think of how to put it and not make it an order.

"I'd love to sir, I have missed her…" Lee smiles.

"Be gentle chief she doesn't get a lot of loving lately…she may be kind of stiff" They all laugh a little and Lee shoots Helo a grin before heading to find Kara's new quarters. She had got them after he had been booted back to CO, so he wasn't she where they had put her.

* * *

… 

His viper isn't the only one who is kinda stiff he thinks. He is standing at the doorway to her room leaning on the frame watching her pace uncomfortably. She has dropped a great deal of the weight already and it was kinda scary how attractive she is given how little sleep she is obviously getting. He figures he looks much worse with less cause. He may have matched her pound for pound on the weight loss, and that isn't a good thing.

"They are sleeping…"

"I won't wake them, Starbuck?"

He moves to the makeshift bassinette and looks at her questioningly.

"They cry if I don't put them in the same one."

He looks down at them and smiles, he doesn't know much about infants in general but the fact that the babies are snuggled together seems odd. She has wrapped them in a single blanket. It just seems weird.

"Hold on to her, it will be soon enough that you won't get to, or want to for that matter." He whispers while touching EJ's soft hair. In the last few weeks it has darkened to a deep gold color. Archer's is platinum. Their eyes are both clearing to a gray blue color that match neither his nor Kara's. His father had said that it took a while for the eyes to settle on a color, back before he stopped talking to Lee, and began talking to the president instead.

When he turns she is watching him with a frown that makes him want to cry. He has been feeling that desire a lot lately. Funny he wasn't particularly sappy before, but lately the whole weight of the fleet and the weird religious overtones were making him want his mother. Basic and humiliating Lee could really use his mother's comfort and guidance now. Maybe all the momma's boy comments Kara used to make were right.

* * *

… 

"_Niobe's children are out of hand." She is irritated which means she won't be still._

"_I know."_

"_They think they are above yours…that they have precedence." He sighs at the manipulation trying to care._

"_I know."_

"_What are you going to do?"_

"_What do you want me to do?"_

"_Call your whore, tell her to send her bastards." He laughed, and he knew she was growing hostile. He realized something._

"_She owes you nothing, do you really think our children need their help? It's not like you to care."_

"_Don't you?"_

"_I sent word before you opened your mouth." He was bored with this._

"_They will go?"_

"_For their mother, yes of course."_

"_Will they be merciful?"_

"_They are gods."_

"_So, it is justice then."_

"_More so than you allowed them…" The argument is old._

"_Don't start, they pay for _Your_ mistake." Her frigid voice makes him sigh._

"_Why do you care?"_

_Her face is ice. He knows why, it's the pride and her inability to let things go._

"_You will let them be together for the hunt?"_

"_Until it is done…" He hopes it's a long fight, the hope is both perverse and kind at the same time._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 17

"_Are you ok? " His face tells him the answer but Helo wants to give his mouth something to do other than frown._

"_No, not really." The honesty surprises him a little._

"_This is a new thing?"_

"_No, not really." Helo nods. Lee Adama is not that much older than he is but his face is drawn and almost pinched. He knows most of it has to do with their best friend. He knows the rest have to do with the president's wild schemes on how to keep the fleet from falling into Zarek's hands._

"_Are you scared?"_

"_Honestly, I have been scared so long I don't know if that's really the same emotion I thought it was. I think maybe it's more like, hell I don't know, nauseous, I am constantly about to lose my lunch."_

"_Charming…So…the president…"_

"_Will she give them up Helo?" He realizes the change of subject is intended. He knows the redirect is less than optimal._

"_She hasn't said much about it since the Admiral told her that you were most likely going to end up in office." He watches the smaller man's face remain exactly the same. He knows it shouldn't do that. This man, was carrying more burdens than Helo has ever seen anyone, and his face was like a mask. His voice is the only indication lately that he is even still inside." Apollo, listen, I know it's not really my business…"_

"_Helo, I am terrified." He interrupts softly. It changes everything, it takes the comfort he was about to give and makes it meaningless._

"_I know."_

* * *

… 

She is looking at a pair of blue eyes but the face is wrong. His hair is too dark his skin is too deep it makes the azure shade of his gaze too bright. His jaw is both heavier and softer than she thinks it should be. He appears to be around 20 years of age or so. His frame is sturdy and his mouth generous. She is pretty sure they messed up. She isn't going to tell them, of course but she is pretty sure.

As a week or so passes she thanks the powers that be daily that Volpe is surviving. She doesn't know how close to prayer she comes when she does it. She does know if he were to die part of her would too.

She is animal to them, just like that blessed child that has yet to succumb to their testing and prodding. She was happy her little brown eyed boy was no longer being 'accelerated' nor were they doing much else to him since the 'splices' and the 'grafts'. His pretty reddish mane is gone, they had shaved him and stuck electrodes all over his little head. But his bluish lips would brush hers every night before they slept, trembling and cold. She would lie awake listening to the soft wheeze of his labored breathing and thank them for the small favor of his silent steady company.

He wouldn't last much longer but they had stopped 'fixing' him. She was learning the hate they didn't try to keep from her.

Their pet, the 'other', was being taught though, healed, indoctrinated, he was being groomed. She was not allowed contact with him. She was glad. She had a distinct dislike of him he was the reason her little one was being let die. His perfection in their eyes made Volpe unnecessary.

Her body had changed a lot, her treatments were complete. She had been shot full of vitamins and things that made her feel funny. Her hair and nails were growing like crazy. The former reaching the small of her back, the latter she cut back daily. For some reason she hated her nails long. Her back had been slightly achy the last couple days and her chest sensitive. When they came for her she was not in the most compliant moods and surprised herself by expressing not wanting to leave Volpe.

The Simon who came for her told her that they would gladly kill Volpe if she did not comply.

She went.

When they stick her in the room with him she doesn't recognize him. He moves to her in almost predatory fashion. He circles her and she thinks he his sniffing the air. She is pretty damn sure they got their wires crossed somewhere. When he speaks it scares her and her racing heart drowns out his voice for a minute.

"You are for me?"

"That's what they think."

"But you don't?"

"I don't think I have a choice"

"I don't think you do either"

She notices that he is physically bigger than she. His masculinity is intimidating and she is nervous at his size and obvious strength. When he looks into her face she freezes.

"Do you know me?"

"No."

But it was a lie. Her body was reacting to him just like it had her first human. Maybe it's the eyes, she thinks helplessly. But she knows it isn't. They have done something to her, to him that makes this happen. She is suddenly terrified.

His hands move to her bare arms suddenly and the drag of his blocky powerful fingers make her arch and shiver. Her body is suddenly in an uproar, her breathing erratic and her pulse climbing. She feels the same throb and tightness between her legs that she had when she left the human back on the dead base star. This is what they want, these things that have done all those horrible things to the child back in her room.

It's wrong. So she fights it. Her body isn't listening, it's responding to the blue eyed man who is crushing his brutal hands over her sensitive nipples through the hospital gown they put her in. His heart beat is visible in his throat. She can see he is as worked up as she is and wonders if he is scared.

"Does this scare you?" She wants to know.

"No."

"Why are you trembling?"

"I am hungry."

She looks at him and knows he isn't talking about food as he shoves his hand up under the long gown. She panics when he touches her where she has never been touched by anyone other than Simon, and Simon never touched her like that.

"Do you want me?" She knows she is supposed to. She wishes she could lie.

"Yes." She starts to cry. Her shoulders shaking in fear and her heart pinched with pain her thoughts of the first human, her human, are starting to fade and it is making her scramble for purchase. She thinks of Volpe and the things they are doing or not doing to him and it holds her up, the anger and sorrow are her buoy.

"You will have me then." He shoves two of his fingers inside of her, it hurts in a deliciously trembling way but she knows that it's what they want. She feels him testing her wetness and she swallows."

"No." Jaw set. Back stiff and shoulders squared.

"I will take you anyway."

"It won't matter, my body will respond but you will never have my heart."

"What do you know of the human heart?"

It's a great question. She only knows what she has read in the fairy tale books they have let her have. They were parables and were mostly about animals instead of humans but she thinks that was the machines point. Humans are animals. She thinks they may have screwed up by trying to make that point. It made her mind go in strange directions when she thought about it. Then there were the weird religious texts that were supposedly written by a human prophet. But the over all impression has stuck with her through the stories, even the religious text made the soul or heart something that even god sought after.

"That it is both the most fragile and strongest thing we own."

He scoffs thrusting a third finger into her making her cringe and gasp. The stretching pain lasts until he soothes it with her own fluids and then she works to ignore the feeling that replaces it.

"You are barely human…"

"So are you…" She sees him tense, his fingers stop moving and she locks her knees.

He lets go of her suddenly and the space where he had been touching her feels open and cold suddenly. The breast he had been squeezing ached and she wanted his hands back.

When they take her back to her room and she feels something for the first time. She feels the futility of her situation and she feels shame. She will give in, her body wants him like she wants air to breathe, his form though not her human, is familiar and the memory of him in her blood is the same as the other. His blue eyes, they are what give her pause, if he doesn't close his eyes maybe she can deny him. They are the wrong shape, they should not be blue.

When she wakes the next day Volpe doesn't. His little stubble covered head is tucked to her hip bone and his chest is no longer rising or falling. She holds his cold form and her tears are silent. They can't make her go back into the other room by threatening him now. But she knows the flipside as well. If they leave her here alone, she would go because the call of the other on her body was so strong that her broken heart wouldn't stop it.

* * *

… 

"FRAK…"

Helo's face is ashen and his eyes are wild.

"Do you think they saw us?"

"No, we would be dead now. They seemed to be focused on that rock, it looked like it might have an eco system. Do you get any scans before we jumped?" Racetrack was all business and Helo was glad she no longer wanted to throw him out an airlock. Chances are she would have just now when he had jumped them directly into the path of a cylon armada.

"The scan was partial, but you're right I got carbon based stuff here."

"Let's get back to G and let them know." She is blinking and messing with stuff, she does the equivalent of 'stepping on it' Helo thinks maybe 'Track has seen one to many base stars up close. "I saw a base star, and some other ship, did you recognize it?"

"Nah its one I haven't seen before, only slightly bigger than a heavy raider?" He wasn't sure he had seen it correctly but 'Track confirmed it.

* * *

… 

"I think an attack is complicated."

"There are resources on that rock we could use and we have taken out base stars before."

"They may have figured out how…and it can't be as simple as all that"

"What are the worst and best possible out comes?"

"Mr. President, I am surprised you are being so aggressive with this."

_(I have nothing else to live for)_

"If we have the advantage of surprise, I believe someone I have long listened to once said 'we should hit 'em really hard, in a sensitive spot…" He sees his father blink and look up, and for a moment the 'talking to Mr. President' face drops and his father is looking at him. It's brief.

He is not quite sure how he ended up on the outside again. It seems to be a dance of one step forward and ten back. He is falling so far behind he is afraid his children won't know his name.

Starbuck has returned to active duty, and he has been far too busy to push the issue of the kids. They are being taken care of on Galactica, Lee gets information via Tyrol about them but he hasn't been able to make time to actually see them. It is breaking his heart. Kara has stopped talking to him.

The fleet is still struggling against the internal currents of religious factions and secular pragmatism. He is loved widely but feared. Those who oppose do it secretly and he knows the danger of that better than anyone. To do something in plain sight keeps you honest. To do it in the dark makes it fester and twist into something sick and damaged. Just ask Kara.

* * *

… 

"_Don't touch me…"_

"_Why do keep doing this to me…?"_

"_Because I can't afford to give a Frak about you Mr. President." The venom in the last two words makes him flinch. "Any minute there could be a coup and your head will be spiked to the front of the astral queen." He never thought she cared much for politics, never considered that she was aware of the problems with taking office on a religious trump. His eyebrows raised in appreciation of yet another side effect of his disease. Gods she was so much more than he had ever bargained for and now it was costing him his heart. He couldn't argue with her. She was more right than she knew._

_He hadn't realized she read poetry either._

"_I love you Kara…"_

"_I am sorry for you then."_

"_Why are you being such a bitch?"_

"_Life's a bitch, Lee when are you going to learn that? When will that frakking Apollo face fall off and let you see the big frakking mess you are living in?"_

"_Hopefully never, or the hope I have for my children will die." _

"_They are mine too…"_

"_A fact I am both eternally grateful for and broken up about…" That gives her pause. He sees her shoulders slump._

"_You are not what they are saying you are. This will end badly. They will not forgive you for lying to them."_

"_It won't touch you. You will be safe."_

"_Only if you leave us alone." Her point is brutal and correct._

_Lee can't take it. The anger and the pain come to bare on the one person who can hurt him more than any other and he grabs her arms, bruising her. He kisses her violently no love in it only desperation. If she would just kiss him back, if she would just respond to him the way he knows she wants to even though her words say different. When she shoves him, his heart is done breaking. When he leaves he doesn't plan on coming back. Ever._

* * *

… 

She has been as strong as she could possibly be under the circumstances. Damn Lee for making those foundations shake, the ones holding her self control and self sufficiency up. She could see what pushing him away had done. She could see the damage that happened after she allowed him back in, if only slightly when he took care of her right before the twins were born.

He had been stupid. So had she. Laura had been the only one who knew what her death would mean for the poor lost admiral's son. Starbuck had connections on Galactica that told her just how dangerous a position Apollo was in.

She remembered the strange thought, the one that entered her head during one of the many times she passed out later on the day the babies were born. It bordered on dream but it was persistent and she wanted to scream but she assumed it was some sort of post partum crap so she had tried to put it out of her head and go on.

She kept thinking of the death card and it always had Laura's pretty face and gray eyes.

Gods, and the image was tied to Lee. She kept waking up terrified and checking to see if he was still there and ok. After a day or two she decided she needed him away from her or she would never sleep more than a few minutes.

It had worked, kind of. She dreamt instead of silver, silver streams, silver vipers, silver stars. Archer's hair, bathed in silver light. She knew that Elosha, had she still been living would have insight but Starbuck did not and had no one to talk to about it. Or did she?

Galen Tyrol looked her up and down and she could sense that he was uncomfortable. She had the babies with her, slung to her body like she was some sort of marsupial. He seemed so shaken by her wanting to talk to him alone that she was lost for anything to ease the tension and thrust Eos into his greasy big strong hands. She was rewarded by him back pedaling and his cold look crumbling into a wide expression of wonder.

She started to laugh at how odd it was to see one of the most macho, strong men she knew suddenly being softer than Cally had ever been when she helped Starbuck with the kids. Tyrol was apologizing suddenly for the grease.

"No worries Chief, I have a feeling that it won't be the last time I have to clean grease off of him. He has the grip of a knuckle dragger." This earned her a smile, or at least Eos got one. The chief was studying him tucking him in the crook of his arm and feeling his weight and warmth. To Kara's immense surprise he raised the boy to his face and looked in to his half lidded eyes and then pressed his forehead to the babies chin.

"He looks just like Apollo…" There it was the one thing that she knew would make her falter in what she was going to ask.

It was too weird to be doing this, all the sudden. She knew the chief hadn't originally liked the cocky captain. But rumor had it that Galen and Lee were drinking buddies lately and that the chief found lots of reasons to go to Colonial One for repairs the deck crew could easily do. He was maintaining Apollo's bird on his spare time. Kara wondered if they were commiserating about being single in a fleet full of women they had no interest in. She doubted having Helo and Sharon around made it easy for Tyrol to move on and she just knew Lee wasn't even trying.

Frak it she was going to ask, it may make her seem a fool but what lately hadn't put her in that light anyway?

"Your mother was an oracle?" He froze, in the middle of sniffing 'baby' smell and raised his dark eyes to her. She swallowed, his eyes looked black, she could see herself.

"Yes."

"Well, I uh, listen I…" He squinted at her.

"You're having dreams?" She gasped feeling like he read her mind.

"How did…"

"Lee is too. I can't help you, ya know? I don't have the gift." He looked honestly sorry. She was still stuck on what he said.

"Lee is?"

"He dreams he is engulfed in golden flames." Tyrol touches Eos's hair and looks thoughtful.

"Mine are silver, silver water, silver stars, silver…cold cold suffocating water, silver drips from everything sometimes I see Archer's hair."

"You have an idea, I can see it…"

"Artemis of course…but what about this, I keep dreaming of a deck of cards, the fortune teller ones, with the myths." She swallows clutching Archer to her a little closer as the baby squirms. "I keep seeing the death card with Laura Roslin's face on it…I know she just died but I swear its trying to tell me something."

"Well…" He looks thoughtful, he is rocking gently she realizes, holding babies did that instinctively to some people. She wouldn't have pictured him being one of them. "Death is not a bad card…it just means things will not stay as they are…"

Kara freezes. Something in her head is suddenly moving around. She can feel thoughts and images flitting through and she knows she has heard that before. She can't place it but suddenly a thought comes to her and she speaks, not realizing she has done so.

"Knight of swords."

"Gemini" He is cocking his head suddenly, his tone encouraging.

"Twins" She affirms.

"Starbuck, who is the knight?"

"Zak."

"That means, Lee is the twin."

"Yes." He nods. She can see he is thinking about it.

"But you are dreaming colors as well… and they pull, they pull divinity."

"Apollo for him – gold. Artemis for me – silver. But the silver is cold, so cold." She feels like she may faint and he seems to see it. He motions to the bench in the tool room they are standing in.

"Major, I don't think it's that simple." He looks scared.

"This is simple?" the cold laugh that comes from her causes Archer to grunt and wiggle.

"So you are helping the twin spend his time in hell, at least that would make sense with what's going on with Apollo…" He is hugging the boy to him and swaying, his eyes half closed.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Have you seen Apollo lately?"

"No, but I think Hell is a little strong…"

"You wouldn't if you saw him" He doesn't look at her and his voice is very very soft.

"I am trying to protect him!" She spouts and doesn't know for sure if she said it out loud, except Tyrol's eyes snap open and bore into her.

"How so, Major?" His voice holds no judgment she realizes, he is simply trying to put the pieces together like he would a broken bird.

She realizes she has to tell him so she does. She tells him what little she remembers about the fortune teller which consists basically of the fact that she will be the demise of her true love. That she is the huntress, the queen of swords, which she assumes is fulfilled by her role as a pilot and that had originally thought Lee safe because she never loved him 'like that' and that Zak had died in his place. When she was done he had tears in his eyes.

"You have to tell him…"

"No, if I admit it he is as good as dead, everything that has happened has supported that fact. I have to make sure I don't fall in love with him. " Had she said that he was her true love, surely not, but maybe she had implied it or accidentally said it. She had to clear that up.

"You are in love with him now."

"Frak Chief, no no I am not, I screwed up ok? It was Zak it's always been Zak, it was always Zak…." She faded into tears. The denial absolute, she was denying it for herself, and for him she would stay the course. It had never been that way with Lee, it was always something else, Always.

"There is more at play here. Surely you feel it? Opposing forces. The Dioscuri, that has been met, the mortal brother is gone. That leaves the divine, Kara." She looked up at the use of her first name, she couldn't ever remember him using it before. "You know what divinity means right?"

"Of course…"

"Tell me."

"Divinity means that one is divine, a god, immortal." She squints at him not getting it. She is still focused on the fact that he said opposing forces, that seemed a loop hole of some sort.

"Apollo is ...what was that last part again?"

"What? Immortal. " her eyes widen. "but…"

"Kara, Apollo is immortal, but Lee is not. These are your opposing forces. "

"Apollo is just his call-sign." She whispers, hoping he hasn't just told her all this to crush her with something so asinine.

"When did you know you loved him?" He looks thoughtful and the baby in his arms is holding one of his blocky fingers in his little fist.

"The day I met him." It came out before she clarified what he meant by love. She scrambled back and asked.

"You answered right I suspect, I didn't mean sex, major anyone can have sex."

She realized how right he was. She began to see the whole ramifications of the statement he had essentially pulled out of her. She has always loved Lee. Yes it had been friendship, nearly sibling like, in its flavor but she had to admit the devotion was beyond that of even blood ties. It suddenly hit her that he had always given her what she asked, even if it was his fist in her face or his acceptance of her love for his brother. Only her retreat to his father had stopped him and she knew deep down it was because she had wanted it that way. She would still die for him and in a very real way was doing just that every day she kept him at arms length for his own safety.

"You need to go with your heart, I think…perhaps you don't realize that not only is he Apollo in a very symbolic sense, as well as the immortal of the two twins, there is also something else that you aren't factoring in. If he is Apollo, even symbolically, that makes you something different than just the huntress, than the queen, than just where you start out in this…it makes you divine as well."

"What if we are wrong?"

"That is always a possibility Starbuck."

"It could get him killed…"

"According to you, only if you love him…"

She realizes the possibility that he has been stringing her along just to get her to admit this one thing. She wouldn't put it past him as one of Lee's closest friends now. That the whole thing could be him playing her.

She knows she has too much to think about to tell him one way or another, too many turns in the road, too many players in the card game, she keeps the triad face and takes her son from his hands. As she looks down she doesn't know it but she answers his question simply by the look on her face as she gazes at the boy, the boy who looks just like his daddy. He can see the love of a mother and he can see the love of a mother that loves the father of this child, a reflection of his sire.

* * *

… 

The golden color surrounds him and he feels lost. It burns, it hurts, it's not where he should be and he knows it. He moves and it's burning every part of him but it refuses to consume him so the pain just goes on and on.

_"Am I in hell?"_

_"Sort of."_

_"Oh" his acceptance earns a chuckle from someone he can't see._

_"You don't deserve hell Avatar. Despite what you may think" The voice is powerful and he feels as if his ears will burst._

_"I am in so much pain…"_

_"Because this is not your element."_

_"Shouldn't I be dead?"_

_"No beloved, you simply don't belong here, this is my element."_

_"Why am I here?"_

_"Because you are my beloved."_

_"It's hurting me, I am sorry I am so weak."_

"The time will come when this pain turns to power, when your element surrounds you and protects you. But it is the memory of this pain that will give the power to move. When you are immersed, you will remember your humanity with this pain."

_"Is it that important? Humanity?"_

_"It is if you want to return…"_

He feels the heat intensify his heart is hammering now and every beat carries the pain and molten lava through him. The sparks of electrical current are arching from all of his synopses and his teeth are chattering with the energy. He can feel power hand in hand with pain surging through him and dripping from his finger tips and the tip of his nose. He can feel every cell and the small electrical pulse contained within. It is so painful now he wakes and the screams have made him nearly deaf to Billy's concern. The third time the boy asks if he needs to get Cottle Lee finally hears him and shakes his head.

Sleep is fleeting. It has been weeks since he got more than a couple hours. He is weighing in at one hundred twenty pounds, and though Lee is not a big man, that is not even close to a good weight for him. His hair, no one seems to notice, has gotten lighter like he has been spending time at a beach. He even has a little flush of red on the bridge of his nose and his cheeks. Billy thinks he is running a fever, he is pretty sure Billy is right but he can't find it in himself to care.

"Make sure that Wallace is briefed on everything as regularly as possible Billy, and would you please make sure you are acting as second to him in all things?"

Billy is not a stupid boy. Billy knows that Apollo is telling him he doesn't know if he is going to live to see all of the things they have started play out. He can see it in the young man's face that all the things they don't understand about each other are pointless, they understand this, they are on the same page.

"Would you get me a line to Galactica?"

* * *

… 

"I want to be part of the op."

"Kara you have children to think of."

"Sir, they need the resources as much as the rest of the fleet, they have a father who will take them if any thing happens to me and if you don't let me fly I will hang myself from a shower rod."

He looks at her trying not to smile. She is done waiting and now that her body is back in shape, her spirit isn't content with hanging out in CIC.

"It is not typical for a Major to lead an attack force."

"Frak that, sir." He tries to look at her sternly and finds he can't so he looks behind her at Tigh who is looking bemused.

"Ok, but Starbuck…" He makes gaze stern to warn her. "You need to make a will. This isn't the same anymore, there are children to consider."

He hopes she gets it. He hopes she knows he isn't asking her cover what they already know. He knows if anything happens to her that the President would take the babies. He knows that it probably should have already happened, that Lee could provide a better less military space for them. But he didn't have the heart to get involved. Kara wanting the kids had shocked him and he was supporting keeping them here for selfish reasons. The boy looked so much like Lee that holding him almost broke his heart. The little girl was so Kara with Lee's pale eyes. It was selfish and he kept it to himself.

He wanted her to make sure Lee knew how she felt. If she died, he would give up. He could see Lee fold and cease to exist. He knew his son loved his kids but he knew the only thing keeping Lee alive was the idea that eventually Kara would change her mind about him. That she would return the love that he admitted to his father just before the babies were born.

Lee had never before talked to him about love. But he had come to William with his heart in his hands and tears in his eyes and told him everything that William had already knew and yet never guessed.

His boy loved this woman more than life itself. All the fighting, all the pain, all the complications and this woman had both of his sons so ass backwards in love that one had planned to marry her and the other well, Lee had given up any real possibility of a normal life to love her.

The result was the mess they were all in now. The prophecies were pretty blatant that the way to identify Apollo had been the presence of his twin. The twin who wouldn't leave his side on pain of death. They had of course made that point so many times in the early days after the attacks that no one questioned it.

The second marker had been the babies themselves. The text hadn't said anything. It had been Laura. She had purportedly had a vision before there was even talk about Kara being pregnant. He was a little miffed about that. But he had forgiven her, when she died he made sure she knew he had forgiven her for taking both his son and his little girl away too many times to count in so many ways. She had realized it. She had mourned it. He doubted Lee knew how much it hurt her to watch him struggle with the burden, and that she felt she had no choice.

Lee hadn't helped. Killing Baltar had changed everything. He was exposed as a traitor by his computer files later and there were more legends brought to light. The Admiral knew that it was just handy circumstance, just like everything else but there was no going back.

Kara would fly.

Lee would not be happy.

Always the last two things that seemed constant, his son's pain and her passion.

* * *

… 

"You can make me…Mr. President. But you and I both know what that would mean."

"At this point Admiral, I have nothing to lose."

"Then let her do it." He hears the anguished puff of air from his son. He denies it's pull on his heart. Lee may just yet pull rank.

"She won't consider taking a raptor?"

"She has been training, she is focused she knows this is about the only excuse she is going to get."

"The new modifications on the EM generators?"

"Almost complete with the new drones as well."

"Have we doubled back?"

"The presence is holding at the planet."

"There is nothing for it then…"

"Colonial One?"

"Equipped and ready, it won't hold up long."

"Agathon says she's sure they have been trying to get it."

"It's the bait we need then. It may mean the difference between success and failure."

"If you can kill the Base star again…"

"We will take the planet and hold it as long as we can. The water and minerals will be moved as fast as possible. Any probable food sources will be examined as quickly as allowed." He doesn't want to point out that if the new drone array and modified EM doesn't work the ship, his crew and probably the whole strike team is dead.

"Tell me you don't want her to do this, tell me you will pull her." He closes his eyes against Lee's plea. He squeezes the bridge of his nose and sighs.

"Lee, I won't pull her from the op. She is the best I have."

"This is the last time I let you deny me. And just so you know, you are talking to your son, not the president. If we lose her, don't expect me to come back." William stiffens, knowing that Lee had never meant to say those things out loud. As the connection goes dead he feels his skin crawl.

* * *

… 

She is watching Kara pace. She is waiting but doesn't know if she will talk this time. Aura is gurgling happily next to her and she smiles offering the baby her make shift rattle, which consists of some smooth pieces of metal on a ring that the Chief had made and gave to Helo shortly after she was born. He had never held her or even visited since she was born but it made Sharon smile none the less.

She had great taste in men.

So did Kara, she knew it was the whole problem but refused to push. Lee Adama has been known to be an ass. But Sharon had seen him broken and afraid and understood more than anyone else how scary it is to have everything you thought was truth turn out to be a lie.

His shock after his assault had bridged a gap between him and Helo and had even made him grudgingly respectful of her. He wasn't cuddly by any stretch of imagination, some one who looked exactly like her had gunned down his father in front of him, that doesn't really make friends. But he was tolerant and she knew if it weren't for the images her face evoked, he would be more at ease with her. Her memories of him before the shooting were vague but Boomer had liked the stiff-spined captain and she found she did to.

"I need to see it through the way it started."

"Sure, Starbuck, I can see why you would."

"Really?"

"Well, you have invested a lot in your current course of action."

"But you would change it?"

"I don't know believe it or not, my life is more simple than all that."

"You don't believe in the Gods."

"Nope, I believe in one god."

"So this must seem like complete crap."

Sharon shrugged.

"I don't know what you want me to say. Lee doesn't believe like you do."

"What?" She sees the surprise and the jealousy.

"He would have told you the same if you would have come back to see him after he broke down."

"Oh, when he was still in the brig?"

"Ya…"

"I thought you only went once."

"I did but Helo went almost every day. And we talked about it." She shifted feeling weird that Kara didn't know these things about Lee. "Helo was kind of freaked out that Apollo is agnostic. It seems odd to him that someone so driven finds the strength inside somewhere instead of pulling it from a divine directive. We talked about it a lot actually." She shuffled hoping Kara knew about him being agnostic, that she hadn't done something out of line by discussing it with her.

"Oh, well ya I have always kind of wondered that myself. But he is special, ya know? He has always been …what was it you called it? Driven" She looks distracted.

Sharon nodded. She knew Kara had known Apollo for a very long time and it made her feel better that it was a given that they had talked religion. That way it took the onus off of Sharon to have to tell Kara that all the crap that had been plaguing her, he didn't believe anyway.

"Listen I have one thing to say that I think we can agree on. I am not going to tell you what you should do because the whole thing sounds archaic and unenlightened to me, no offense."

She sees Kara stiffen and sighs.

"You need to follow your heart Kara, if it means you think god is a group of arrow shooting hotties in the sky then, more power to ya. Just make sure, that whatever you do makes your life, and the life of your children, and forgive me here, the man you love better. That's my mechanical two cents." Being a mother had made Sharon bold and erased her desire to frak around literally or figuratively. She figured Starbuck of all people would understand that.

Kara looked at her, biting her lip and she nodded. Twice in one day she has been told to follow her heart. By people so different in their beliefs there is no direct correlation. Sharon watches her as the tears that threaten reflect the overhead lights back at her for a second leaving tiny gold halo's around Kara's dark eyes.

There is only _one god_. She thinks to herself.

* * *

… 

Galen Tyrol is a man with vision. Not to say he has visions he doesn't that was the women in his family. But he has imagination. He has purpose. He, despite the fact he is alone and tormented by love that was never what he thought it was, despite the fact that he can see no real future for himself beyond fixing things until there is nothing left to fix, has hope. It is a sickness. It makes the man he is looking at shuffle and blush.

"Things are, strained chief. But they are improving in that there aren't as many opposing arguments to orders being handed down from the presidential office." He knows that Lee is hedging the fear that the arguments are simply being forced into dark corners.

"The people would not follow if they majority did not believe."

"But," Lee drinks down the 'moonshine' in one gulp, his skinny fingers shake slightly with the sting and Tyrol wonders if the man has the strength to fly the viper he came to 'fix' anymore. "I am not what they say I am." His blue eyes are empty and lost. Galen has to look away.

"With all due respect sir, I think you put to much emphasis on 'being' when you are already 'doing'." He sighs as the president swallows and looks down in denial. There seems to be a lot of that going around." Lee, it doesn't matter if you are in fact Apollo's avatar or whatever they are saying, it does matter that you are doing what needs to be done, actions make the man."

Blue, even his lips are almost blue Tyrol is uncomfortable for a moment. Apollo 's eyes are incongruent with the vision of the sun god. He knows why Lee fears it. Fire, sunlight, music, were not necessarily his element, if they were once it is hard to say but now, after the death of the president, after the birth of his twins the man evokes the depth of oceans and the endless night full of stars.

He looks pitifully tired and lost inside himself. His cheeks have a constant flush of someone who isn't sleeping, someone whose body is eating itself to stay up right. He isn't sure but he thinks he even sees gray hair shooting through Apollo's dark locks, he seems too young for that, until you look at how he holds his mouth, at how he is fighting everything he is with every breath.

"I would like to make some modifications to your bird, just for fun if you don't mind." He waits knowing the answer, Apollo only flew to go see his babies and then only when he knew Starbuck was in CIC. He asked Dee for secure channels so that Kara wouldn't have to listen to his voice and Dee, did it without him having to ask now, she had a soft spot for him. Good thing she hadn't actually seen him lately, a woman couldn't take this. The compassion inherent in the sex would make her gather him up in her arms. Tyrol knew that kind of treatment at this stage would break him.

Lee Adama needed something to galvanize him. He needed to be baptized and returned to the strength that pretending was draining from him. He needed to believe what was being said, he needed to take stock in his own divinity.

He needed to fly. Damn the fates for neutering him and taking his wings.

The things that Galen does to the viper aren't spoken of. Lee doesn't know really and doesn't care that awful much. He knows the next trip to Galactica will be a few days off and he plans what he will finish there, always leaving the ship ready to fly. In the end Apollo's viper is one of a kind, and even Starbuck would be surprised, should she ever fly against him, the ship had been 'souped' up beyond normal means because Tyrol is a man of vision, imaginative and full of hope. And he is pinning it on Apollo's wings.

* * *

… 

The Vipers in the hold of Colonial One sit next to each like old friends. She tries not to smile. Lee's newer model makes hers look blockish, kinda like the tomboy at the pool next to the bikini clad cutie. Kara smiles at how much those things never mattered to her and knows her bird doesn't care either. Still her fingers slide along the hull of Lee's in a familiar caress. GODS it was good to be flying again. The weight of the twins in her arms and her heart is a warm memory and one that she would keep close but not allow to take her mind from her task. She was doing this for them, and for her.

"Major." His voice is crisp and business like. His eyes are distant. There will be no pleading, no discussions and she realizes by the set of his shoulders and his jaw he fully expects at least one of them not to make it back.

"The drone array?" She figures she might as well give him something to do with his mouth before his jaw folds under the pressure she sees in it. The circles under his eyes and the hollowness of his cheeks bespeak a weariness that tears at her heart. The customary kink of discomfort in his right eyebrow seems permanent. The hard line of his mouth is thin and colorless.

"Ready, Sharon seems to think it will work, though she can't tap in to the stream without giving up Galactica's position. I should have made her come, but I refuse to commandeer any more mothers for this." She winces and thinks 'ok, it's like that…' but her response is killed by the fact that he has walked away from her. As so many times before, she watches his back.

His spine is the tell tale ramrod straight that indicates his determination. His hands clenched at his sides and his strides purposeful and fast. He has lost so much weight she thinks he looks like the 15 year old Lee now, not the man. Though it made her wonder if he had ever really been a boy. Even then he had been so intent. His smile, the one that fleeted through once in a while was the only indication that he had ever been a child.

She brings in the other vipers and the raptor for the op. Helo meets her gaze and squeezes her shoulder but leaves her to go find Lee. He isn't gone long and when he comes back his eyes are pained.

"'Buck, are you sure about this?"

"Yes, don't let him make you question me."

"I don't question you…I question whether he will make it through this."

"Him? The lord Apollo?" her bitter sarcasm should have been explanatory but Helo swallowed.

"He is just a man Kara, and a broken lonely one at that..."

"Frak Helo, Not now…we have things to do."

Helo nods and the look on his face makes her feel like she kicked a puppy. But there is a veiled anger there too and she wonders when she took 2nd place to Apollo with Helo.

* * *

… 

"We can use this opportunity to our advantage."

"They may be able to take out our ship again."

"Not the war raider. We modified it."

"It won't be big enough to save all of us."

"No just the mother and 13 and a contingent of mechanical units to protect them."

"She isn't as compliant as we originally thought she would be."

"It doesn't matter 13 should impregnate her soon. She has admitted she loves him."

"What's making her fight it?"

"I think it is the human she got the material from, the Apollo. Her tissue memory was stronger than we realized, even though she had been sexually immature he had some sort of imprint on her."

"But this one has his, markers and is superior in that it resembles the original love of her life, it should pull deeper. It should be less deniable than the Apollo, because our information states that Apollo is actually a surrogate for the one 13 resembles."

"I don't understand her fighting it."

"We should have killed the lab rat, she got attached to the broken twin."

"She loved the Apollo-twin first then?"

"Yes but her body will love this one more, since it has been engineered to. Plus the love she had for the Apollo wasn't sexual in nature. So this will prevail."

If we have an opportunity we should get our hands on the alpha's, this process will take too long to be beneficial unless we can mass produce. We can harvest from our subjects but more would always be better, if we can avoid killing the donors we can speed things up."

"Not at the cost of our program."

"Of course not."

* * *

… 

"_Apollo will lead us back to the sun!" Her words ring under the low ceilings of Colonial one and the entire forum stops. All eyes turn to her. They sense her 'vision' they have come to expect it. _

"_Apollo?" One frightened delegate asks._

"_The pilot? Son of Admiral Adama? " Someone else offers._

_Zarek cringes and wants to deny but knows that the president would call him out. It would be horribly bad timing._

"_He and his twin will bring about the end of the chase!" She swayed slightly and Zarek wondered if she was faking it._

"_The twins will usher in the new generations and lead them home"_

_Zarek fumes, she hadn't said it was Adama, but the room was suddenly buzzing with it. He felt the tilt suddenly. He realized he should never have let her get away with the initial manipulations. The quorum remembers the Captain and unfortunately the face is what they remember, not the attitude or the conflicts. They don't remember his threat that if his father wanted to he could take them and there was nothing anyone could do about it._

_Or maybe they did._

_After the whole Pegasus incident one thing had been made painfully clear to the fleet. Galactica was life. She was the mother of the fleet and to lose her would mean slow painful death or quick, painless demise as the case may be. They realized that the coup's that started during Tigh's martial law were nothing compared to what Galactica did for them. They realized to survive the strength so feared, had to be accepted and honored. Conquerors, survivors, were seldom democratic._

_Zarek sensed that the quorum was faltering in its purpose. That their fear had them considering what placing a military man in charge might do for cohesiveness. The marriage of the two was like a feudal arrangement. In the Admirals son they would get the loyalty of the power behind the politics, they didn't know they had it with Roslin, she was carefully vague about it. But she was giving them an option to take it to church._

_To make it a conscious vow. The intended suitor Zarek thought, was probably unaware of the nature of this secretive prenuptial agreement. He wasn't there to defend against the amour rising at the thought of simplification of union._

"_He is just a boy."_

"_Named for a God." She smiled and it warned him she could take it places he wouldn't be able to follow. He realized the danger and he could see she did to. But like so many times before he sees that she doesn't care. She trusts the son, the sun, she will hang him in the sky with her very last breath._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 18

_She feels Lee's hands traveling up her ribs and her breathing is erratic. The music is still pounding through her the cool of the piano keys is replaced by his hot hard skin. He smells of soap and the shampoo they had in the rooms. He also has a hint of sweat salt and smoke. His skin is burning hot under her hands and she can't believe this is Lee, her Lee with his lips traveling up her neck._

_His fascinatingly quick fingers have worked her blouse, the garment hitting the floor unceremoniously in the hall as he half lifts, drags her down the hall toward the room. He is helping her peel his as well with one hand while the other supporting her weight and clutching her to him as he progresses to the door. Silently, between breaths and the need to keep their bodies touching she finds the room key and shoves it in the lock. Her brain has short circuited, all the reasons she shouldn't be doing this are gone with any other thought than how right his tongue feels in her mouth._

_He rips her pants from her and she is disoriented for a split second as the cold air of the room hits her hottest spot. The only thought that fades as soon as his lips are on her again is why hasn't this ever happened before? _

_She is grappling with his belt buckle and the realizations that this will be something she can't go back and undo is fleeting. As forbidden and denied as this desire is, she is going to give in. This has been building since the day he grabbed her hand and stood up to her mother. The energy arching between them now puts all the previous moments of clarity to shame, he is feeding her with his energy and she is giving it back with an intensity that rocks him on his feet. Regrets are for tomorrow. This, now, is forever._

_He drops to his knees to remove her panties. He is buck naked and beautiful beyond words. She feels ugly and unworthy until he meets her eyes. She sees a devotion that scares her, one that says he will die for her. She has to look away before he knows she sees it, she finds can't and as he removes the last barrier between them he whispers._

"_You are my queen, I will follow you where ever you lead."_

_She takes him in violently, hurting them both at first, his hot skin pushing the gentleness from her. His divine beauty is making her need too much for simple passion, it leaves passion in its wake, it is fervent, it is zealous, it's frakking Holy. Every motion so deliberate that the pain and pleasure is beyond what she would normally take from anyone. She is hurting him as well and the gasps as he makes her buckle and arch are her indicator he feels her power. No man has ever taken her to this place, and she is afraid, deathly afraid as they spiral out of control to a blinding white moment of synchronicity that it is not to be allowed. They are never supposed to get here, this can not be real. This is why, all these years they have denied, avoided, ignored it, it is too much. It is blasphemy. It is not allowed. Lee Adama may indeed frak like a god, but with her he became one and in doing so made her one as well._

_It is only after hours of desperate, intensity they both collapse. It is only luck that he sleeps a few minutes longer than she. When she wakes she stands looking at him only long enough to rememorize his beloved face like so many times, before she flees, leaving a warm empty spot next to him. She picks up the clothes in the hallway, keeping his half button-less shirt and running to get back to the shuttle bay. Her leave is over. She can't stay and tempt the fates. _

_He had called her the queen, she knew the truth of it. She can't allow him to follow her. She can't take his looks, the way his face becomes so much like her father's when he says he will follow her anywhere she leads. _

_Her body is his, something long denied, long avoided, but somehow always known. But that doesn't mean she loves him. Her angel, her true love was his brother and he is dead. That left her empty, loving him would do neither of them any favors. She can't take the chance that he is more. She selfishly holds onto the fact that she can save him by holding her love away from him. _

_It doesn't occur to her that in doing so she would seal his fate more soundly, love denied for love the paradox that Hope itself weeps for._

_Pandora's box has been opened._

* * *

… 

The squad takes out the patrols in one fell swoop and Colonial One deploys the EM drone array without taking fire. The president of the colonies is listening to the com chatter in his Viper. The pulse will take out his ship again and they will leave it floating. It is already running on backup generators for now. He has the boot chip in his viper with him and they have withdrawn to the far side of a nearby star to emit the pulse.

It works so well he fears it's a trap. He can hear her talking to Helo about the sudden loss of energy readings and knows, that she will do what he hates most. She will take chances.

"Helo, I am going to make a pass inside to make sure we hit them all." He can taste his fear and stifles the scream of denial.

"No Starbuck, your orders were to see to the delivery of the payload and return." The order was a CAG throwback, he didn't speak in these terms much any more.

"Military protocol dictates we have to secure before we call the fleet in SIR." He knows she is right but his gut clamps at the thought.

"There are no energy readings at all." Helo sounds apologetic. Lee sighs hoping he had the com closed.

He tries not to seethe at the fact she has disregarded his order.

"Wow these guys have a new toy…"

"The extra heavy?"

"Ya. You never said it looked so cool…" her delight is suddenly gone. "Oh my gods…"

"Starbuck, Helo what is it….are there readings?" He feels his voice crack.

"No sir…"

He hears her and his blood freezes.

"Zak…" She whispers.

The screech of metal and the muffled commotion stills Lee's heart in his chest. He knows she's grounded.

"Oh my gods Lee, it was Zak…."

"Sir, you should stay away," Helo is frantic suddenly. "…getting readings, they aren't from all over the ship but they are damn strong."

Lee isn't listening any more, he is caressing the stick on the viper and telling her how much he loves her and exactly what they are going to need to do. He is telling her this is their last flight together and she better make it count.

His muscles can barely handle the pull. He thinks self-critically that Starbuck could indeed kick his ass at this point in time and not even break a sweat. Pushing paper has done nothing for his previously religious physical fitness. He supposes not eating or sleeping may have helped.

Still the bird responds to him almost like it can read his mind, as his legs find the strength to push the pedals. His hand feels different on the stick since this isn't just a 'walk in the park' like traveling to Galactica had been lately. His trigger finger is rejoicing.

The only thing that brought down the high that was starting in his body was the thought of what Starbuck had said. Zak. He could surmise they had pulled something with the 'donation' they procured from him but he would never have guessed they would have come up with something so devastating to either his or Kara's resolve.

His mind was spinning that if it were a clone it was human. If it was human, he could fix all this. He could give Kara her love back and take his place in hell, he had been visiting lately, might as well just make it permanent. And he is just so frakking tired.

His thoughts make him think of dying and because his dreams had been so precise he thinks of Apollo and the strength he was promised. His body torn, tired, and worn needs whatever help he can give it.

Lee Adama prays. The cold of the stars around him, respond and embrace him.

* * *

… 

The clock tells him that it's been too long. He wants desperately to go to the babies. His back stiffens, so like his son's, and he heads for CIC.

"Tell the fleet to execute the jump and to have the FTL's spun up for the next series on the completion."

"Sir?"

"Tell them Dee…"

Tigh looks at him and sighs. His friend knew it would happen this way. Tigh knew he wouldn't be able to leave them to their fate.

"Set Condition 1, make an announcement we will wait 10 minutes. Have raptors standing by for evac to other ships in the fleet. Tell them ASAP on the evac. Then prepare to make the jump to the strike coordinates."

He waits watching Tigh's shoulders pull up and back and sees his friend square himself as the call from his wife comes through.

"Tell her she can evac with the others and I am not joining her…"

* * *

… 

_Kara watched as the two men she loves above all others walk toward her. They are talking loudly and gesturing and she has moment to just watch._

_They are walking up the path, dappled by the summer sun that trickles between the leaves of the trees. They are engrossed with whatever they are talking about. Zak is touching Lee as always, talking with his hands and calling attention to his words by pushing into Lee's personal space. His wide strong hands reminding Lee he is there, constantly fluttering about like birds. The wind rifles through their hair, both in need of haircuts, since it is summer. The way the light catches, they have sparkles dancing across their heads like halo's. Lee's are gold and Zak's are blue and silver, because of their respective hair colors. The breeze that tickles them, brings with it a strong smell of cut grass and a hint of lilacs._

_They are about the same height, Zack is broader, darker and louder. Lee is fair, though his hair has darkened a lot in the years she has known him, and lighter skinned his frame though powerful, is of a sleeker design than his brother's. They are perfect compliments to each other. _

_Kara never realized that the things she loved about Zak were the things he had in common with Lee. The thought gave her pause._

_She has always looked at Zak as the 'different' one. The anti-Lee but yet still capable of tying her to Lee. But as they approached her she realized that the tilt of his head when he laughs, which she often thought about, the way he clenched his jaw when he was mad, the way his eyebrows shoot up in the middle when he is surprised are all Lee-isms on a different face. She felt funny about that and the idea took her places in her head she had wanted to avoid as she watched Zak grip Lee's hand affectionately expressing excitement and eliciting support from the one man on the planet he cared about._

_Kara had a moment of extreme discomfort as she wondered if the things she liked about Zak's lovemaking were also just like Lee's. It made her head spin._

_Never in the nearly 10 years they had known each other had it ever been about sex. Well, it was always and never if she was honest. He was her constant love, with no strings, he never touched her that way and in that held her heart more firmly than anyone else._

_The intimacy of lovemaking was not needed when you were so in tune with someone. She had moments of appreciation, hell Lee Adama had grown up into a beautiful man. But Zak was the open one. Zak's feelings were on display. Lee may be instinctive for her but a girl still needs to hear certain things. Zak says them. Lee, simply gives them and asks for nothing. _

_She realizes, surprised at her blindness, that even in his silence he is always saying it._

_He speaks to her without drawing breath. It makes people uncomfortable. It scared her mother to tears. It made her cling to the normalcy of her relationship with Zak like a life line. He knows it. They all do._

"_There she is…"_

"_Get her…"_

_They spot her and she realizes the game. Her feet take her away though she really just wants to run towards. The laughter is honest and she gives up her reverie in favor of the wind in her hair and the sunshine on her shoulders._

_The men chasing her are laughing and working together. She thinks of wolves. The leader of the pack, works for the good of the whole, and in the end Lee makes a feint and causes her to careen wildly into his brother's arms and Zak tickles and kisses her crazy. _

_Lee stands back laughing and telling her he loves her with out saying a word. His eyes reflect the blue of the heavens above. His rightful place as leader only over shadowed by losing the race for a mate, his shoulders offer the support of burdens, his hand help with problems, and his smile absolution. He seems at peace with his lone wolf persona._

_She is infinitely grateful for the gods' blessings on her life._

* * *

… 

K watches her mother stand. She knows instinctively this is who she came from. She sees how the woman, glass imbedded in her cheek, helmet smashed and useless, pulls herself up by effort alone. She knows they want her mother. She had thought to deny the mate they made her, she had fought every cell in her body that wants him.

But in the end, she had given in. The pull of his body had been too much he had taken her and the bliss of surrendering was almost enough to make her forget why this couldn't happen. She knew she was already pregnant. Things were not beyond her control though. The child she carried was not one she wanted, even if her body did.

She moves to help the woman struggling to remove the helmet and when they shake her head free of the broken glass and twisted metal K gasps. It is her face, back lit by the flames. She is gold and black the lights that bounce illuminate her with a halo of light. When her wild eyes meet K's the younger woman drops to her knees. This is a warrior, she exudes power and strength she is not a mother in the sense that K has thought she would be. There is presence here that makes K feel small and pale. The shock in the woman's eyes is swiftly replaced by hate and K wants to die.

"Mother" the tears are sudden and she sees Starbuck hesitate. She doesn't have any idea how rare that is.

"I am not your mother…" She sees it was the both the wrong and the right thing to say. "You…..hurt Lee."

"I will do more than that if you let me live…" The sorrow in her voice freezes Kara, her hand on the side arm in her holster. "Before this is over you will kill me."

"I am going to kill you now…" but K knew she wasn't because the human was near. She saw her mother's eyes change as she heard snip-its from her helmet of Helo trying to call Apollo back.

"No, you are going to help me stop this."

"Your pulse worked on the base star, but the transport has been modified. They have your frequency now and the raiders in the bays in the rest of the base stars will be uploaded with a shield before they jump to defend us and wipe you out. The transport must be destroyed or we can't prevent the transfer, we need to beat 13 there, he is the only other not incapacitated by the extra string you added to the burst."

Starbuck didn't know what she was saying. K realized it didn't matter. "We have to beat 13 to the transport."

They meet him on the way. Her face registers the original shock and the gold reflected by her suit and the flames from her bird make her appear as if she is made of metal. K watches as her steps slow and falter she finally sinks to her knees when he smiles at her. K attempts to move her when 13 comes toward them. He looks at the woman K has with her, ignoring K completely. She watches as he cocks his head and reaches for her and K realizes she doesn't want him to touch her.

"This one is the human's. "She doesn't know how bitter she sounds. The thoughts and feelings in her making her head spin.

"I think she is mine…" He is strangely transfixed as if he is at the mercy if his body like she had been with him. K wonders if the cylons messed up with that too.

"NO. She belongs to Lee." That she knew his name now was a blessing

"I have already called them, they will come. You both will be mine. We will bring the next generation." His face is impassive, but he is still touching her mothers face, still caressing her like his body can't help but touch her. His fingers have begun to tremble in excitement and his voice seems to hurt Kara dragging her breath from her.

"Oh Lord Apollo help me…" Starbuck's plea was whispered as 13 took her by the hand and stood her up. The warrior that K had seen was slipping away fast, being replaced by a dazed, fearful, broken woman. The cylon kissed her and K watched as the woman's spirit wavered.

* * *

… 

The comlink spouted an affirmation that Kara heard with her heart and not her ears.

Lee's voice rang out hoarse and desperate, and its reverberating force called to the heavens. The pain he has been carrying, the anger, the burden too much he calls out with his very soul for a boon.

"Lord Apollo, hear my prayer, your avatar, needs you!" He sounds like he is being fed lines. His voice, though coming from his body sounds different, like he is pitching it differently.

Helo freezes in shock. He can see Apollo, and the blue glare of the viper's cockpit is beyond its normal intensity. He is bathed in silver and blue it is reflected in the eyes that Helo is just close enough to see. Lee's hair, longer than it would have ever been if he were still a pilot is stuck to his face and it looks silver as well in the light of the panel. He appears to have a silver halo.

"Artemis…"

"Great lords of Kobol, it's all backwards. He is Artemis."

* * *

… 

Kara's eyes snap open from the panic-ridden denial she was issuing at the hands of Zak's twin. She focuses on the blue of the cylon's eyes and pulls her self up from where she is hanging from his embrace, the light in the room gathering itself to her.

The power suddenly rolling off of her makes her seem bigger, taller, and she has an instant tactile memory of Lee's fingers intertwined with hers. Suddenly she realizes it's not Lee, and she is not Kara.

"Sister, do you hear me?" The voice that breaks from her throat is full of power and sadness.

"Brother, I cannot help but hear you."

"Your bow is …

"…yours to command."

"The vessel, sister before it escapes to bring the rest of Niobe's children to us."

"Let them come …"

"Your avatar will not live through the fight…he is damaged."

"He will give willingly." He hears her resolve.

"All the more reason to have mercy, beloved."

"He shares my want to end this. I will save him if I can."

* * *

… 

Kat is following her former CAG. She knows she has lost her mind and really has no reason not to just roll with it. Lee is glowing all silver and blue and the voices she is hearing both over the com's and elsewhere are telling her something big is taking place.

_Frak, I will go with you Apollo, Artemis, whoever you are…Lee. I will follow_. Her eyes momentarily full of tears, clear and she falls into formation.

She watches as Hotdog, and the others follow her. She has been their squad leader for so long now that she shouldn't be surprised. They are silent and she knows they are watching Lee as well, intent and ready.

When the next base start appears they charge it. They move as one as if they knew it was coming. When Lee's Nukes hit it the blast rocks them back toward the dead base star. The raiders that hiccupped out of it were short work for them, even though there were at least 30.

Their leader is flying like something possessed. They all are secure in the fact that is probably the case. His voice, when he bothers to talk is cold and he is cutting down anything that approaches the dead base star. They keep to his formation as near they can cleaning up after him as he aggressively terminates any all things any where close to him.

They are all going to die. This won't be the last ship and she knows it. She sees Lee pull his Viper up like a horse and it seems to shudder in anticipation. He isn't human anymore and she finds some small comfort in that. If he is killed she won't picture the man she met over a year ago, struggling to be a CAG and son and with a love for a woman that tore him to pieces. No she will see this cold face, the face of a moon reflecting the power of a sun. There is less pain in its frozen visage.

* * *

… 

Apollo's hand shoots out and takes 13 by the neck. Though Kara herself is fighting it the power in her is undeniable and she listens as the voice that speaks through her, as the power pooling in her mouth, and running down her back works its way through her tissues causing a chain reaction. She is so thankful that the cylon's eyes are blue.

She is on fire in every cell of her being and the warmth is welcome and right. The ideas of her humanity and her past are swept up in a rush of lava in her veins. The voice that bounces out of her is so full of power she sees the cylons ears start to bleed. She knows this is who she really is. All the pain and suffering is eclipsed with a power that burns it all away. She feels whole for the first time in her life, for the first time without Lee's fingers threaded through hers. She is starting to forget who he is, who she is.

She doesn't know she is blazing with a gold fire that is licking the walls of the base star causing it to shrivel and burn where her feet are planted. Her fingers are burning the skin of the cylon in her grip and there is a small curl of smoke that floats past his familiar face.

Zak's face. Lee's eyes. She can't kill it. She fights her body with her wounded spirit, to deny the second destruction of her angel.

Apollo meets its gaze, and peers into it. Lee wouldn't have been able to kill it either, in fact she knows, Apollo knows that Artemis wouldn't have been able to do it, her Avatar so broken, would have given up rather than kill this abomination, if he could actually see it. They had kept him at a distance for a reason.

"Tell your mother, tell her we are here."

"Beloved…"

The single shot taken from a distance unfathomable for a human, removes the cylon's head from its body.

Kara should have been scared. The shot from the guns on Lee's viper could have easily taken her and the cylon, the calculations in order for him to have made the shot were not humanly factorable. Her body tensed but the thought that it was Lee, and the image of his forehead pressed against hers asking her to trust him held her steady. He did what she couldn't, whenever she couldn't.

It dispatches the cylon to be uploaded and let the entire armada that has suddenly appeared above them know that the Gods, are willing to play.

Apollo turns and K stands shaking her eyes wide and full of tears.

"You are our children…not theirs"

"I would have the mercy of your arrow." Apollo obliges. She shoots K in the forehead.

* * *

… 

Artemis is dispatching everything that comes close. Kat realizes that they must stay out of his line of fire, he isn't seeing them anymore. Her orders are terse and she keeps the squad behind an imaginary line her head, they fall back a bit closer to the dead base star. They are trapped between it and the 6 base stars that have arrived.

They are taking heavy casualties even with the goddess leading them and Kat feels tears for the dead freeze on her cheeks as the raiders spew forth from the two base stars in front of them. She steels herself for nearly instantaneous death, as she knows that the current wave of raiders have missle locks on them, she can hear the alarms in all of her remaining squad, since there is no chatter they wait silently.

Lee has taken out 5 of the incoming projectiles but it won't be enough, they will die this time.

She feels a shudder, the wait for the distance to close seems like for ever, each second one more is exploded into nothing by Lee's shots, they can't match him they can't get locks and their human eyes don't see that far to eyeball it. It's a waiting game and even if they somehow win the volley, the ships that are following the strike, outnumber them 6 to 1 by her count.

She feels rather than sees the batteries of Galactica take out the entire incoming force. She senses some sort of cosmic click when Dualla's voice enters their head space asking for Major Thrace.

Kat responds but her words sound fantastic her thoughts scattered to the stars as she follows Lee's rush into the new foray. She keeps thinking only three of the base stars are sending out raiders…what the frak is with that.

* * *

… 

Apollo hasn't worked a miracle for a millennium. Probably longer actually. He is determined though, the statement must be made. Niobe's children must return to the darkness they sprang from. His beloved, her avatar and his must be allowed to see an end to the stalemate. Apollo is selfish, and he knows it. His desire to let the avatar's see the end of the cycle this time is consuming. But he knows the futility. They will play it out as always.

He is pulling the electrical impulses of the dead base star to himself. He is feeding it and sending it back out. Taking stock of the materials he changes some of them creating ore and gasses. The statement must let them know the God's will not stand their blasphemy. They will no longer be ignored and dismissed.

"Zeus…" Apollo feels his eyes tear up. The father has never intervened before. He has always sent word and then let he and his twin fight the battle. Suddenly Apollo knows, all that has happened before has changed. He smiles_. Finally, something different_. In this incarnation something has changed. The father has come to help his bastards, his children who the other gods punished.

"Beloved…"

"Dearest love "

"The Father …"

"It is not the same…He has defied Hera. He isn't aware like we are, is he?"

"No, he is blind but it doesn't change the actions."

"Zeus, will not wake her, he will let this play out…his avatar has chosen." The surprise in the goddesses' voice is slightly self mocking. "My avatar is weakening, we need to be finished soon, or he will expire."

"Get ready beloved…know I will love you forever."

"I am coming for you …"

"No, you know it's not allowed, this is where I die."

"It's different, I am coming…I will save you this time."

"You mustn't, your avatar…"

"Will die regardless if yours dies, she is his hope."

"I am finishing…I love you."

* * *

… 

Kat realizes the vipers from Galactica are formed up with them and the wave after wave of raiders is being dispatched steadily when she see's Lee's viper break off it flips end over end and nearly jumps from one point in space to the next. She has never seen a ship do that. It is like the space between disappeared, like a pebble on a pond and three dimensional space is the water. Her thoughts are pulled back to battle with a near miss and she forgets Lee's departure and rejoins the rest of humanity fighting for their lives.

She wonders briefly that the base stars aren't firing.

* * *

… 

The searing bright light to the left of Galactica starts slowly and what appears to be a fire expands and envelops the little planet the base star had been orbiting. It forms to the sphere and consumes it. The spectacle causes all activity to stop. There is a supersonic boom that shakes all things in the sudden new solar system all ships are blown back away from the creation of the newest sun in the system.

* * *

… 

Apollo feels the heat and relishes it, as it burns he apologizes to his avatar, beautiful as she is, mother and lover he has betrayed her. But Kara understands. She knew it was a one way ticket either for her or Lee and knowing he would be safe was enough. Her thoughts as the god holds her in his molten grip are of him.

" When the sun bursts from your side, with my hands I reach to you…"

* * *

… 

Time hitches and slows down. Moving through it like it is pliant to her will she assesses the situation.

Artemis feels the heart of her avatar breaking, she senses the give in his spirit at the idea that his love is gone. She knows his pain, and though he is wrapped in a blanket of goddess, and the cold force of divinity is promised in her embrace she understands his faltering. She offers him eternity. He denies it.

She hears the song that her dearest's avatar is singing and sends it with love and sorrow to her human's ears.

"With my hands, I reach to you…"

She sees the spark, the bit of sunlight. She feels his stirring to the song and offers more like milk to a baby. He is pulling his tired over wrought body up and she is proud and has never felt what she feels for this avatar as he rises like a phoenix from his pain and fatigue. She lets him move the machine they pilot directly into the infant sun. She thinks as the flames burn them, and she works against the burn to protect him, that at least she gets to touch him for once, the pain is worth it.

He is wrapped in cold, silver, stars. They sparkle along his lashes and prevent the heat of the sun from burning his eyes out. She lovingly gives all she has to keep him safe, to help him help her dearest. He is submerged in the reflection of the moon in the pool of her being. The power she grants is liquid and flowing, it eases his torn spirit and she pulls his pain to her granting the fluid motion of undeniable tides.

Artemis' power is not electric but it conducts it beautifully. She is simply a conduit for her dearest love's strength. She grounds him and lets him expand to his full potential. This is what Lee Adama has existed for, all this time. He was never meant to house the power, but to disperse it flat across the oceans of time and space.

Lee drops onto the molten floor the base star isn't completely consumed yet but it's almost done. He picks up Kara, his tired body ignoring the fact he shouldn't be able to. Again, his girl has performed a miracle. He presses his cold cold cheek against her burning one and the spark causes a melting sensation. Her eyes flutter open. They are gold in the bright light of the newly forming sun.

"I love you Lee Lee."

"I know…"

He feels a shift and his eyes glaze and he is looking at a vision of himself in his arms only he is golden and he knows who he is looking at. He feels himself cold and silver in response and he is her. The displacement isn't uncomfortable, he moves against the human impulse and kisses his own face, knowing his be hers, not being fooled this time. The lips burn and engulf him. He is so small and the other is so vast.

"My beloved, it has changed…we need not die here, these are deeper than our other avatars."

"Dearest we must save them. They have earned completion in this life, let them not wait for Elysium."

Artemis lifts Apollo and they drag themselves back into the viper bodies pressed together as one they pull the machine, which is on the verge of explosion, out of the heat. Apollo places a hand on the metal and pulls the energy from it into himself. The build up of heat burns Artemis more but she doesn't relent. The ship skips away from the sun, the pebble on the pond of the galaxy.

* * *

… 

The base stars were blown back as well.

Galactica, stunned but operational moves for Zeus, blind or not the father God doesn't give up his children willingly. His attack on the base stars is brutal and they take major damage before the fighters, blown like so many butterflies on the breeze right themselves and report that the raiders have turned on each other.

His son's viper, singed to a crisp has opened a channel and asked for a broad band hailing frequency. The voice isn't recognizable. He grants it. And it rings clear throughout the heavens.

"You know we are here! Remove yourselves or we will dispatch you. Our children will not fall to you this time."

The ship moves and takes up position on the remaining vipers six. He hears a hint of Starbuck in the voice as it continues. She issues orders that anything that moves is to be destroyed. Adama can't see but knows his fighters are getting a view that has made them comply.

The fact that the raiders are gunning each other down is not lost on him.

He makes them gather up who and what they can to jump back to the fleet.

Apollo's Viper comes in smoking, and no one can touch it.

* * *

… 

Lee Adama is dead. He was wrapped around Kara, seems to have insulated her with his body yet his skin is singed and blackened, though not consumed. His eyes are pale and the pupils are tiny and non-responsive. But they can't get Major Thrace to let him go. She is carrying him, which they have asked her repeatedly to not do. She is half clothed her flight suit torn and partially melted and hanging from her. She is humming. Her foot steps on the decking are resounding with her weight and his.

Her pilots, the battered few that remain, form up around them like a pack of wolves facing out to keep everyone at bay. She kneels laying Lee gently on the decking. She runs her fingers over his beloved face and in full view of everyone, including the Admiral and XO who have appeared in the hanger bay she removes his clothes, the scraps and bits flung aside she strips him not seeming to notice his emaciated state or the fact that his pallor is nearly incandescent. She runs her hands over him and the song gets louder and bits of words are being spewed out with the tune at intervals.

Tyrol stops the marines from pushing through the pilots that appear set on letting their pack leader do what she needs to. He simply steps in front of them. His deck crew backs his play.

Kara stands and drops her flight suit. She begins peeling the garments underneath off as well and before anyone can think to ask why, she is standing buck naked protected only by the bodies of her pilots.

Her dark eyes are alight with fire and gold. Her hair is glowing with the light of the sun and her cheeks are flushed, actually burned looking. Her voice sounds like deep warm honey and summer days. Lee's dead lips are blue and his over taxed body bruised and cold. She leans to him and offers him her heat. Her song gets louder as she calls to the heavens.

"Come back to me, on this plane, beloved." The power in her voice is masculine and it rattles the canopies of all the vipers in the hanger. Her hands on his chest, she is straddling him, her hottest spot on his chest her fingers in his hair tears falling on his face causing streaks of soot to disappear and clean, healthy looking skin to be exposed.

"We can change it this time, Please Beloved. Come. Back. To. Me."

The voice is full of pain and suffering and the body beneath her shudders its cold dead form springing upward as if the force of the words moved it. It convulses slightly and Apollo leans down and kisses Artemis once again. The kiss, long forbidden, is both gentle and loving, it pulls the breath from Lee's chest and makes it rise and fall. It makes the silent organ in his chest sputter to life. His eyelids flutter but don't open, he couldn't see her if they did.

Zeus, for once in an eternity, doesn't stop it.

The two kissing are not Kara and Lee. It reaches the heavens, this trespass, the twins defying the edict. But the other gods are sleeping and there is no one to intervene.

Apollo buries himself in his beloved Artemis. The bodies of the avatars entwine and dissolve into each other. They will have this moment and they will give back for it. Kara, still sentient offers them the ultimate gift for her soul mate and they accept. When the pilots are finally moved Lee and Kara are wrapped around each other breathing and alive.

* * *

… 


	2. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 

"_Gianne"_

_She tenses and tries to ignore the tone of his voice. Her features are immediately schooled into a practiced calm. Zak lifts an eyebrow at her questioningly and she supplies the information without a trace of emotion. She swallows against the gorge rising in her throat at the look of happy relief on Zak's face._

_He follows his brother with his eyes, a tickled, curious look on his face. She tries to smile, it feels wrong. She knows that this one isn't a one night stand. _

"_This is my brother, Zak and his fiancé Kara." _

_She has tucked herself into Lee's right side and her hand is hovering protectively over his chest. She lowers it and Kara watches as Zak stands and kisses it making a grandiose show of bowing slightly and meeting her eyes. She watches as Gianne blushes and she feels the odd instinct to stand and curtsy. She doesn't, she eyeballs her instead and ends up getting a throat clearing from Lee. She flashes a look at him that makes him shuffle his feet._

_Gianne is a dainty, strawberry blond haired beauty. She has huge blue eyes and a heart shaped face. Kara wants to like her, wants to be happy but she keeps finding herself comparing the woman with herself. Where she is curvy Gianne is lithe, where she is strong Gianne is delicate, where she is hard Gianne is yielding. She finds that strangely offensive though she could never say for sure why._

_She drinks too much too fast and her mouth gets away from her._

"_No, Lee doesn't like that…"She is slurring slightly and can't figure out why Zak is grimacing at her. "What, he is ticklish…you have to keep your hair short or tied back at night, or he won't ever sleep, he'll play with it, it keeps him awake…Oww." She feels Zak's fingers on the back of her arm and looks down at them and back at him._

"_Frak, Zak, that hurt!" She pushes his hand away rubbing her arm._

_Lee is shifting uncomfortably and Gianne excuses herself to the rest room. Zak growls at her and goes for more drinks._

"_What the frak are you doing Kara?" Lee hisses at her, his blue eyes narrowed and angry._

"_What? She knows we're friends right?" She acts as innocent as she can considering._

"_Yes but why are you making it so frakking obvious to everyone just how much you know about me? "_

"_Are you afraid I am going to scare off your lover?" She knows what's at the heart of this discussion and he stares at her and suddenly stands and disappears._

_When Zak returns they drink the last couple in silence and go home._

_Kara is 24 when her wisdom teeth come in. She figures it would just follow suit that she would get them late. Lords know she has been lacking in the whole wisdom department. She has had the appointment for weeks but forgot about it. She had made an ass of herself to Lee's (finally) new girlfriend. Zak is pretty pissed at her for being a drunken bully. So she goes to get them extracted, thinking she can drive home afterwards if she just waits long enough._

_The nurse won't give her, her keys. They call Lee, because Zak is in class. When he shows up he is sporting a hickey the size of a cubit and Kara gags on the blood and gauze stuffed in her mouth. He wraps and arm around her to steady her and she starts crying. The nurse explains how the nitrous effects are wearing off and how she shouldn't be left alone. He nods and they over hear the nurse telling the doctor what a cute couple they are and Kara's sobs deepen dramatically._

"_Kara, did they give you a prescription for pain meds?" His blue eyes expectant and concerned. She couldn't believe he was still speaking to her after her behavior the night before._

_Her hands shake and her tears double as she hands him the small square of paper. He takes it holding her hand to steady it for a minute first. They sit for a minute and she tries to talk around the gauze and tell him how sorry she is. She feels so bad. She wants him to be happy, she just didn't know it would be so hard to see him with someone._

_He sighs touches her tender jaw bone gently._

"_I only understood part of that but I accept your apology, let's go get you meds." _

_When they get to the pharmacy she has to go in to sign for the pills. He stands behind her protectively as she looks over the shoulder high counter. She feels her head tilt forward as she almost dozes off while they wait and looks up at him sheepishly when she snaps it back up. He smiles so adoringly she has a moment of panic thinking he is about to kiss her when he moves pulling his scarf from his coat collar and wipes her chin. She looks down confused and sees that she has drooled on the counter, it's mostly blood and she swallows tasting the metallic twang and blinks back tears. He hugs her in and wipes her chin one last time cleaning up the counter last while she presses her face into his chest smelling his Lee smell. He accepts her pills and nearly carries her to the car._

_He takes her home with him so he can finish the paper he is working on while she rests. He calls and leaves Zak a message so he can come get her. He tucks her into his bed, embarrassed at the state of it and the way she wrinkles her nose and makes sure she is on his 'side' she knows he can hear her breathing in his smell and that she is avoiding the other 'side' knowing Gianne had stayed there the night before._

_As he tucks the covers around her and helps her get comfortable, he brushes the hair back from her forehead._

"_You look tired Lee Lee…" She can't smile and it comes out sloppy with the packing._

_He smiles, his hand lingering on her ear. When he speaks it starts her from her drift towards sleep._

"_Well, she left her hair down all night…" She knows it's supposed to make light of what she had done, that he has forgiven her. But it makes her cringe slightly and he sighs._

"_I can't win can I?" He whispers and moves to kiss her forehead, halfway there he changes his mind and places the kiss on her wounded mouth instead. Her eyes fly open, and panic starts to fill them when the nitrous in her systems tells her that she is overreacting. She kisses him as good as one can with a mouth full of gauze and blood. When she comes to her senses Zak is buzzing the door._

_Lee looks at her, his eyes wide._

"_Tell me you love me. Let me fix all of this." She can see he wants to, he would take care of it all, defy everything they have done so far, she simply needs to give him a reason. _(tell him the truth?)

_Her heart pounds, she loves Zak surely that means she doesn't love Lee. She was just jealous because they were such close friends. They argument in her head is one that never gets resolved there, but her body knows the answer and her head is shaking and her eyes are filling and she watches his heart break in front of her. He throws her one last look before he gets up and lets Zak in._

_It is the last time Lee is the one to pick her up when she falls. It is the last time she is allowed near any of his dates. He dates Gianne for a lot longer than she expects. It's the first and last time he kisses her until the worlds end._

* * *

… 

Her brain feels like its melting. There is screaming in her head, an overabundance of information being downloaded and scattered. They cylons are tearing each other apart.

The pain is intense and detaching. She can hear her sisters denying what they have seen but the images have been uploaded and dispersed and the collective knows the truth of it. 13's last images have stopped most of the Leoben's and Six's in their tracks. The image of Kara/Apollo burned into their silica pathways as the God tells them everything they believe is a lie.

The Gods exist. At least the twins do. And they are not happy with humanities children and what they have done in the name of the false god. They have sent the message and shown the cylons what real power does. It doesn't create life itself, it creates universes, Sun's and the promise of life. The chance of evolution or spontaneous creation, as nature sees fit.

Niobe's children are thrown into confusion and pain. They realize the error. The uploaded consciousness of 13 is telling them they have a reason to fear.

Sharon isn't thinking she is a conduit of pain and confusion, her voice, long lost finally stops when she is able to shut down most of the streams of consciousness, when she can only hear 13 and her own sisters fighting over the reality of the Gods. She simply waits then, for the verdict, for the final information download to end her pain.

To know if she was right or wrong, and if she was wrong then if she deserves to live.

They dragged a hysterical Helo away earlier, he was beyond thinking or dealing, her screaming had broken his heart and he was a wreck. They had to force him to sleep, because he was killing himself waiting for her to come back to him. He hadn't been able to fix what was broken in her and it was killing him.

They put him under for his own good. They strapped him down because they were afraid of his strength and desperation. He was shouting that he was going to go blow up the rest of the base stars himself, so they would let his Sharon go…

The cylons have splintered and most were destroyed by their own hands in a suicidal recompense for the attempted genocide of the Gods' children. The insanity that 13 uploaded with the knowledge and face of Apollo stretched far and wide the Sharon model was the only one to deny it and she fought.

She fought hard.

Galactica's Sharon was caught in the crossfire.

She lapsed in to self loathing and internal refuge. Not unlike Kara had when her mother used to beat her.

She was rocking ever so slightly.

* * *

… 

He is so cold. He can feel ice forming on his wings, and yes he has wings, this takes him a moment to process. He knows he isn't breathing, breath is warm and he feels nothing of the sort. Silver strands of power, a deep calm power, are buried in his tissues. With the taste of sparkling sugar glinting on his tongue he thinks of Hope, it comes to mind now and he is seduced, he could embrace her now. He could love her and show her his soul. He does as he courses through space and time. She wraps herself around him drenching him in the glittering brightness of infinity. The stars stretch before him like diamonds on black velvet and he feels free for the first time. Finally, something that is just for him.

The effort to fly, the movement of muscles he never owned, the stretch and pull of the parts of him that never existed is euphoric. The viper had never been like this. He could see the tips, he flexes them marveling at the beautiful silver feathers sparkling in the fragile light of the stars.

The cold is drawing him forward, away. He can see so far, he feels the huntress in him and she spurs him on. They can hunt the shadows of eternity. They can chase down infinity. There is nothing to stop the forward motion.

…and yet there is.

A bright spot of pain, of heat on his chest. Words from a warm, sorrow filled voice that his soul can not deny.

He doesn't want to go…he loves the feel of his wings he wants to hunt, to chase, to be weightless, alone.

The pain is expanding, and burning him and he remembers his purpose. He glances at the tips of his wings, they are melting. The ice is dripping silver drops as they fall away and his tears join the run off.

He is a conduit. He never gets the choice. The pain in the beloved voice that calls him causes a flashing heat of torment. He will not deny it, it owns him. It consumes him the power spiking and changing from calm, emotionless, to passionate and creative. He is part of an equation, he was never meant to be singular. He pulls the wings to his sides and makes his body an arrow. As he plummets toward the voice he feels his wings ripped away and gasps as he submerges in the pain, in the heat and transmutes it to be a primordial ocean of possibility. He is pulled and melted back into being.

* * *

… 

Time passes as the twins are regarded naked on the decking of Galactica's hanger bay. But there are decisions being made and tactics being plotted. Kara and Lee are alive and breathing and face to face and have yet to move from where they lay exposed to the whole crew. Lee has yet to speak and Kara is only partially there her facial expressions fleeting, but they hold a conversation without words, in the space of seconds that no one else hears.

Apollo cradles his avatar, asking his twin how to proceed. Artemis is much more logical in these things. Her detachment served him at all times but just now looking into her stolen blue eyes he realizes she is in no way detached. She loves her avatar, and she fears what his has offered.

"If she dies, this will all have been for nothing. He is coming back reluctantly, and if it is to be a life without her I don't know if he will stay."

"He is the divine twin, his death wasn't necessary, he gave up his wings."

"She has offered her life for his though…"

"It wasn't necessary, His last battle was deciding to come back…it was the only obstacle. He didn't want to. But he did it."

"Let's make a deal…" He smirks and she knows the look, she has seen it before, somehow on this face it is the most at home, as if wickedly devious is the nature of his avatar. She fully expects it is.

"She has offered her life…lets work that, a day, a cycle of my new sun, we get them, both of them…for our own use."

"How do you propose we will be allowed such a concession? Surely the Gods will deny us." She sighs it's an old edict, it has been undeniable to this point.

"Your avatar has moved Zeus, surely he can negotiate the sleeping father to allow it?" He winks at her.

"You know my wiles are not as good as yours. Maybe that's what has cost us all these cycles, maybe you are the one who needs to motivate the father God."

She sees him process that and agree. She knows he has more sway, especially with an attractive female avatar this time. Zeus has a weakness for beauty, especially feminine. There is something to be said for being 'daddy's girl'. She had never tried to use that, she never used her sex as a bargaining tool. She knew his avatar used it as a weapon. She knows Apollo does, that he is adept at it. He will get what he wants. The father would bow to the blond before her only because he will be unable to deny her pull on his heart. It is the part of Zeus that his avatar doesn't even acknowledge.

"He loves her like a daughter…he will not deny her, she has the defiant beauty that he cannot resist." She watches him consider, sees his avatar grin again.

"So a day a cycle, these bodies, they may be required to serve out our curse." She frowns, she doesn't want her avatar to suffer.

"I have a better idea, …"

She listens intently and can't help the smile that crosses her face as he speaks. If he plays his cards right, it would suit them all and keep everyone in question alive, with only a small cost, though she knows the truth of the bigger picture, it would cost them something they had never been allowed, as of yet. She finds it hard to feel bad for them though as he outlines his argument with the father.

If they had been actually dealing with Adama he never would have agreed. He knew that his children have already served their time as slaves to destiny.

* * *

… 

Kara awakens first, and can't remember a thing.

She has an overwhelming need to see her children.

She stays as close to Lee as she can but he takes much longer than her to comeback.

She knows the very second his eyes open. It's when she brings the twins to him. He stirs and strokes Archer's hair absently. His breathing changes slightly but he says nothing and he can't seem to see farther than the end of his own nose.

He hasn't spoken for days. His eyes don't focus. They can't figure out why if they touch he collapses and her eyes blaze golden and her voice changes. They learn to avoid touching.

Sharon's rocking is slower some days faster others, but no one can tell what changes it. If they had asked Kara she might have been able to give insight, but no one thought or knew enough to ask. Helo was released but only allowed a couple hours a day with her. He was taking care of Aura for the first time all alone and he found it hard to look at Sharon and move so he avoided.

Kara is silent and completely absorbed in taking care of her babies, no one can get her say a word about it. She swears she doesn't know what everyone is talking about. Her face pales and her hands tremble when she looks at Lee. He is so damaged they keep him in sick bay on fluids and the Admiral feeds him by hand.

Officially it went like this:

The pilots are all under observation. Kat had been nearly rabid in defense of her former CAGs' and they had taken her down. She was enduring therapy sessions daily. The verdict is group hysteria.

Starbuck, had a mental break.

Lee had a seizure. They were worried about brain damage.

No one admits the sound of her voice when she raised it to the heavens cracked glass and burned ears. No one talks about her singing and pulling Lee from the smoking viper and demanding he return to her.

The cylons haven't attacked again.

Wallace Gray and Billy are running things. Not doing a bad job of it either.

* * *

… 

Tyrol has worked the bird over three times. Most of the components are melted and fused together. There really isn't a thing he can do to save her. He sits next to her on the ladder looking into the cockpit and sees a scrap of paper singed and dirty sticking out from under the seat. As he pulls it out he sees a shoe print on it, he opens it to pristine whiteness that says it has never been opened before now.

Printed on it in Starbucks handwriting:

_Your hands are the hands of a clock that can not be stilled. They touch power, music, eternity and above all my heart. One moment is enough, if it's all we can have, I will not regret it. You must not either. _

_Vous et nul autre._

Tyrol swallows. He shoves the paper in his pocket and starts tearing Lee's beloved bird to pieces.

* * *

… 

She has been taking Lee around the Galactica for exercise. He still doesn't speak but he does most other things. His eyes never focus when she is near, he seems trapped behind the veil of sparkles in his eyes. His pupils never reduce, they are so large he winces when there is too much light. It seems to be improving gradually, like he is coming up out of a deep pool and needs to adjust to pressurization.

She has stopped near the entrance to the brig because he has dropped his water bottle again. He is shuffling away from her seemingly without purpose. As he turns the corner into the holding area for Sharon Kara calls to him and then curses because he doesn't answer to his name anymore and his steps never even waver.

When she retrieves the bottle and catches up to him he is standing his hand pressed against the cold glass of Sharon's Cell and his mouth is moving. Kara hasn't seen that for so long she freezes. He is whispering something and she can't make it out but she can tell he wants in. She motions to the guards and watches as they open the door. She hangs back to watch.

Sharon is in the corner of her cell. She has been since the attack on the base stars. She is curled in a ball and her face is pale and motionless and her eyes are glazed over. She hasn't spoken since after the last attack, since the coming of the sun. Her eyes are unfocused just like Lee's.

He shuffles toward her and she takes absolutely no notice.

He bends suddenly and ends up crawling toward her. She notices him then, but doesn't move. When he takes her in his arms she starts to sob. Kara can make out some of Lee's noises now they were comforting, like he would have done for the babies. He was rocking her gently and when he finally started speaking Sharon's sobs deepened and became heart wrenching.

"They will be quiet now. They will be quiet now. Shhh Sharon, you didn't know. They will be quiet now….We are all vessels…you didn't choose any more than I did…"

Kara wasn't sure what it was about but Lee's voice so soft and gentle made tears come to her own eyes. She didn't know why but she had feared him speaking almost as much as his silence. She was afraid his voice would ring with power and it would demand something from her. She realizes he only speaks when he is far enough away from her and if she gets to close his eyes glaze over.

When she would step back though, he was just plain old Lee. Like none of the last few weeks had happened. His frail form wrapped around her former friend in solace. His words were encouraging and forgiving. She waited.

When Sharon finally stopped crying he met her gaze. Her eyes widened and her face so full of pain, cleared. He smiled at her.

"I got to fly…" His soft words made no sense. But Sharon hugged him and he held her close, his eyes closed and he asked Kara to bring Helo.

* * *

… 

His fingers hover but do not touch she arches as if he has, her dark eyes locked with his light. He dare not touch her or they surrender their bodies to the gods and they lose what is between them to the twins. They have learned to work with it. He can't touch her but she can and he can watch. He does the same. He never knew he would die aching like this. He never knew that all of the obstacles aside, he would never be granted her touch again in this lifetime.

She is pregnant again, from the last time he gave in to the sense of touch. Neither of them mind, children are a blessing now that they are building new lives. He simply regrets that milliseconds after his flesh encounters hers, his vision and sense of touch go black and he is traversing the stars, each time he is pulled back by an intense wracking heat that burns him back into reality.

They have been allowed a semblance of a normal life. They are sharing the responsibilities of their twins, though they have struggled to deal with their malady. An accidental brushing of shoulders caused an embarrassing loss of consciousness, usually followed by hours of black out for both of them. They had to be careful, though the gods sometimes remembered the children and took care of them, they would sometimes succumb to their physical needs without second thought to the mortals they inhabited and the responsibilities they had.

He has to remind her sometimes, what they are paying for. When she breaks and cries, that it was her pledge that cost them each others embrace. Now that she admits her love, that it was always there, she has been denied his body. It is of course not a surprise that they will never be lovers. His destiny required it.

Heavy clothes sometimes worked. Flight suits, he could brush against her in her flight suit and as long as he didn't linger they had that. If he did it was the same as if he had touched her bare skin. The ring on her thumb he could touch and as long as it didn't warm to his touch they were safe. The ring he gave her is the same. She wears it on the chain around her neck though so he can finger it, so he can kiss it and let it drop between her breasts and transfer his kiss to her heart.

He wouldn't blame her if she frakked another man, he has considered other women because the need is still there, more so that she has finally admitted she loves him. They get only the release they can achieve without out touching each other. It is a bitter one. Still no woman would ever satiate him, the one he wants is and always will be the one he can't have.

* * *

… 

"_What is this?"_

"_Shh Kara, it's a secret."_

"_What does it mean?"_

"_Defy Destiny" He arches an eyebrow at her._

"_Oh my gods, you are a closet rebel! Zak is going to die laughing…" She can't help it, it's just too funny. His face is classic, self mocking Lee._

"_Kara…" She realizes what he is going to say. _

_She meets his eyes reflecting the cobalt blue of his sheets. She smiles and nods. Zak won't hear it from her. She has no idea why Lee would need to defy his destiny, but he evidently had things on his mind and the angry raised flesh of the small black tattoo made her want to kiss it. She wanted to grab him and hold on. But they had made the decision the night before, that they would only have, what they had always had, a friendship that laughed conventions. _

_She ran a gentle finger over the marking, over his hip bone where it was emblazoned and smiled. It was hot to the touch._

_She can't believe she didn't notice it the night before. He had done it without her and it irked. But it was quality work and she figured he knew her favorite artist because he had been there for at least one of her inkings._

_He had been naked in front of her._

_Best for her not think about it. She wouldn't have seen it this morning, if he hadn't reached down in his sleep to scratch at it and winced. She had heard the sharp intake of breath and pulled the covers back to see where his hands were on his hip bone._

"_Well defiant boy, shall we make some coffee?" She asks softly, trying to ignore the way his fingers have stopped hers from moving across his hip bone. She hears him take a cleansing breath before he speaks._

"_Coffee would be great, if I had any…I knew there was something I forgot when I ran to the store yesterday." _

_His voice is barely a whisper and the tone makes a shiver start deep in her and she knows this is the last time they can be this close, and still be friends afterwards. They have reached the threshold of intimacy with their friendship and the next step would change everything, and that was something neither of them wanted for various reasons. No more innocent nights in Lee Adama's bed. No more gratuitous physical contact, not when the simple sound of his voice pitched so softly sent her into tremors._

"_Lucky for you I have ya covered." She bounces out of bed wincing as the noon sun reflects off of a couple of his music disks that are laying on the floor, and hits her in the eye._

_He smiled, lazy in his blue haven, watching her drag the bag of coffee out from under her coat, thrown on the floor by the door the night before. She watches as he unconsciously fingers the tattoo again and tries not to let it make her mouth water. She shakes the bag at him sniffing deeply the warm smell of Lee's favorite blend. He points to the coffee maker sitting on an unpacked, overturned box next to the bathroom door._

_He is a total gomer, he only has one coffee cup. So they share. It is the best pot of coffee either of them have ever had._

* * *

… 

"She won't be able to take it much longer, I may need to let her go." Helo watches his friends face he can see the strain, but it is so much better now.

"It's a small price all things considered." He considers the game board before them. The collection of alternating colored squares is nearly hypnotic.

"I know, but that doesn't help her, she is a woman, she needs to be touched. Hell I need to touch her, it is killing me…" He should feel weird but he knows if anyone understands what Lee and Kara are going through it's him, so long denied his love, and just recently reunited with her after the terror of Sharon's final break from the collective.

"You don't get to experience any of it?" He sees Lee watching his sucker stick spin while he plays with the candy uncomfortably.

"No the very second we 'ground' I check out…she says it's the same for her. We barely get to feel the warmth of each others skin before it all goes black"

"Ya know I can see her getting all bent outa shape about this, but it surprises me that you are having such a hard time after all you have gone through, I'd think this would be easy…You seem to be above the sex for pleasure thing."

Lee shakes his head and narrows his eyes at Helo for a second. He starts to move a piece, changes his mind and moves a different one instead. When he lets the move stand he grimaces at Helo's smug look.

"It's not about pleasure, it's about having the right partner…" His voice has taken on a distant quality like he is lost somewhere in his thoughts. Helo glances at him and moves his game piece, on the board taking one of Lee's pieces.

"frak." Helo grins in apology and Lee snaps back to the present and returns it.

Helo's grin fades as Lee's next move sweeps the entire board and wins the game. The piece Helo had taken, a sacrifice for the bigger picture.

* * *

… 

"I can't take it Lee. Not having you and having you this close is killing me." He wants so bad just to hold her. To hold her hand, if he were honest, just to feel her fingers between his. Her belly is swollen and her face streaked with tears. He knows how this will end. She will take command of Galactica and he will lose her to the stars.

"Don't you think I feel it too, baby please, if you leave me…" He feels the tears start, he feels like a kid, not a man. He hasn't felt like a man in so long now. He has resumed his post. They are building a life on a planet close to the New Sun.

"Please Lee…" He knows she will never move on if he doesn't let her go, selfishly he doesn't want her to. But she will forever be his brood mare and have no life of her own if he keeps her. They get no pleasure, no comfort from each other. Only words, only looks which for a while were enough. They haven't been for a while now and he knows it. She has tried all sorts of ways to touch him and not really touch him. She has reached her limit.

"Kara, oh Kara…" his words taper off and he knows she is leaving him. He touches the ring on the chain around her neck and offers her the only thing he can give her.

"I love you so much, I will let you go because I know I am hurting you."

"Don't forget me…"

"I am afraid if you leave I will cease to exist…"

"I love you." The words waited for so long, mean so much and they hurt.

Her gaze burns him and he worries he will lose this moment so he moves away from her to keep her with him. Its irony is not lost on them. As she walks away he whispers through silent tears.

"You, and no other"

* * *

… 

The grand piano, it was placed in the presidents living room. It's a gift from the Rising Star. He knows Chloe and Gabe had something to do with it.

The whole fleet is aware of the situation between he and Starbuck. It had been decided that if it perpetuated the religious aspect of his office, the fleet needed to know. It also brought to light the nature of their bond, when he gave her his name in a public ceremony. The separation between government and military though married, was physical.

It appeased some of the religious sects. The excitement and recommitment to the deities was at an all time high, but no one really felt all that good about how their leaders were being used.

He hoped she would still get whatever she needed from the stars, she had returned to them as soon as she could, promising to come back when her time grew near. The crew was skeleton and her mission was simple scouting of the surrounding stars. He ached to be with her but he was too busy with getting things settled to spend much time.

Kat, Helo and Hotdog had all come by and promised him to take care of her. Cottle had rolled his eyes at Lee's fussing and told him to suck it up.

He planned on all of his children playing that damn piano. If he had to sit three hours a day one for each of them. Though he expected the twins to sit side by side.

Phoenix William Adama was born on the first anniversary of the Day of the New Sun. He was a big baby with amber hair and Kara's eyes. Lee delivered him with his own hands, though he was not himself at the time. This was one thing the twins had been looking forward to and at the end they had allowed their avatars a single kiss before wiping away the simple comfort with oblivion.

Kara said it was much easier than last time. He tried not to laugh. He agreed, he didn't have a broken finger this time.

* * *

… 

"Dearest, your avatar's body is not fully recovered. Take care." She can see his hunger. She knows he is frustrated that his masculine drives are hard to contain in their feminine vessel.

"It's my body…you concern yourself with yours." He grips her insistently and she shudders. She thinks she may have gotten the better end of the deal, even with her avatar's slow physical recovery of his overtaxed body, he is strong and never has to succumb to child birth.

Apollo is drawing shapes on her chest with a warm finger. The tactile sensation is beyond anything Olympus has ever offered. She feels the drag and pull of his warm skin across every cell as he works his way over every exposed inch of flesh. He pushes her back on the bed and straddles her. She places a gentle hand on the slack flesh only a few weeks past delivery of their last son. Even the slight pressure makes Apollo wince and she arches a knowing eyebrow at him. But she knows. Even pain, especially pain was a living thing, a flesh thing and he desired all things flesh when he could get them. She vowed to make him heal the avatar when she was done with him, before he drifted off satiated and sleepy.

It didn't make her gentle. Their time together was in spurts and hiccups, they had no sense of time. The avatars were avoiding, as they knew they would, as they understood so well. She wishes she could grant them something but it would break the deal they struck.

Her thoughts fade as she finds the warm wet expectant body of her mate. She worked to cover every inch of his skin with sensation, to submerge him in the pleasure of it before the pain, to make sure he would be with her the whole time, not left behind if she somehow reached completion first. She was thorough, but never gentle, it was not her nature.

* * *

… 

They name the planet Gaea.

Luckily for them Gaea has an abundant supply of lumber. Though they had no mills set up yet, Lee has made sure the structures were built with the consultation of the handful of engineers available in the fleet. Construction had been underway for months and much progress has been made.

He has a new born, a wet nurse and a set of two year old twins to take care of. They are moving to his newly built house along with all the other families that they have built for. Chief Tyrol had a hand in all things mechanical and his deck crew had trained many civies for service in the private sector. The chief himself, is getting ready to report back to Galactica and Lee feels the sting of sorrow yet again the Galactica is taking all that he loves away. His father, ironically, the original military casualty is staying with Lee this time and he is looking forward to amending the past.

The chief has inspected what has been done in the Adama household and found a couple things lacking. He is of course fixing them himself as Lee looks on rocking his new born son and trying to understand what Galen is doing to the wiring. Things are in such short supply that all electrical needs are handled minimally. One switch for the whole house. The generators are over taxed as it is and modifications would take years.

It reminds Lee of his grandfather's Cabin. He is happy things like television are to be low on priority, they have radio that is enough. They have wireless satellite for the kids to talk to their mother. For him to hear her voice when she calls.

"Take care not to over load the circuit Adama's." He is pouting and Lee chuckles. The twins grab uncle Tyrol around his legs and hold on. He is getting ready to leave and they are staging the usual offensive to such an action. Suddenly the chief is fishing around in his pocket and he hands Lee a filthy scrap of paper. "I almost forgot again, this was in your bird, before I tore her down. I had forgotten I had it until I cleaned out my locker to do this planet side stuff."

Lee looks at it and swallows. He puts it in his pocket, meeting the chief's eyes he has a good idea who it had come from.

"No happy ever after?"

"It was never in the cards…"


	3. Epilogue

* * *

Epilogue

Crude stone bench under my ass, it's cold but the sun is warm so it's ok.

My children are beautiful. I say that as a mother but I know it's true regardless who is looking at them. I can see their father in them at first I thought it would be easier to see myself in the girl, she is definitely more my complexion. But her jaw is harder, her eyes pale and she clenches and frowns just like Lee.

His sons are all beauty and passion, both are sweet to a fault. Eos' temper is just as sharp as his sisters, but his forgiveness immediate after his release. He doesn't clench, he smiles a wicked smile and tries to make you forget what started the problem. He has a hell of a punch for a child. He has clobbered Archer a couple times. She never cries she just sets her jaw and runs to me. He follows and hovers wanting to help her, truly sorry that he hit her. They never really need me to fix it, she forgives even as his skin leaves hers.

The baby, Nix, who is three, is on a blanket sleeping in the sun. He is a vision of health. He is going to be taller than the twins and broader as well. I'd say he looks kind of like Zak but I suspect he looks like his grandpa. He has the Admiral's temperament as well. Quiet and thoughtful but explosive if pushed too far.

The Day of the New Sun, tomorrow makes number 5.

Festival established by our beloved president. Though he never gets to remember the day itself, he has declared it a religious holiday and no one dares deny him.

I wish we were allowed to be together. I wish I could feel his hands on me for once. Still it is worth it that we are allowed to live that we have a home. That every once and a while I get to sit with him and chat.

Giggles and singing from my little boy and soft murmurs from my girl as they play in the grass with the toys that Tyrol made them, little metal vipers cast from Lee's own ship. It's funny I never realized just how things effected the Chief, and how much symbols meant to him. He is one of Lee's closest friends and he dotes on the children like an uncle.

The soft, lilac laced wind blows the blanket off of Nix and go and tuck him back under it when I hear the whistle. It's low and soft and the song is one that brings tears to my eyes. The twins look up smiles breaking across their faces.

He will be surprised, that I am here already and that I sent the nurse home. Archer stands and smiles. She comes to my side and completes me with her fingers in mine. Eos bounces up and I hear Lee's whistling stop and the soft giggles of tickling take its place. When he looks up to find Archer he meets my eyes and I see the relief followed by the pain I have always caused him. The smile he gives me has tears in it. I know he wants to run to me and take me in his arms and lords know my body is aching for it, my spirit is.

Archer squeezes my fingers and pulls me a little. I look down and she nods toward her father. The twins know that Lee and I can't touch. They of course don't understand it. They don't know why it hurts so much, to be so close and so far at the same time.

I follow my little blond girlie to her father and stand before him where he is holding her brother, golden boy that he is on his hip.

It has been a year since I saw him in person, though the last time was short lived and the gods took over nearly immediately. He has aged a little, the kink in his brow is a little deeper, lines around his mouth are longer. But he has a tan, is not spacer pale like he had been and has gained back all the weight he had lost. He looks, well he looks painfully sexy with the sun kissing his cheeks and reflecting in his glacier blue eyes. There is an electric spark trickling up my spine and I step back from him, so I can stay with him. The gods are hungry, it's been a year since the last festival, and longer than that since we were sentient together.

"Kara." His voice makes the spark spread. Archer suddenly squeezes my hand and the pulse changes to a simple shiver. She reaches up and pulls on EJ's foot. He smiles down at her and nods.

They are acting weird. They haven't said much of anything at all.

He wiggles and Lee sets him down on the ground. He takes Lee's hand grinning and with his other hand takes mine. I feel the shiver, again this time it feels like release. I look at him and his blue eyes sparkle like his father's and an impish look takes up residence on his little face. He looks like a sprite, and like he is up to no good.

He drops Lee's hand and takes Archer's, who had dropped mine and taken Lee's

I figure they are playing some sort of game. So I smile and look at Lee questioningly to see if he knew how to play. He is looking as perplexed as I feel when they speak.

"We will stay here tonight, your children have requested you have a reprieve and have offered themselves on the eve of the festival for our vessels, it has been so long since we have played, please accept this gift?"

Suddenly I realize I don't feel the energy anymore. It is scary.

"You won't hurt them…they are only babies, they don't know what you can do." I suddenly fear for them with my entire being.

"The rules are different for innocent souls, Avatar. We are not allowed to manipulate them. We can only see through their eyes. And you should know, that your children know more than you think they do."

When Archer speaks I realize she is Artemis, she is her father's daughter.

"Fear not Mother, I would never let anything befall our dearest loves." I look into the silver eyes and I am reassured.

Lee is standing with his jaw hanging.

"You have until sunrise tomorrow and then you fulfill our pact." EJ's voice drips sunlight and honey, invokes warm breezes.

* * *

… 

Lee is cooking dinner and I am having a hard time. I don't know what to do with myself. We had decided that given this reprieve we would do what our hearts desired. We would have one night, as a family as a normal family.

Dinner smells really good and I realize it has been a very long time since I had real food. I also realize that I haven't had Lee's cooking since we roomed together back in the academy. I knew some things were different, they had found a pepper substitute that was similar but a lot hotter than the variety we used back on the colonies. Pepper is Lee's favorite spice so I wonder how he has adjusted.

The twins are playing with the dog. I am somewhat surprised they have one. He is a big scary looking animal. He looks like some sort of indigenous breed his coat suited for the warm weather, he is a golden red color with amber eyes lined with black and upright ears. He hadn't barked when I came in, he had put himself between me and the kids immediately and his gaze and the way his hackles rose had indicated he wouldn't let me closer until the nurse had 'introduced' us.

The dog seemed to be obsessive-compulsive. The twins were having it fetch a soft toy over and over and it kept bringing it back no matter where they threw it and dropped it in alternating laps. Lee had called it Nero. It answered to him not unlike his pilots used to, would stand at attention and wait for orders. He told me the word for the dog to release was 'drop' which even Nix knew and said when the dog would pick things up that the baby was playing with.

I hover behind him as he chops what looks like a form of onion, or scallion. And I keep my hand entwined with his and hold things for him while he cuts with his free hand like we are a two headed monster. The hand holding eventually works into arms around each others waists as I try to impede every part of his dinner prep.

When we sit down to eat, for the first time ever all together I am not all surprised when Lee bows his head, I follow and before we can start the prayer the twins sing a strange verse and smile at our shocked faces.

"Welcome, most blessed family of the Gods."

With sounding brass, and the tinkling of cymbals my offspring both looked skyward, the glass in the window frames shook. They were the voices of children, but engorged with the blessing of the Gods. Lee winced and a look of concern crossed his features.

We ate while the twins smiled and seemed to go back to being normal children again. Lee's foot found mine under the table and we sat with the warmth spreading up our legs from where our ankles were touching. It wasn't erotic, it was comfort on such a basic level it made me want to crawl into the space where we were touching and stay there.

The main course was some sort of game bird and it was fabulous. Rations, oh my gods, I live on rations and they eat this every day? I expressed this thought to Lee and he smiles smugly as Nix announces that Daddy cooks better than Ginny (the nurse) or Sharon or Grandpa or Uncle T. The last part is said with a grimace as if it were a seriously bad thing. The Twins giggle. I suddenly wonder where the old man was, I knew he had been living with Lee and the kids.

"Where is Grandpa?" I look across the table at Lee who is pushing stuff around on his plate like a little kid and not eating it, while his leg rubs against mine and his free hand is catching the things that Nix is dropping for the dog.

His hair is long and all sorts of mussed from me messing with it while he was cooking, and he has a smudge of something that Nix had tried to throw on his cheek, He has never looked more handsome.

"He is at his 'lady-friends' house" Archer offers. I choke and Lee chuckles.

"You are kidding me…lady friend?"

"Chloe…she teaches us piano." I choke again and can't believe my ears. Lee's expression tells me that I have assumed correctly about the mystery lady's identity.

"She is half his age, or less…" I try to remember her clearly and find the image is too young, too well, sexy for it to jive with my image of the old man, I take a hasty drink of water.

"Love is blind…" Lee smiles at me and I know he has given his support to this. I just shake my head, I have missed out on so much.

After dinner, after we clean up the twins sit down at the piano. Lee tells them they don't have to, but they want to show off for mommy, and I think the Gods may have been pushing a little.

They play together beautifully, Eos is fantastically talented, I have a spark of memory of my father playing and it brings tears to my eyes. Archer is equally as talented, but not as showy, she plays perfectly, but her body doesn't sway like Ej's does, her eyes don't close and she doesn't get the transcendent look like he does.

When my oldest boy starts singing, and Archer's eyes move to him and her body leans into him I realize that 5 year olds should not be able to play or sing like this. I look at Lee to see if this is as shocking to him and am surprised that he is rocking Nix in time with the nursery rhyme they are playing and I can hear soft humming as if this was something they did every night.

I wonder if Lee realizes that they shouldn't be that good. I realize if he had, he made peace with it long ago, he accepts it, enjoys and encourages it.

It wasn't the Gods, it was really my children.

Nix's brown eyes are locked on me and I realize this baby has been raised by his father since he was born and barely knows me. I feel my heart ache and as his lids appear to get heavy while the music continues I want to hold him and apologize that I haven't been here.

I lean into Lee, where our hands are clasped and he meets my eyes and I ask with out saying a word and he leans down and whispers into the 2 year olds ear. He is rewarded with a big sheepish smile and I am again reminded of Zak, the baby curves of his face were probably to blame. He looks at me shyly and I open my arms to him.

I rock my youngest son to sleep for the first time in his life. He smells of Lee and whatever soap Lee washed him down with after dinner, it had a vanilla smell to it, and cotton. After the twins join us on the couch, (which had been in the Old Man's Office on Galactica) Lee reads them a story, one they obviously had heard several times as they kept finishing the sentences. It was about pirates, they filled in Arrghs and Harr Harrs, at will. I held the warm little tike to me and kept rocking though he was long gone off to sleep.

Lee kept looking up at me and finally as he neared the end of the story and the twins were blinking and fighting sleep themselves he speaks to me.

"I know this isn't what you want out of life Kara, but thank you. If I didn't have this, I don't think I would have made it…" He closes the book and single handedly, after dropping my hand, picks up both sleepy twins and they drape themselves over each of his hips like this is a normal thing, and carries them to their bed. I follow with the little one trying not to cry, not to let this sink into my heart and change who I am.

This isn't happy ever after, tomorrow we go back to not being able to touch, and my heart can't take that on a daily basis.

The twins still sleep in a single bed. Though there are two in the room.

Nix is still in a crib and when I lay him down, the emptiness in my arms hurts.

* * *

... 

The president's bedroom, is in the loft. It is a big room with windows that look out over the lake behind the house. There are double doors that open out onto a balcony built on top of the kitchen area. It has a rustic wild feel like it was a resort instead of a real home. I realize it is facing east, and that Apollo's Sun would flood it every morning.

Lee sleeps on a pallet on the floor, its soft enough looking and plenty big but it is obvious he spent more thought on the kids' beds. I am tickled about one thing though. He has white linens, pillows and all that, but the comforter is expansive, and a bright cobalt blue. I can never explain how happy that makes me, or exactly why.

He has books stacked up against the battery powered lamp next to where he sleeps. I know that is a big deal, books are not common, these are probably worth a lot of money. When I start looking at them I recognize most from the Old Man's office, and some had Laura Roslin written in the back cover.

He lets go of my hand to go shower and I sit for a minute trying to decide if it will hurt more to touch him and wake up without him, Sun-up would see me gone and Apollo in my body. Or if I should keep the indulgence down and have a quick hug and go sleep on the couch. It is going to tear my heart out to lose him again.

I realize I don't care, I want him I want every part, even the pain.

I enter his small bathroom following the sound of the water, and strip down. I can see myself in the fogging mirror…I have aged as well. My breasts, two births past are softer and larger than they had been. My body is still hard because of being on Galactica and working on it constantly, I am thinner than I have ever been, but there are a couple stretch marks left from the twins on my otherwise taught skin. I am pale as death, spacers tan. My hair is mid back length and I wear it braided to keep it neat.

There are dark circles under my eyes.

I start to cry, I am not good enough for this man, I have never deserved him.

I don't hear the water shut off but as I go to pick up my clothes and leave I feel his arm come around my shoulders. His wet skin warm and comforting, his expression concerned. When he sees I am crying, he runs his fingers down my face and picks me up and takes me into the shower with him. As I cry softly, he washes away all my pain, all my sins, all my sorrow. His diligent fingers working the vanilla soap into me and stroking it back off with splashes of copious amounts of warm, almost hot water. He warms the space off of me, and in me. I was stupid to think being away from him would make all of this hurt less.

He towels me like he would his children, rough and thorough. He is smiling and the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes make my heart flutter. We are both 35, but I feel 100.

He looks at me after the drying and grins. I wrap the towel around my chest, it falls to my mid thigh, these are not the tiny Galactica towels. I plan silently to steal one.

"I have something for you. I was going to send it to you, but since you're here…"

He digs around under the sink and I smile as he produces a bottle of lotion, it's a brand the hotels used, back before, but the label says 'Juniper" on it. I grin.

"Where the frak did you find that?"

"I am the president Kara…I know you just had a birthday so I sent out word a while back…it took a lot of favors and some quick talking to get it." He smirks and I know he isn't lying.

"Gods I haven't used that fragrance, since…"

"…we roomed together…" I see him blush. I realize he has loved me just as long I have him.

I move to him and take the bottle from him, it's small, but it's precious. I kiss the tip of his nose tentatively feeling strangely shy about it. Good Gods this is the father of my children and I feel like I barely know him, and yet I know him better than myself.

He holds out his hand palm up and I smile and he nods his chin at the lotion.

"I'll get your back, 'buck." The old business like manner made my pulse spike. It is like just him reverting to my calls sign erased the years and the pain. I fill his palm with some of the precious lotion and take a deep breath as he warms it between his hands before starting on my back.

I feel the strong press of his fingers and the deep kneeding strokes loosen my whole being as he lavishes me with attention. I have never felt like this. I try not to think too much or I will cry. Ever second we have is beyond precious, I vow not to forget a single one.

The smell makes me think of times he had done this to me years ago, it is clean and wholesome innocent. I am shocked to realize that he had been telling me then he loved me, though the moments had been fraught with teasing, pinching and laughter he had assumed I knew. I thought of Zak and when he told me he loved me and the sense of déjà vu it evoked. All these years later I know, it's because I knew what it meant when an Adama said he loved you, I had just never heard it with my ears.

He is humming and I feel his breath on my neck as he circles his fingers on the bones at my nape working out the tension, feeling me give and relax under his fingers.

"How long have you been planning this scenario?" I joke, knowing he had no way of knowing he would ever touch me again in his life time.

"Since I was 15…" He laughs.

I hear him suck in a breath and he grabs my shoulders and turns me, we are standing chest to chest, towel slung around his hip the only thing between us. He searches my eyes.

" I just want to hold you, to let you touch me until I disappear. We don't have to make love, Just holding you is enough."

I see tears I know he feels like I do about how the Gods use us, we don't get anything but the after effects, we end up sore and achy and on occasion pregnant. I always catalog the bruises, Artemis is a thorough, forceful lover. I note them and try to picture Lee making them. It's all I have in the aftermath. He wants to make sure I know its him…not _Her._

"You think I would pass up, one second of skin on skin with you Apollo? Starbuck maybe a mother and getting old, but She aint dead…"

I grin I know tomorrow will be spent frakking and walking among the people in almost no clothes, being touched and blessing things, and my soul will be soaked in the power of my sun.

I will be hot and passionately consumed in creativity drenched in life with lava in my veins. The festival will end with Lee separating from me, tearing himself apart and plunging me into a frozen lake of loneliness.

"Lee…"

He points at himself with mock seriousness

"…wants Kara..."

He taps me on my chest resoundingly. Makes a circle with his arms and looks at me.

"…Right here…" He is motioning at the space between his arms.

I laugh and move into the space indicated feeling him sigh. I can't help myself I grab that stupid, way too big towel and pull the damn thing so it unravels and hits the floor with a soft slithering sound.

He shudders as the cool air hits his ass and I giggle as he grips me tighter, pressing his chin to my temple. I feel like I could stand like this until the sun comes up. The thought slaps me in the face, I have done that with him before, I wont get the cup of coffee this time, I finger the tattoo on his hip bone, without looking and I feel him smile, I know he is remembering.

"It is here…I'll be with you…"He touches my chest, where my heart is, through the ring hanging on the chain with my dog tags. His voice resonates with promise. For the first time in my whole life I make a connection that has been eluding me all along. He is both the light and the dark, he is the angel stripped bare, he is both brothers, and my twin as well. He is so many parts, and has been alone through it all.

He is the supporting actor in a play he has never been able to do more than fill in. He accepted it waiting for his moment in the spotlight. I had been the star, loved by his brother, his father, by him. I had danced around our worlds doing what I felt I needed to keep him safe, and he never wanted it. He wanted to play the role, he wanted a chance to deny that destiny. I had assumed I knew better. Who am I to deny him?

I am an aggressive, possessive woman. I have issues. It is not an excuse, it's a fact. I love this man. The summer days in his eyes are endless. I will not walk away from him this time without promising him I will be here when he needs me.

"Will you marry me?" I feel my voice crack, the tears drip unheeded.

He pulls in a shocked breath and pulls back to look at me.

"We pledged…for the colonies, remember?"

"We did it for the religious sects, I am asking you…to be mine, locked in this pain of not having, forever…Be mine and mine alone."

"Kara Thrace-Adama, you have already had me, there was never a choice."

"But I walked out on you…"

"I let you…"

"Like you always have…"

I see it wound him, I see him register it as an accusation. I take his chin between my fingers and pull his fore head to mine.

"You thought you had to."

His blue eyes are huge and liquid. The tips of our noses are touching and I see the truth that I already know. I pull back slightly to look at his lips pulled straight and serious starting to frown.

"You and no other…" My whisper is throaty and full of everything I feel.

He closes his eyes and it looks like all of his muscles go slack. When he opens them, it is slowly, carefully, as if he is afraid he is dreaming. I am holding my breath.

"_Vous et nul autre…" _He places a fluttering kiss on each of my eyelids as I accept it.

* * *

… 

_Thump, Thump, and the sound of something dragging across the floor. _

I look down to where Lee is kissing the inside of my elbow his eyes meet mine and I see him smirk. He presses his finger against his lips to shush me and stands up pulling me up into his arms as he looks at the clock. The secretive gentle grin has me feeling like a child about to see something wonderful. He grabs that blue comforter and wraps us in it and tip toes us down the stairs to look in on the kids. I start to panic when I see that Archer and Eos aren't in their bed. Lee covers my mouth with his hand winking and shaking his head.

We slink down the dark hallway like a giant parade float, blanket draped over our nakedness. When we get to Phoenix's room he kisses me quick and gives me the shush finger again.

There is a chair up against the crib, Nix is 3 but the crib was big so Lee hadn't moved him out of it yet.

Good thing it was big.

All three of the kids were in it. Archer and EJ were on either side of the little one, their arms draped around him, snuggled protectively, completely asleep.

I look at Lee and he is smiling indulgently. Nix's eyes flicker open for a second as Lee covers them all up with a blanket.

"dream, daddy…"

"I know baby, are you ok now?"

"Yeah, Ah-sher and JJ here…" As if that solved everything. He is playing with Archer's hair and EJ rolls away slightly griping a stuffed animal and I freeze. If Archer and Nix traded places it would be reminiscent of that picture of Lee, Zak and I.

I kiss them all. I ache somewhere deep and I take Lee's hand and lead him away. I need something from him, something that will make this not be a repeating nightmare for my children. I know it's different, but it is still hauntingly familiar.

I press my fingers into his Tattoo as we reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Maybe, this is for them…" I whisper. He looks lost but I take his hands in mine and wind my fingers through his. "Lee Adama, do you think you can give me another baby?" He blinks, shocked and swallows, I tilt my chin issuing him a challenge and he was never one to turn down anything of the sort.

"Oh, Mrs. Adama I can damn well try my best."

He picks me up and I was wrong about everything. It doesn't make it worse. I will get this, this time I memorize all the things he does to me, the way he feels, smells, tastes. If I never have it again I will have this and damn it, I will make it be enough.

fin


End file.
